Page 28 of Since Always

"When you do find someone you want to be with? Have you? Found someone? And you're letting all this other shit stop you?"

I pause, and it's a moment too long of silence.

"Oh, Owen," she says, softly. "There's nothing more important than the person you choose to spend your life with. You, of all people, know that. Don't let anything else get in the way."

My heart breaks as she says it. Because I know she is right, but I also know how she would change her tune if she knew the whole story.

"It's really complicated," I say and shake my head. "It's just not…It's not a possibility."

She sighs.

"I worry about you kids. About how tragedy and loss have shaped your lives. You have done so much, and I am proud of you, but I worry about you. The same way I worry about Cass and Chris losing their dad. Chris never skipped a beat. He jumped into the business and I don't know if he ever processed anything at all. I worry someday it will catch up with him and hit him hard. And Cassidy...I don't know what's going on with that girl. She, like you, tries to convince me she's fine. But I just don't think she is. I mean, she does well in school and doesn't get into trouble, but she also doesn't seem to enjoy life much."

"Yeah, Chris mentioned that, too. It's strange; I thought Cass would love college."

"I think she would have. Everything just got derailed. You never really understand, you know? Before it happens to you. Losing someone changes your life; not just in the obvious ways, but also in a million smaller ways. It's like every path you veer down has completely new obstacles, choices, and feelings. You never get back to the path you were originally on. Not really."

"Yeah, I know that feeling."

"I know you do."

"For the record, I think Cass and Chris are going to be okay. They're both so strong. I wonder where they got that from?"

She smiles. "A lesson I wish I hadn't had to teach them. I think you're going to be okay, too, Owen. I can see it, you know. You with a wife and kids." She shakes her head. "I really want that for you. I worry sometimes Jack spent too much of his life working on the company. I know how much he accomplished, and how he changed the world, but I can't help but wonder if he enjoyed his life enough. But then I remember the kids and how they were his world. No matter how stressful things got, and how hard it all was for him, at the end of the day, he had sweet little Cass running up to him with those big wide eyes. I'd never seen a man so content as he was in those moments."

My chest tightens and I open my mouth to speak, but I can't find the words. I can picture it, the wife and the daughter running up to me, excited to hug me. A daughter that looks just like Cass. I squeeze my eyes shut to change the image.

"You know," I say, deciding I need to lighten the mood before I break down and confess everything to her. I am a terrible friend for doing this, but right now, I have to talk about something else. And really, I am probably doing him a favor by ripping off the bandage. "There may be some hope for Chris yet."

"Oh? Why?"

"Well. I'm going to need you to take a deep breath before I say this and try not to freak out. Right now, he is at the bar with Stephanie. And I have to say, she seems to be a changed woman."

Shock strikes her face.

"He is what?"

I hold my hand up, trying to calm her. "I know, I know. Trust me, Cass and I had the same reaction, but she seems sorry and a lot more mature. And I think he's still in love with her."

"Oh, for God's sake.” She falls back in her chair, squeezing the bridge of her nose.

I have to hide my smirk. He is going to kill me, but getting to see her expression really does make it feel worth it.

New Year's Eve is a big deal at the Sloane house; every year, for the past couple of decades, their party is the place to be at midnight. Jessica oversees a team of people who plan it months in advance. It's always been the highlight of the trip.

I wake up early on New Year's Eve morning to find her already frazzled and barking orders in the kitchen.

"You okay?" I ask, cocking an eyebrow at her as I pour a mug full of coffee. A young housekeeper flashes a "help me" look from behind her and then scurries away.

"Yes," she grumbles. She sinks into the barstool across the island, pushing her coffee cup towards me. "Refill?"

"Oh no," I say, shaking my head and picking the mug up so I can rinse it out and put it in the dishwasher, “you do not need any more coffee. I'm a little concerned about what's going to happen to that poor girl who just ran out of the room shaking in fear, if you have any more caffeine."

"What? I—" she says, glancing around, looking for who I might be talking about, “oh no. I'm being a heinous bitch, aren't I?"

"Well—and I say this with all the love in my heart—you're not exactly being nice."

"Shit. I'll apologize. To them all. I'm just so..." She drops her head into her hands. "It's always hard now. These parties. Sometimes, I wonder why I bother. It feels like he would want me to still have them, but I hate doing them without him."

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