Page 126 of Make Me Sin (Bad Habit 2)
I release her, nodding, too exhausted to do much more than smile. She pats me on the arm, then leaves.
Then, once more, we wait.
When I walk through the door of A.J.’s hospital room, I have to slap my hand over my mouth so I don’t cry out in horror.
He looks like death.
His skin is a waxy, lifeless gray. His eyes are sunken deep in his head. His hair is matted with blood. There’s a tube in his nose, more tubes stuck in his arms, chest, and the back of one hand, and he’s hooked up to all kinds of blinking medical equipment that make disturbing chirping and sighing noises as he breathes.
Shaking, I go to his bedside and stand over it, looking down. He’s asleep or drugged, I can’t tell which; either way he’s unconscious. The surgeon has told me he’ll be in a lot of pain when he wakes up, and not to expect him to have the strength to speak.
I don’t care if he speaks. I just need him to see me. I need him to know I’m here.
I take his hand and lean over and press a kiss to his forehead. Both are ice cold. Despite the doctor’s reassurances that A.J. is stable for the moment, he looks to me as if he’s hanging on by a thread.
Everyone’s given me time to come in alone and see him first.
I drag a chair next to the bed and sit in it, taking his hand again. I wrap both my hands around his big, motionless paw, lean over and press it to my cheek.
I sigh. “You idiot.”
It’s the first thing I think of. I decide it’s probably not the right thing to say, so I blunder on, working myself up until a stream-of-consciousness tirade is pouring out of me.
“I can’t believe you’d think it would be better for me to hate you than for us to be together. That’s all I ever really wanted: for us to be together. And you were always holding back. I get it now that you were just trying to protect me, but what you don’t get is that you just cheated us both out of months of time we should have spent together. I’m seriously pissed with you about that, sweetie.
“Your friend Heavenly is a real piece of work, by the way. Is that what you two were arguing about at the table at dinner? She wanted you to tell me and you were being your normal stubborn self and refused? Well, she followed me into the ladies’ room and gave me an earful, so now I know everything. And it didn’t work, anyway, your little plan to make me hate you. I didn’t move on. I mean, I couldn’t have anyway, because I love you too damn much, but also because of little A.J., junior. Or if it’s a girl, I was thinking Abigail. Do you like the name Abigail? We could call her Abby. Abby Aleksandra, would you like that? My mother will probably kill me if I don’t get her name in there somehow, so she might have to have two middle names. Abby Aleksandra Elizabeth Edwards. That’s really beautiful, actually. Unless you don’t like it. I suppose we could figure it out later.” I sigh again, exhausted. “We have so much to talk about, sweetie. When you wake up I’m going to talk your ear off.”
A weak, scratchy voice says, “You already are.”
I look up, heart leaping. A.J. is looking back at me with a little half smile quirking his lips. I jump to my feet, already crying, and hug him.
He hisses in pain.
“Oh God I’m sorry!” I yank myself away, aware that in my eagerness I’ve hurt him, but he grabs my wrist with surprising strength, not letting me get far. He looks straight into my eyes.
“You’re pregnant?”
I nod, wiping tears from my cheeks with the back of my hand.
He inhales, lashes fluttering, then whispers, “You’re carrying my child? We’re having a baby?”
I nod again, breaking out into a slightly hysterical laugh.
His grip on my wrist loosens. He opens his hand, reaching out for my face. I lean down, much more carefully this time, and press a soft kiss to his lips. His eyes close. His fingers stroke my cheek, tracing my jawline. “Well, then. I guess this won’t be the only surgery I’ll be having this month.”
Hope surges through me. I stare at him, waiting, not daring to speak.
Faintly, he says, “I don’t know if they can get it all; it’s too big now. They said I only have a few months left. But it might buy me more time.”
“But . . . Heavenly . . . she said . . . she said if they take out the tumor that you’d go blind.”
His lashes lift, and he looks at me with so much love and adoration my heart swells until it feels like it will burst. He whispers, “Small price to pay to hear someone call me ‘Daddy,’ don’t you think?”
My supply of tears is inexhaustible, because here they come again. “If you wanted to be called Daddy, I would’ve happily obliged!”
He smiles. His eyes drift shut. “I thought you said you weren’t into the kinky stuff.”
I sob, laughing and crying at the same time. “We never got much of a chance to try out any of your advanced moves, did we?”
