Page 39 of Love Me Again

I do need to fix myself first.

"You're right," I agree, nodding. "I do." I sigh, rubbing the back of my neck tiredly.

It'sbeen weeks, and my head is still a mess.

I've started therapy, and that's helping me piece some things together in my head. Sylwia—the therapist I’ve been seeing, told me that the gut-wrenching sadness Ifeelover Shayla was likely my guilt over not remembering and hurting her. She explained that I need to stopfeelinglike I'm obligated to give people an explanation for the way I feel because I don't. She told me they would never understand whatit'slike to be me or be in my situation, and I need to stop torturing myself trying to please everyone.

I have to be me--whoever that may be and not the version everyone expects me to be. "You'll find yourself again, Cole,it'sgoing to take time, but you will," Sylwia assures me, and I had no other choice but to hold onto the hope that I will because living with the chaos in my mind at the moment is proving more difficult than I ever imagined.

* * *

The followingweek I was sat in my office with Shayla working on the Dubai project.Itwas the end of the day, and the office was near enough empty. I keep telling myself to keep my head down and focus on work, but my eyes drift up to her face, and I find myself watching her. I study her face closely while she concentrates on her sketch.

Her long, soft, brown hair is swept to one side, a strand fell in front of her face, and my fingers are itching to reach out and brushitback so that Icouldexamineher pretty face more clearly. Eyes cast down, and she's gingerly biting her bottom lip while she works, her green eyes narrowing every so often when she focuses on something in particular. We have music playing in the background to drown out the silence while we work.

I force myself to look at the work in front of me, but I glance up at Shayla when she stills for a moment and looks at her phone, where I believe an Arabic song starts playing. A faraway look in her eyes. She blinks away the tears that gather in her eyes.

I look away just as she turns her gaze to look at me and pretend to work. Icould sense her eyes on me, and I so desperately wanted to look at her.

Fuckit.

I lift my gaze slowly, and our eyes lock.Therewas something about her gaze that caused my breath to hitch up in my throat. I couldn't look away. I was, in all honesty, spellbound. I stare deeply into her eyes, and that warmth spreads through me again.

What is that?I can't even tell you what made me do what I did next—it's like my body just took over, and I reach over, brushing my thumb along her jaw, and her eyes close at my touch, tears spill over her cheeks. I brush away them away and close my eyes when Igeta sudden flash of Shayla and me,itwas very brief, but she was looking at me the same way she was just before.

"Shayla, I think I'm in love with you."

I wince and shake my head when my head pains suddenly. I draw back and press my fingers to my temples and groan. "Cole?"

"I don'tknowwhen or how, but I love you, Shayla...so much."

"Cole, are you okay?" I distantly hear Shayla ask through the thumping in my head. Ifeelher fingers curl around my wrist as I squeeze my eyes shut tight, and I see her gazing up at me beautifully, her eyes alight, full of such emotionitmade me ache someplace deep in my core.

I press my forehead to hers. "Tell me you love me, baby," I whisper and open my eyes. Shayla looks at me, her green eyes wide and searching my own.

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