Page 86 of The Accidental Wife

"I went looking for him to make sure he was okay, and there he was in her arms while she consoled him, and I just stood there like an idiot, frozen, unable to move, while I watch her kissing him." I sigh dejectedly and close my eyes. "Knowing they're together is one thing, but seeing it right in front of you, that hurt more than I could have ever imagined." I sob helplessly.

"Shayla, in all our years of friendship, I have never seen you so utterly broken. Even after Adam broke your heart, you weren't this bad." She says, looking down at me. "You're in love with him, aren't you?" I stay silent, and she sighs, "Shay, don't keep your feelings bottled up. Just admit to it, and maybe that ache inside of you will lessen a little. You don't have to go through this on your own. Aimee and I are here for you all the way."

"Damn right we are," Aimee confirms, stepping into the living room and walks over to us. She kneels in front of me and takes my hand in hers, her blue eyes watching me sadly. "Jo's right Shayla, just admit it out loud, and maybe you can start to heal."

I sniffle and sigh, closing my eyes, "I am in love with him, but I don't want to be. I don't regret a single moment I had with him, but I don't want to love him. I don't want to hurt anymore. I just want to forget about him."

"Shayla, I think he—" Aimee stops when she hears a knock at the door. "Who the hell is that at this time?" She asks, getting up to her feet and walking to the door to answer it. She pulls the door open, and Jo and I hear her utter an 'oh'. "Uh…Shayla." I sit up and wipe the tears from my cheeks and walk over to the door.

There he stood.

All six-foot-four of him, looking just as wrecked as I was feeling. Our eyes meet, and he looks at me and shrugs before he walks in and pulls me into his arms, burying his face into my neck. "I can't breathe. I feel like everything is closing in around me." He cries. "Can I stay with you tonight?" I look over at Aimee, who places her hand on her chest, her eyes filling with tears.

"Of course," I whisper, wrapping my arms around his neck, and he squeezes me tightly. Why does he keep doing this to me, and why do I keep letting him? Why can't he just let me go? We pull apart, and I close the door once he walks into my apartment. He greets the girls with a nod, and they both walk over and hug him, which he returns.

"We're so sorry for your loss Cole," Jo says when they pull away from the hug. Cole nods and shrugs.

"Thanks, girls, and I'm sorry to show up like this. I just couldn't bear being alone tonight." Aimee and Jo both nod in understanding.

"Of course, you can stay as long as you need to," Aimee tells him, and he smiles gratefully and looks over at me.

"Shall we go to my room?" I suggest, and he nods silently. I walk down the corridor to my bedroom, and he follows me closely. We walk in, and he strolls over to my bed and sits down, leans over, and puts his head in his hands as I close the door behind me and lean against it looking at him. I was unsure of what to do at that moment. My instincts tell me to walk over and hold him, but I can't. He has a girlfriend now. Something that came so naturally to us was now so strenuous, and that hurt.

Cole lifts his head and looks at me, his green eyes rimmed red and woeful. "You left." He whispers, his voice hoarse after hours of crying.

I sigh and drop my gaze to conceal the tears I felt coming, "I thought I'd give you and your family some time to grieve in private." I lie and bite my bottom lip. "Also, you had Sophie there with you. I didn't want her to see me there and give you a load of grief on top of what you're dealing with," I explain with a shrug, and Cole nods and drops his gaze also. "Shouldn't you be with her right now?"

Cole shrugs, licking his lips, "After we left the hospital, she told me to go back to hers, but I just wanted to be on my own. I love the girl, but she wouldn't know grief if it slapped her in the face. She just kept telling me that I'll be fine, that Grandpa lived a full life, and he would hate to see me so miserable," He explains, massaging his forehead agitatedly. "It wasn't making me feel better at all. It's not what I needed to hear, plus Grandpa never warmed to her. They never got along, so she couldn't even relate to what I was going through." I nod, and he lifts his eyes to mine, and he sighs. "I was driving home and somehow found myself here. I sat outside your building for over an hour, debating whether I should come up or not, then I found myself at your door." He clarifies.

