Page 45 of Valor on the Move
The words were shards of glass in Rafa’s throat. “Why?”
“I don’t know. There was always just something about you. When you were a kid, you had a soft voice, and there was something…gentle about you. And I know gay people aren’t all the same and I shouldn’t put any stock in stereotypes, but you had this way of…sparkling. But over the years that’s disappeared bit by bit. Maybe you’re in denial, or maybe I’m completely wrong and you’re not gay at all. But I can see that you’re miserable. You’ve always put on a smile and stayed quiet, and…we let you. But you’re not happy, are you? And I hate it, because I want you to be. Maybe it’s not my place to say any of this, but you’re my baby brother. I love you.”
Rafa’s throat was so thick he could barely swallow. “I love you too.” He blinked rapidly, glancing at the stairs. He couldn’t let Shane see him cry like a baby.
“I’m sorry to confront you like this. I know this was the wrong time and the wrong way. Hadley always says my timing’s for shit. But you never seemed interested in girls, or even had a girlfriend until Ashleigh. And I know you care about her. But if you’re repressing who you really are for her sake, or Mom and Dad—”
“I’m not.” He cleared his throat. “I’m not in denial.”
Chris nodded. “Okay.”
“I know I’m gay.”
The words hung there in the lank June air, no hint of a breeze coming to float them away in the night.
Blinking, Chris smiled tentatively. “Really? Raf, that’s great!” He reached out to squeeze Rafa’s arms briefly. “You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that.”
“You are?” Rafa had never let himself think much about how his family would react when he did come out. It had been too terrifying to contemplate. His heart swelled, and he returned his brother’s smile.
“Of course!” Chris’s white teeth gleamed in the darkness. “I was worried you’d keep it bottled up for years still. Are you and Ashleigh…?”
“She’s a lesbian. It’s been fake all along. I mean, I do love her; she’s my best friend.”
“Yeah, of course. I have to say, you guys are good. If I hadn’t grown up with you, I probably would never have guessed.”
Rafa’s head spun. Chris knows. I just told him. Out loud. I said it. “But you can’t say anything. Not about me or Ash. We have it all planned out.”
“I won’t breathe a word, I promise.” Chris yanked him into a hug. “Just let me know what you need from me and when, and I’ll be there.”
Rafa let himself relax in his brother’s arms, hugging him back. “I never thought…I’m surprised you even noticed.”
When Chris drew back, his face was pinched. “I know I wasn’t here enough. After Dad took office, I couldn’t wait to escape to Yale. Ade and Matty were here with you, but not for long. Matty got that early scholarship, and you were alone until you finally got to leave for college. Mom’s…well, she’s Mom, and Dad’s been a little busy being the leader of the free world and all that. I was so wrapped up in myself. You never got into any trouble, so I think…we all just let you do your thing.”
“That’s the way I wanted it. It was easier than being in People and US Weekly all the time, or partying like Ade, or trying for the Olympics like Matty. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Debatable, but I’m going to make up for it now, okay? Man, we have so much to talk about.” Chris grinned, his eyes gleaming. “Do you have a secret boyfriend?”
“Are you crazy?” Rafa barked out a laugh. “No way. There are no secrets here. You know that. Ash and I talk in code. Once this is over and we go back to normal, or normalish, then I can date. But not yet. Can you imagine what Dad would say?”
Chris grimaced. “Yeah, I think Dad’s afraid you’ll bring home some muscle queen in hot pants, as if gay people dress like they’re on a Pride float every day.” He rolled his eyes.
Rafa laughed, but then he tumbled Chris’s words over again in his mind. “Wait…Dad? But he doesn’t know.” His pulse kicked up again, sweat beading on his forehead. As Chris’s gaze flickered away and he took a deep breath, bile rose in Rafa’s throat.
Chris sighed. “Raf, look…I know this is hard.”
“He doesn’t know. Of course he doesn’t.” Rafa shook his head back and forth. “He can’t know.”
“Not for certain. But we talked about it once.” Looking at him intently, Chris squeezed Rafa’s shoulder. “I know this must be a shock to you, but—”
Rafa jerked away. “What about Mom? Ade and Matty? Do they know?”
“Raf, just listen for a minute.”
