Page 85 of When You Became Mine

“No, he doesn’t. No one knows how you feel except for you. Jack was your twin brother. His loss affected you in ways Hampton could never fathom. You need to see someone and talk about it,” I told her firmly.

She shook her head as best as she could as it lay on the pillow. “Shrinks are for the weak.”

I laughed. Loud and sharp. “I didn’t know I was curled up in my bed with my brother.”

“What does that mean?” Her tone was clipped, defensive.

“Those words are straight out of Hampton’s mouth and you know it.”

“No, they are not. I just think it’s a waste of time to go talk to a stranger about how you’re feeling. I don’t know anyone it’s helped.”

“It helped me.”

She sucked in a breath. “It what?”

“After I went to Vegas, I saw a counselor for almost a year,” I confessed.

I’d never told anyone I’d struggled with guilt, so convinced I could have prevented the tragedy that there were many nights I didn’t sleep. But Piper needed to know she wasn’t alone. That she had never been alone.

“You did?” Her words were quiet, timid. “Why?”

It had taken time, but I’d learned in therapy that there are things outside of my control. Something I’d always known, but it was different when a tragedy struck. The things you knew went out the window when you thought there was any sort of glimmer of difference that you could have made. But even with the months and months of hard work, and the years since then, the pain of thinking of and talking about that night was still there. And I knew that if it hurt for me, it had to be downright brutal for Piper.

I scrubbed a hand over my face before I very carefully answered. “I spent a long time thinking I could have stopped Jack. Sometimes when I dream about that night, I wake up still feeling the guilt of his death, as though it was my fault he’d died. I was the oldest. The only one sober. I should have done more than just get in my fucking car and follow you.”

Her head bobbed. “That’s exactly how I feel. Every day I think about him. And every day, I try to convince myself it wasn’t my fault. And every day, I fail.”

Her eyes were wet again, quickly filling with more tears that would break my heart all over again. “You aren’t failing.”

“I am. I keep losing everything that’s good in my life. First, my brother. Then Hampton. Now, my career.” She motioned a hand between us. “This thing we’ve got, it’s too good to be true. I spent so long trying to ignore the way I felt about you, even after we got together. Because everything I love disappears. So, I knew that if I fell for you, it wouldn’t be long before something happened to ruin that too. But”—she broke off with a bitter laugh—“you can’t control your feelings, you know. And, dammit, you are so freaking amazing. Your texts were what kept me from going crazy while I was in Philadelphia. How could I not fall in love with you?”

My heart was thundering in my chest so hard I was convinced the entire bed was shaking with each beat. I blinked, trying to focus on her face as she continued.

“And so, when your friend sent me a cryptic text that you’d been in an accident, I convinced myself it was finally happening. That I’d lost you too.”

I wrapped my arms around her. “You’re in love with me?”

“Well, yeah.”

“And you think that every good thing in your life gets taken from you?”

“It does.”

“There is not a single chance in hell that anything will ever take me away from you. And when I do die, eighty years from now, I’ll claw my way back out of the grave just to be with you.”

She quirked a brow and pressed her lips together to stifle a smile. “You’re going to live to be one hundred and ten years old?”

“I’ll live exactly one day longer than you, whether that’s another eighty years, or eight hundred years.”

Her eyes were swimming again as she whispered, “God, Lawson. I love you.”

They were the words I’d wanted to hear my entire life. But when they tumbled from her lips, breathy and full of emotion, they were more than just words. They were an awakening. And maybe I was the Neanderthal she’d accused me of being a few months ago, because knowing she was in love with me, I felt like I’d just conquered the world. There would be nothing that would ever compare to the sense of relief I’d felt as those words passed through her lips.

I crashed my lips to hers and rolled us.

There was no hesitation as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders, clinging to me as I slid my tongue into her mouth, tasting her. She was even sweeter than when we first kissed.

Our mouths moved together in a relentless rhythm, and soon we were both panting and breathless. I pulled away but hovered over her, thankful she was so absentminded and always leaving the lights on. I wanted to be able to see her clearly when I told her I was in love with her too.

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