Page 53 of Since Always

He comes and sits next to me on the bed, pulling me into his lap. I lay there while he strokes my hair, wishing we could save this moment in a bottle.

"How much longer?" I ask, and he glances at his phone.

"Couple of hours."

"Maybe you should just stay," I say.

He takes a deep breath. "Hey, gorgeous, sit up. I need to talk to you."

Everything inside me seizes it the tone of his voice. I have a bad feeling about what's coming.

He stares at me for a moment and then brushes his hand down my face. "You're so fucking beautiful."

"Why are you saying that like it's a bad thing?"

"Cassidy..."

There is a flare of panic inside my body, setting off fireworks inside me. I pull back from him, my breathing becoming shallow and a trembling sensation starting. He grabs my hand. "Calm down."

"Are you ending this?"

He smiles a weak smile and runs his free hand down my face. I lean into it like a cat. "I don't know how to make this work, Cass. I just don't. I wish more than anything in the world that I did. But you and I both know there is only an unhappy ending ahead for us. And the longer this goes on, the worse it's going to hurt when it inevitably ends."

I try not to cry in front of people, but I can't stop myself now as the tears spring from my eyes. "Please, don't do this. We can figure it out. It's only been a few days..."

He shakes his head. "It hasn't been a few days. It's been two years. And I can't. I just can't. What is the point of prolonging it, other than taking more risk? The last few days have been amazing. No, that's not even a good enough word. I've been the happiest I have been in... Maybe ever. But I've worked so hard for my career. It's my entire world. And it's not just about me. I have a staff. I have constituents who voted for me and trust me. I can't take that risk."

I drop my head, letting the tears flow, and feeling the pain in my chest overcoming me. He wraps his arms around me, holds tight. "I'm so sorry, Cassidy. I am so, so, sorry."

"I know," I choke and let the sobbing take over, collapsing back into his lap. I want to be angry that he is making a choice and the choice isn't me, but how can I be? He's right; he has too much to lose, and honestly, the state has too much to lose as well. In the end, it doesn't matter what I have to lose.

This is the situation I got myself into. I walked into it with my eyes wide open, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

I cry for several moments while he holds me, which makes it hurt both less and more. Because the next time I cry, he won't be there; I'll be alone, and this will be over.

Both of our phones ding and though I don't move, he reads his. "It's your mom telling us to come up. She wants us all to have brunch together before I leave."

I sit up, wiping my eyes to pull myself together, and pull in a few long, calming breaths. We look at each other, and he leans in to kiss me. I try to savor every second, wishing again for a way to stop time. When we finally pull apart to stare into each other's eyes, there are countless things I want to say. Instead, I let my gaze fall away.

He pulls himself up off the bed and takes a deep breath. He straightens his posture before he steps out the door—always ready to put on a facade. "I'll see you up there," he says, and all I can do is nod.

Once the door clicks behind him, I am filled with the emptiness of the room. The emptiness of my heart. I want to collapse back onto the bed, but I can't miss my last couple of hours with him.

It's all I have left.

I struggle over brunch, trying to keep myself from breaking into spontaneous tears every time I look at Owen. He is much better at putting on a convincing front, but I know he is struggling, too. My mom seems to be in a strange mood, which I imagine is because Stephanie and Chris are hanging all over one another at the table. To her credit, though, Stephanie keeps jumping in to fill any awkward silences. At this moment, I am very grateful for her presence.

Finally, it is over. Owen goes upstairs to get his bag and we are all milling around, waiting to say goodbye.

"I'm going to run to my room. Forgot my phone," I say, already sprinting back to our hallway

I burst into his room as he is walking out. I grab him and pull him back inside. "I can't say goodbye in front of them."

The tears are coming now, but I take a few breaths to steady myself. He leans down and kisses me one last time, bringing his hands up to my waist and clutching me. He pulls back and kisses the single tear on my cheek.

"Text me when you get home," I say. "Can we talk on the phone? Will you call me?"

"All the time," he says. "You're always going to be one of my best friends, Cass. Always."

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