Page 52 of Since Always

She studies my face for a minute before responding. "Look," she finally says, “I get why you're attracted to her—anyone with two eyes would get why you're attracted to her. We both know Cass is great, but she's still...I don't know, Owen, it seems weird. And, well, wrong."

"I know, I really do. I didn't want this. But it's not just that I'm attracted to her. I'm attracted to a lot of women and it doesn't feel like this. It's comfortable with her. I know her, she knows me. She's smart, and funny, and sees the world in a way that makes me feel like I'm seeing it through fresh eyes."

"It sounds like what you are saying is that you are in love with her."

I don't respond, but the way I drop my gaze says everything.

"Oh, Owen."

"I don't know what to do. This will ruin me. It will ruin my relationship with this family, and it could end my career. I need to stop it, but I can't imagine her not being a part of my future."

"I'm sorry. Fuck."

"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying."

"How does she feel about it? Have you talked about it?"

"Not explicitly, but she's all in; I know she is."

"Well, I mean, that girl has been in love with you since the day I met her. I don't think that's surprising."

"I know."

"Can I say something you won't like? And I'm saying it knowing full well I'm the last person in the world you should take dating advice from."

"Yeah, go ahead."

"I think you are you thinking about all the things you have to lose if you go forward with this. But have you thought about what it's going to do to her?"

"I wouldn't hurt her," I say.

She sighs. "No one plans on hurting the people they love. Trust me, I know. But she's 22 years old. If you guys try this, and then later you decide you can't risk it, it will destroy her. And if you do risk it, eventually you will have to go public. When you do, she'll have reporters hounding her outside her door. You are high profile and your love life is gossip-rag fodder. If it comes out that you are dating a college student? Well, that's sexy and scandalous and that sells headlines. Her whole life will become this. She will cease to exist and will become 'the girl Owen Blaze is sleeping with.' What do you think will happen, if the scandal costs you an election? Who will they blame?"

I know what she says is true. They will blame Cassidy. They always blame the woman. What is she risking by being with me? Would I be killing her career before it even started? What would that mean for Sloane Technologies?

"You're right," I admit. My heart sinks with the knowledge of what I will have to do. Maybe I haven't been strong enough to do the right thing to save myself. But I will do it to save her. I have to.

"I'm sorry. I hope you know I really don't want to be right about this. I care about both of you and I wish there was a way this could have some fairytale ending."

"I know there's not. That is what I've been reminding myself over and over again for the past two years. And I really thought I was smarter than to get swept up in it all. But all rational thought goes right out the window whenever I'm with her. I don't know what it is."

"I think it's that you're happy. How long has it been since you've been happy?"

"Too long."

She nods. "I know how that feels. So, what are you going to do?"

"I think I have to end it before I go. If nothing else, she deserves a conversation face-to-face.”

CHAPTER 17

Cassidy

I hadn't meant to fall asleep. I wanted to spend every second I could with Owen. But we've been spending so much time at night together the last couple of days that my exhaustion had finally caught up with me. When I wake up, I'm trying to work out how much time has passed when the door opens and he comes back in.

"Where'd you go?" I mumble.

"Just up to the office."

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