Page 29 of Make Me Crazy (Loco, Texas 2)

“Alfred, get in here and help me bring out this food,” Hannah Calhoun called from the kitchen.

“Why can’t one of the girls do it,” he hollered back.

His father, Alfred Senior, yelled from in front of the TV, “Don’t you sass your mother, boy! Get your ass in there before I put my boot print on it.”

Red left them with a grumble and his mother whacked him with her wooden spoon as he passed.

M.J., Red’s oldest sister, approached them and handed Rand a card. “If you’re ever interested in being a hair model for me, I would love it. You have an awesome head of hair. So thick and beautiful.”

M.J. reached out her hand and picked up Rand’s heavy locks, running her fingers through it. Rand had never been comfortable with invasion of her personal space, unless you were about six foot three with sandy hair and green eyes

She gave Jake a look she hoped he’d interpret as “Help me” and lord bless him, he said, “Excuse us, M.J., that’s a kind offer and I’m sure Rand will let you know if she changes her mind, but I actually love her hair long.”

M.J. waved her hand. “I wouldn’t take off much, just enough to give it some shape.”

Rand had an irrational fear that the other woman’s hand would turn into sharp scissors at any moment and start hacking away at her hair.

She decided to take matters into her own hands. “I should probably help your mother set the table. Excuse me.” She practically ran past M.J. and into the very crowded kitchen.

“Can I help with anything?” She meant to ask it quietly and politely, but it came out more high pitched and impatient. Red, his mama and Jake’s, all turned to her with a mix of curiosity and surprise and she repeated, “Sorry, I just like to be useful.”

Hannah smiled and held out a platter. “Well then here. We wouldn’t want you to feel useless.”

Rand took the plate and carried it to the table, sitting down next to Jake and realizing that Jake’s mother had taken the seat next to her. Smack in the middle of her fake boyfriend and her fake boyfriends mama? How bad could it be?

Wow, Jake didn’t realize how bad things could turn so fast. Only a few hours ago, Rand had looked ready to head for the hills, and now she sat between his mama and Red’s, sharing stories of their exploits.

“Really, I tried to talk them out of it, but they insisted that they could drink the whole bottle. I ended up having to pull them off the stage where they had started pole dancing. Badly.”

Red defended their honor, much to Jake’s horror. “Hey, I think we made about fifty bucks that night.”

His sister’s burst out laughing and Rand continued, “What Red doesn’t remember is the muscle bound biker chick that almost took him home. That’s where the fifty came from.”

Red’s face turned as bright as his hair as the room hooted.

Jake shook his head and his mama asked, “How much did Jake make?”

“Not much, but he did insist on getting a tattoo that night.”

“Really?” Tabitha sat forward and asked, “Is it anywhere exciting?”

Jake held his hands up in a time out symbol. “Alright ladies, that’s the end of that. My mama’s in the room.”

The woman who’d given birth to him turned traitor as she raised a brow. “Actually this is the first I’ve heard about a tattoo. Finish the story, Rand.”

Rand shot him a guilty look and he stopped her from her obvious thoughts of back tracking, “Oh no, you’ve opened your big mouth already, please go on.”

She must have chosen to ignore his sarcasm because she smiled devilishly. “Okay, so he was looking on the wall and points at what he thinks is a skull but the artist thought he was pointing to the drawing next to it, so he asks Jake where he wants it and Jake says, “Somewhere where my mama won’t see it.” There were several snickers before she continued, “The artist gave him a weird look but ended up putting a heart with the name “Mama” on his butt.”

Raucous female laughter filled the room.

“Alright, real funny, now if you’ll excuse us, I better get Rand home,” Jake said, standing up.

Red’s two younger sisters hissed and booed, while Hannah protested, “But y’all didn’t get any pie.”

“We had some earlier.” He stepped forward and held out his hand, “How about it, Rand?”

He waited patiently as she looked around at the disappointment of her captive audience and murmured, “I do need to get up early.”

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