Page 71 of Since Always

Seeing how upset I am getting, she reaches out to take my hand.

"Okay, Cass. You're right...you're right. It's not...all his fault, but my god, what in the hell were you two thinking?"

"It wasn't just hooking up, Mom, I swear. I care about him so much. And I think he cares about me."

She takes a moment, and I know she is steeling herself. "Okay. I need you to tell me what happened."

I take a deep breath. "We've been dancing around it for a long time."

"How long?" There is a sharp edge in her voice.

"After Dad died. Nothing before then, I promise. And on this trip, he really was trying to keep it from happening. I didn't even think we were going to be able to be friends. But, well, it happened on New Year's."

"You slept with him?"

I nod. Her fingers grip tighter into my hand.

"But it's just too much for us to be together. I think he really fears losing Chris. And you. And obviously, with his job, he knows it wouldn't look right. He's known me for so long and all."

"Since the day you were born, Cassidy. He was there, at the hospital that night, when your brother came to see you. He met you the day you were born. I just can't..." She pinches the bridge of her nose. "I just feel sick. He was around..."

"Stop," I say, my voice hard. "You know Owen almost as well as you know Chris. Please don't say something that you know isn't true, and that you will regret saying later. None of this happened until I was grown. I am 22—well, 23-years old. How long Owen has known me is irrelevant. This happened between us when we were both consenting adults. Okay?"

"Okay, Cass, “she says, again quickly sensing my rising panic. "You're right. I'm just a little overwhelmed here. I'm sorry. This is a lot to take in."

"Well, it's really not because it's over. So, none of this matters at all."

"Obviously that's not true. You love him."

She says it so matter-of-factly that I don't even consider denying it.

"I can't pretend right now that I'm happy about this. I'm trying to take it all in. You know how much I care about Owen, and I understand why you would fall in love with him. I also understand why he would want to keep this from happening. But, and I hate even saying this, the reason I knew something was going on tonight wasn't because of how you looked at him. It was because of how he looked at you. I've never seen him look at anyone like that. Not even Kaitlyn."

I shrug. "Maybe. But it doesn't do me any good."

"All I can say, and I know it's probably not a lot of help, is that I do believe that if things are meant to be, they will work out. If he can't be with you, there is a reason for that, and you need to accept that it might be for the best."

"Yeah." The word is hollow. I don't believe I will ever feel that way.

"But that being said," she says, and I look up to meet her gaze. "Don't count your chickens. What I saw tonight didn't look like something that was over. It looked like a story that was still being written."

"Are you saying you are okay with that?"

"No. I'm not. I need time. This is too much for me to really wrap my brain around. But the point is, it's not about me."

"It is to Owen. He loves you and Chris so much. I think he's so scared of losing you guys. You are like his family."

"I think it will all just take time. But I don't think Chris and I should be the reason why any decisions are made. It's not about us. I can't decide things for you. Trust me; if I could, your brother would not be back with the woman who almost killed him. If this is what you both truly want, and you are ready to face the fallout of what will happen when it goes public—because there will be some fallout—then I can't stop you. I won't stop you."

"Really?"

"It's your life, Cass. Like you said, you are an adult now. You have to make the decisions. And for yourself, not for anyone else. I want you to follow to your heart in life."

I take a deep breath and nod.

Be brave.

It's time, I realize, for me to take control of my future. All of it.

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