Page 79 of Sweet as Sin (Bad Habit 1)
My face screwed up. I couldn’t see anything anymore because of all the water in my eyes, so I closed them tight, shaking violently in his arms. “I’m not done with the story yet.”
It was several long moments before I composed myself enough to continue. “By the time my mother died, I’d turned eighteen. The day they called me from the hospice to tell me she’d passed, I went into labor.” From my mouth came a strangled sound. I gasped for air. “I wasn’t due for almost another two months.”
Nico fell completely still. His arms around me were crushing.
My final words were whispered. “It was a baby girl. She was so tiny. So frail. I couldn’t believe she made it at all. For three days, Brian and Diana and I slept in the NICU at the hospital, watching her fight. And then on the third day, our little baby girl died.”
Nico breathed in horror, “No.”
“The doctors weren’t clear if there was a genetic component, something wrong with the baby that would have made her premature anyway, or if the stress of my mother’s death put me into labor, but I didn’t have any money for testing, and what difference would it have made? My baby was gone. My mother was gone. And Brian and Diana suffered almost as much as I did. Maybe more, in a way. All their hopes and dreams, dead.
“And I felt responsible. Even though I hated myself for it, part of me wished I’d had the abortion like Glenn wanted me to. Part of me thought it was my own fault, all the suffering I’d caused this sweet couple. Part of me wanted to die, too.”
Nico turned me to face him. He was shaking his head, tears welling in his own eyes.
I cut him off before he could speak. My own words were sobbed. “So I don’t know—if there’s something wrong with me—if maybe I can’t have a healthy baby—”
“Angel.” Nico crushed me against his chest, kissing my face, my neck. “Angel, stop! It doesn’t matter! What matters is us—”
“But you want a family!” I wailed. “What if I’m broken? What if I can’t give you what you want?”
Nico rolled onto his back, taking me with him. He hugged me so tight I could barely breathe, but I didn’t care. I clung to him, crying hard, my face in his neck.
His voice in my ear was gentle, but determined. “You are what I want. You are what I need. Anything else is a bonus.”
“But—”
It was his turn to cut me off, his voice firmer. “No buts! There are doctors we can see if you’re really worried about it. We can get answers from professionals before we make any decisions, okay? Jesus, I’m sorry. If I’d known anything about what you’d gone through, I’d have brought this up in a whole different way.”
He kissed me again, stroking my hair away from my tear-streaked face. “How about this.”
I blinked up at him through wet lashes.
“How about if we get married, and work out all the rest of this stuff later? Let’s take care of the important thing first.”
My tongue wouldn’t work. In fact, none of my bodily functions seemed to be working. I felt like I was floating, weightless, in outer space.
Nico frowned. “I’m not likin’ that look on your face, darlin’.”
I managed, barely, to say his name. Whatever he saw in my face then made his own face crease into a smile.
“It’s settled, then. We’re gettin’ hitched.”
“Wait,” I said, breathless, reeling. “Wait.”
His frown retur
ned. “What?”
“You can’t propose without a ring.”
His brows shot up. “No? ’Cause I just did.”
“Now? But . . . yesterday. What happened with Avery.” I hated to say it, but it had to be said. “And soon, the funeral.”
Sorrow welled in his eyes. His voice was quiet. “Yeah. The funeral. Need to know I’ve got you there by my side. Need you standin’ next to me. Gonna need you more than ever, that day. And every day after.”
When I began to protest again, he shook his head. “No more secrets between us. And no more distance. It’s you and me, a team. And I want to know you’re legally obligated, baby, because you’ve got a bad tendency to bolt for the hills.”
