Page 70 of Since Always

At that, I glance over to the table my family had been sitting at. It is mostly empty now, with only Owen, Steph and Chris standing near it chatting with one another.

"Has anyone seen my mom?" I ask the group.

"Oh, yeah," Lexi says. "She was just going into the bathroom as I was coming out.”

"I'm going to go chat with her."

"Want me to come?" Becca asks, which sounds more like "wanmetocoom?"

"No, stay. I'll be back."

When I find my mom in the bathroom, she is standing at the vanity, staring at her reflection.

"Hey. What are you doing?"

She turns to smile at me, but it seems sad. "Nothing. Just... I was going to come find you to tell you I'm headed out. It's after 1 am, which means this old woman has turned into a pumpkin."

"You know it's the carriage that turns into a pumpkin, right?"

She waves the comment away as though I'm talking nonsense. "Okay, well, goodnight, Cass. Happy Birthday." Her voice sounds so strained.

"Mom, stop. What is wrong with you? Is this about the anniversary?"

"The anniversary? Oh, of your dad's... No. It's not that. Everything's okay. Just enjoy your night and I'll talk to you about it tomorrow."

"I mean, I'm not going to enjoy my night now because I'm going to worry about what in the hell is wrong with you, so you might as well tell me."

She sighs. "Okay, here. Sit." She gestures towards the two chairs in the restroom lounge area and we sit in them. My stomach is tied in knots, terrified of what she is going to say next. My first thought is that she is about to tell me she is sick, and I am trying to control my breathing. I cannot lose her too.

"Cass, I need to ask you something, and I need you to be honest with me, even if it scares you to be, okay?"

"Okay... Mom?"

"I need you to tell me what is going on between you and Owen?"

I know she hears my sharp intake of breath. My body trembles as though it is shivering.

"Mom, I don't know what you're..."

"The last night in Aspen," she interrupts me, speaking softly, “when you went down to your room, I came down to check on you. Except I think you know that. I could have sworn I heard you talking in his room. And then he lied to my face. He may be a good politician, but I’ve known him since he was a kid. I tried really hard to figure out why he would have done that. And then he left and you could hardly get out of bed. You've been depressed every time I've talked to you since then. I really tried to come up with any other explanation, but then I watched you dance tonight. I saw the way you look at one another. So please don't you lie to me too, Cassidy. What is going on between you two?"

My lower lip quivers and my tears come unexpectedly.

"Oh, Cassidy."

"I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't want to keep anything from you but..."

"How long has it been going on?"

There is no part of me that thinks telling her about the night two years ago would be a good idea, so I leave that out. "Just in Aspen this trip. I think maybe... I think maybe he had started to see me a little differently the last time he was with us. I think that's why he stayed away. But there's something real there and we..." I can't bring myself to say anymore. I shake my head, wiping the tears. "It doesn't matter. It's over now. He ended it when he left because he knew it couldn't go anywhere."

"I'm going to fucking kill him," she says, gritting her teeth, and there is venom in her voice I barely recognize.

"Mom, no. This is not Owen's fault. He has done nothing wrong."

"Don't tell me he's done nothing wrong. That man has known you since the day you were born. How dare he? And here you are, sitting in the bathroom crying. You've been depressed for weeks. I am absolutely going to—“

"I knew what I was getting into. It's not his fault I'm sad. If anything, it's mine. I'm a big girl and I walked into it with my eyes wide open. You can't blame him for a decision we both made." I am starting to cry again, her anger at Owen upsetting me more than I can handle. This is exactly what he was scared of. I can't be the reason he loses her.

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