Page 31 of Fair Catch
I released it, sitting back.
“I forgot about your exam,” I said. “Honestly. And I just wanted to blow off some steam before tomorrow’s game. I thought you might want the same, and figured you’d join us for a couple drinks. It wasn’t meant to be an all-night thing. All the other guys are already back at their dorms, too, getting ready for tomorrow.”
“You got even louder after I asked you to tone it down,” she pointed out. “And don’t pretend like you didn’t do it on purpose.”
“Oh, I did,” I confessed. “But only because of what you said.”
Her face wrinkled in confusion, and then she sucked her teeth, waving me off. “Please. Don’t try to blame this on me now, especially because I know there’s no universe that exists where I could get under your skin with a stupid comment about your scholarly activities.”
“But you did.”
She looked like she was going to argue again, but her eyes met mine, and she must have seen the sincerity there. Her eyes softened, lips pressing together in a thin line.
“You did get under my skin. Not just tonight, but every time you make comments like that.”
Her little brows tugged inward, but then a shield of stone slid over her again. Before she could rebut that I deserved it, I beat her to it.
“And it’s because you’re right.”
Riley frowned, finally dropping her pencil to the table as she sat back and folded her arms. “I’m right?”
“You’re right,” I repeated. “I’m not a good student. I don’t have any talent outside of football.” I swallowed, pausing. “I’m a stupid fuck, but it drives me insane when anyone points it out.”
Riley sighed. “You’re not—”
“Don’t try to take it back now,” I warned.
A moment of silence passed between us, and I ran a hand over my fade, blowing out a long, slow breath.
“I wanted to upset you. I wanted to hurt you the way you hurt me,” I confessed. “So, I turned the music up more and I broke that empty bottle after they took their shots and I shoved Ramirez right into your wall hard enough to shake the whole dorm. I wanted to piss you off.” I shook my head. “And the moment I succeeded, I felt even worse than before.”
The corner of Riley’s mouth pulled to the side, but she didn’t say a word.
I wanted to tell her how much she infuriated me, how all I wanted was to smash whatever bullshit was still simmering between us from something that happened years ago and be friends. I wanted her to know how much I stuck up for her when she wasn’t around, wanted her to realize that I was her friend whether she wanted me to be or not.
But now wasn’t the time for that.
I wasn’t sure there would ever be a time for that.
Maybe that was the hardest thing to reconcile with — that I’d lost her friendship forever.
But at least she was listening, even if just for the moment.
“When we were kids, I was always over at your house,” I said, eyes on my fingertips where they rested on the oak table. “Gavin was my best friend, so of course I just wanted to hang out with him, and with you,” I added, eyes flicking to hers before I was staring at the table again. “But it was more than that. You ever notice that I never invited you guys over to my place? Did you ever think to ask why?”
Riley considered. “I guess I never did.”
“It was because my house didn’t feel like a home the way yours did. It felt like a factory, or a mine, like thousands of years of pressure building with the hope of pushing out a single diamond.”
I couldn’t look at her, couldn’t believe I was saying any of this out loud at all. But I wanted her to know why those comments she made rubbed me raw, why they activated the part of me nothing else could.
“I love my parents, and they love me — fiercely. They love me the way I imagine anyone in their position would love their only child, one who was hard fought for after not one, not two, but three miscarriages before me.” I swallowed. “They both had terrible childhoods, survived awful situations, and then found each other on the other side of it all. They built impressive careers for themselves. I mean, you already know — Mom as a physician assistant, Dad as the owner of an automobile shop — and they had big dreams for me, too.”
I smiled, though my heart felt heavy in my chest.
“But they’ve known for a long time, since I was very young, that school wasn’t my thing.” I swallowed, not able to put the name on it that could easily help her understand. “It took me longer than other kids to talk, to read… so, they put me in sports. In football,” I clarified. “And for the first time in my life, I showed promise.”
