Page 78 of Love Me Again

Christmas Eve.

On the eve of Christmas,I was looking forward to sitting at home, curled up on the sofa with my daughter and Cole, watching a Christmas movie. That was my tradition every year growing up. My mother, father, Sam, and I would get into fluffy PJs with a steaming cup of cocoa and watch Christmas movies. That tradition got scrapped as soon as I moved in with my two alcoholic best friends. Now, we spend our Christmas eve at a bar.

“Is this really necessary?” I grumble with a pout as I dress Alaia.

“Yes!” Aimee and Jo both shout in unison, causing Alaia to start. I glare at them when she starts to cry.

“Oh no, princess, we’re sowwie.” Aimee coos picking her up into her arms and cuddling her. Aimee lifts her and pouts when tears roll down her cheeks. “How is she this cute, please?”

I smile and sigh. “Have you seen her father?”

“What about him?” Says the man himself as he walks into the bedroom...topless. I look back at him as he slides the wardrobe open to get a shirt. Admiring the bulging muscles flexing in his back, as do the girls— shamelessly—might I add.

“Uh, we were just saying that Alaia is really cute,” Aimee mumbles and winces when I smack her arm for checking out my husband. She mouths, ‘Damn,’ and I roll my eyes smiling. Engaged to be married, and she’s still got her mind in the gutter.

“Of course she is. Just take a look at her mother.” Cole smiles, pulling a white button-down shirt on and glancing at me.

“Huh, weird. Shay just said the same but about you.” Jo sniggers and I watch as Cole walks over to Alaia in Aimee’s hold and kisses her nose.

“Nah, she’s a mini-Shay for sure.” Cole smiles warmly at me before he walks out of the bedroom to join the boys in the living room again. I fall back on the bed with a groan.

“Okay, what the hell is going on with you two?” Aimee questions, handing the baby to Jo, who happily takes her while I groan and awkwardly rub my forehead. I’ve been dreading this question simply because I don’t even know the answer.

I lean over and look at the door to make sure he's gone. “I don’t know.” I sigh, looking at the girls again. “Everything’s all over the place with us at the moment.”

“What does that mean, Shayla?” Aimee frowns, laying on her stomach and peering up at me, her blue eyes narrowed a little. “Last we knew, you two were happy again. What’s changed suddenly?”

“We’ve got too many issues to work through, and trust is pretty much non-existent between us at this time, so we’ve taken a couple of steps back and decided to take it slow,” I explain, pinching the bridge of my nose.

“You two are giving me anxiety about marriage. I’m really second-guessing this whole marriage thing the more I see you two like this.” Aimee sighs sullenly. “It shouldn’t be this fucking hard. You love each other. You’re married, and you have a baby; just be happy.”

I frown. “Not how it works, Aimes. We were happy, happier than ever, but things haven’t been the same after his accident. He’s not been the same, and neither have I. I just feel like he’s putting too much pressure on himself to remember us, and he’s forcing himself to act how he thinks I need him to. Does that make sense?”

“You feel like he’s not being genuine with you.” Jo nods, bouncing Alaia while she looks at me.

“I think he’s just trying to find himself, and he’s a little confused. Especially now, his memory is coming back.”

“It is?” Aimee sits up on her knees excitedly. “Shayla, that’s amazing!”

I smile, nodding. “I know, he's starting to remember things more and more, and it’s exciting but frightening all the same.”

Jo frowns. “Why is it frightening? This is a really good thing, Shayla. It’s what you’ve been waiting and hoping for.”

I shake my head and sigh, looking at Alaia. “I don’t know, everything that’s happened to me, to us, I'm scared to be happy because I feel like if I let myself feel any sort of happiness, something will come along, and it will wreck us all over again” I explain despairingly. Aimee reaches out and takes my hand in hers.

“Shayla, you can’t live your life in fear of being happy, babe. I think you’ve reached your limit of bad luck. You’ve suffered the worst. What else could possibly—”

I hold my hand up and stop her. “Stop. Please don’t say that. My anxiety is running wild in my head, don’t add superstition to the mix.” I sigh, rubbing my forehead. “I don’t think my heart can take it.”

Aimee and Jo both look at me sadly. “How long do you think he will keep chasing you and waiting before he gives up himself, Shayla?” Jo says, and I shrug.

“I can’t help the way I feel, Jo. I wish there were a switch that I could flip and not be scared, but I can’t. Keeping him at a distance is the only way I can think to protect myself, and that probably seems selfish and stupid to those on the outside, but to me, it’s the only logical thing to do.” I close my eyes. “I’ve lost so much in my life. I lost my Dad. And after almost losing him completely and then almost losing Alaia, I’ve come too close to having nothing, girls, and that scares me so much.” I cry defenselessly, and Aimee wraps her arms around me. “I’m just too broken, and I don’t know how not to be.”

“Oh babe, we get it. Of course, you’re scared, but in time it’s all going to be okay, I promise you.” Aimee assures me as I cry silently into her chest. Aimee lifts my head and wipes my tears away. “Now go get yourself dressed up and pretty, and let's go out and have some well-deserved fun.” I nod, and we all hug before I go to my walk-in closet and get ready for this night out.

Alaia was staying home with my in-laws, who jumped at the chance to watch her while we go out. I honestly didn’t want to leave her and go out, but the girls insist, so I figured I would agree to go for a couple of hours. I wear a silver sequin dress, and the girls curl my hair and do my make-up for me. “You look fierce, darling.” Aimee drawls with an exaggerated British accent.

“Cole is going to lose his mind, baby girl.” Jo grins, spinning me around.

---