"It's stupid, I know, but the longer I was alone, the harder it was to breathe, and the only place I knew I could find any peace was with you."

I shake my head and watch as his head falls, "It's not stupid at all." I say, shuffling over to him. I stand in front of him and lift his head so he could look at me. "In the short time we've known each other, we've been through quite a lot together, plus I was there with you when he passed away, so I know how you feel," I explain, brushing his tears away as they roll down his cheeks.

Cole reaches up, places his hands at my hips, and pulls me closer, so I stand between his legs. "In one day, I lost you and my Grandpa, the two people who meant a lot to me." He utters sorrowfully, his voice breaking. I close my eyes when he wraps his arms around my waist and presses his forehead to my stomach. I circle my arms around his head and cradle it against me.

"Cole, don't talk like that," I whisper, and he pulls his head back and looks up at me.

"It's true, though. After tonight I'll probably never see you again." He sighs, nibbling his bottom lip.

"Cole," I plead with him, and his shoulders fall. "Listen to me, my presence in your life was always going to be temporary," I explain with a sigh. "You're only struggling because we spent so much time together at work and home, but give it a week or so, and you'll go back to your old life before you know it, and I'll just be someone you used to know," I tell him, and he looks up into my eyes, shaking his head.

"That's not true at all. You're not just 'someone' Shayla, not to me." He sighs dejectedly, and when I stay quiet, he bites his lip. "Why do you have to go? Why can't we just be friends? I don't want to lose you completely." He questions sadly, and I feel my stomach tighten at the word 'friends.'

"Cole, being friends with me won't help your relationship with Sophie, trust me. And too much has happened between us for that even to be a possibility."

Cole sighs, "You mean us sleeping together."

I nod, "Exactly, you said it yourself. We can't be just friends, Cole." He tries to interject, but I press my fingers to his lips, and he watches me. "Look at us, is this how two friends hold each other," I whisper, and he shakes his head, his eyes never leaving mine.

I brush my fingers along his jaw. "Is this how two friends look at one another." He shakes his head again, those green eyes flicker down to my lips and back up to my eyes again. "Is it still a friendship if we can still remember just the way the other tastes." Cole stares at my lips and swallows hard. I curl my fingers at the nape of his neck and press my forehead to his. "How could you think I'd be your friend," I whisper to him, closing my eyes. I bite back the tears, just itching to fall. "You have to let me go, Cole, please," I beg him miserably.

"I'm trying, Shay, believe me, I'mtrying." He breathes, sweeping his nose over mine. "It's just so hard. I think I have feel—"

I shake my head and cover his mouth with my hand. "No. Don't. Please don't." I sigh, looking at him pleadingly, and he pulls my hand away from his mouth. "You're upset and looking for comfort, that's all. I'm just comfort for you. We've done this Cole, we both know how it's going to end. Sophie loves you, she up and left her fiancé for you because you told her you're still in love with her, now you owe it to her to give it a real go." I explain, taking a step back from him, but he grabs my arm and pulls me down into his lap, encircling his arm around my waist, securing me.

"I wish we could go back to the day we were in here packing you up to move in with me." He expresses, combing his fingers through my hair while I look at him. "This isn't me. I have no idea when I became this guy. I'm stuck between both of you, and I don't know what to do." He explains with a heavy sigh. "I love her with all my heart, I do. But I want you too." I drop my gaze from his and shake my head.

"You said it yourself, Cole, you love her with all your heart. I was always the interim girl, not the girl. You're confusing yourself by overthinking what we had. It was just attraction, sexual chemistry, it was new and exciting, but all those feelings fade eventually. What you have with Sophie is real, okay, you made the right choice. You and I, we don't make any sense." I tell him and break out of his hold before standing up, putting some space between us. "This is why we can't be friends because it's confusing for both of us. So, after tonight when you walk out of that door, you leave me behind you, and you walk away…for good."

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