Page 48 of Society's Most Disreputable Gentleman

Not trusting herself to speak, Amanda merely nodded. Then, with a shuddering breath, she said, ‘Would it inconvenience you terribly if I went home to Ashton Grove to talk with Papa?’

‘It’s only natural you want to consult him on so important a decision. I’m sure he will advise you to be sensible. Very well, my dear, make your plans. Enough of this, now. Our guests will be arriving any minute.’

‘I’m sorry to have disappointed you,’ Amanda said softly, feeling tears sting her eyes.

Lady Parnell sighed and gave her a quick hug. ‘You know I only want the best for you. I just hope you’ll temper emotion with prudence. And remember—such opportunities as you have been blessed with occur only once in a lifetime.’

Before Amanda could add more than a thank you, Kindle entered to usher in their first dinner guest, and social duties left her no more time to worry over her future.

As soon as their guests departed, though, she would set Betsy to packing. Greville Anders would be returning to Ashton Grove, and before she distressed Papa by announcing a choice that might pain and disappoint him, she must see Mr Anders again.

In the morning three days later, home again in her own chamber, Amanda stood gazing at her reflection in the glass, nervously smoothing her gown before going in to speak with Papa.

To her great disappointment, when she arrived late the previous evening, she’d discovered Greville Anders was not in residence. He’d gone to visit his sister, Sands told her, and hadn’t yet returned.

So she would have to talk with Papa without seeing him first. Smoothing the lace of her gown one more time, she began to pace, wondering just what she should tell him. If she confessed her partiality for Greville, how would Papa react? With disappointment…anger…disgust?

Her thoughts still swung wildly back and forth between putting her feelings aside and meeting everyone’s expectations by accepting Trowbridge, and abandoning the secure future he represented to offer herself to Greville Anders.

Her practical side said she was a fool even to contemplate doing something so risky—what if Papa disapproved and threatened to disown her for throwing away her grand prospects? She didn’t think she could bear to forfeit his love and support. But if he didn’t approve, what was she to do about her passion for Greville Anders?

She simply didn’t know…and the prospect of having to make a choice between them was devastating.

On the other hand, she didn’t want to finish her days a successful hostess and esteemed wife…whose heart ached with longing for the man she’d never stopped loving.

Oh, if only Greville were here! She just knew that if she could see him again, confess her feelings and watch his face, she’d be able to tell if her powerful, tempestuous emotions were returned. Or discover she’d been building a castle of dreams about his love that was completely devoid of reality.

In that case, she could always go back to London and accept Trowbridge’s offer.

A sudden, powerful conviction seized her, freezing her in mid-step. For the first time, with brilliant clarity, she realised that accepting Trowbridge—accepting any other man—was no longer possible. Regardless of how he felt about her, she loved Greville Anders and no one else would do.

She didn’t want to settle for mutual respect and tepid affection, or insult Trowbridge by living a lie, pledging her hand to him while her heart belonged to another.

Along with that surety came the knowledge that she had no choice but to take the risk of confessing everything to Papa.

If she was about to put her whole future in the balance, she might as well get straight to it. Her heartbeat accelerating like a bird taking flight, she headed for her father’s study.

He gave a delighted smile as she entered and came over to embrace her. ‘Sands told me you’d arrived home last night! How good to see you, my child!’

‘I suppose you can guess why I came home.’

‘To see if Althea was taking proper care not to let me slip out of the house in defiance of doctor’s orders? To discover whether Cook was nipping at the sherry or the underbutler nabbing the silver?’ he teased. ‘Althea is doing a wonderful job, by the way.’

‘I knew she would. And, yes, I did want to check on you and all those things. Oh, how I’ve missed you, Papa!’ she exclaimed, giving him another hug.

‘I must confess, I didn’t expect to see you again so soon. Is…is everything going well in London?’

‘Oh, yes, Papa! I’ve loved becoming better acquainted with Lady Parnell. The parties and dancing and theatre, the shops and entertainments have been marvellous.’

‘The handsome escorts, too, if London gentlemen have eyes in their heads. But if nothing is amiss, I’m guessing you’ve come about one in particular. Am I right, puss?’

Amanda nodded. ‘Lord Trowbridge told me he intends to ask you for my hand. Unless I tell him not to.’

Her father raised an eyebrow. ‘And why would you do that? Is Trowbridge not exactly the sort of husband you’ve been seeking?’

‘His character and position are everything admirable. Except…he doesn’t really love me.’ When her father started to protest, she halted him with a wave. ‘No, he admitted as much. He believes admiration and affection to be a better basis for marriage. But…there is someone else who has engaged my heart, more deeply than I ever thought possible.’

She gave her head an agitated shake. ‘Oh, Papa, I’ve tried and tried to talk myself out of it, but in the end, I can no longer deny how I feel. I hate to break the promise I made to Mama and disappoint you and Lady Parnell, but somehow, against all my better judgement, I…I’ve fallen in love with Greville Anders.’

There, she’d said it. Now she held her breath, watching her father anxiously.

‘I see,’ he said non-committally.

At least he hadn’t leapt to his feet in anger, or called Sands to have her expelled from the house. But then, she should have known her gentle father would not chastise, but instead seek to understand before reacting to her confession.

‘I suspected there was some…partiality between you,’ he said at length. ‘Does he return your feelings?’

Her laughter had an hysterical edge. ‘I’m such a fool, Papa, I don’t even know! I think he returns my feelings and kept silent to let me have my Season, unimpeded by any other commitments. But even not knowing what he wishes, I can’t marry Trowbridge. Or Lord Melcombe or any of the other gentleman Lady Parnell expects to offer for me. I must marry the man I love…or no one.’

‘Anders is a gentleman, too, and will make excellent estate manager. But will being a mere country gentleman’s wife make you happy? Since you were a little girl, you’ve thought of nothing but becoming a grand society hostess. Are you sure you can abandon that vision?’

‘I can’t blame you for doubting it. I’ve enjoyed the Season, but more and more lately, aside from the dinners at which political matters are debated, the endless rounds of parties and pleasures and entertainments, shopping and gossiping, just seems so…trivial. It is like existing on a never-ending diet of sweetmeats.’

She laughed ruefully. ‘After all that time spent thinking I couldn’t wait to leave the country and live in London, I found I missed it. The rustle of wind in the trees and across the grass, the soft low of cattle in the fields, the scent of meadow-fresh air untainted by smoke and street refuse. I missed the rhythm of country life, people tending fields and flocks, their days spent in hard, useful, necessary labour. Missed tending to them and the household, activities focused on more than just gratifying my own desires. When I arrived home yesterday, nothing had ever looked more beautiful to me than the fields and manor at Ashton Grove. I guess I’m a countrywoman at heart after all.’

‘You are sure this is what you want?’ he said again. ‘If you abandon your Season now, you will most likely forfeit for ever any chance of making a great society match.’

‘Lady Parnell already warned me as much.’ She smiled tremulously. ‘I never thought I would choose woods and fields and cottages over the excitement of the city, but it seems I have.’ She came over to kneel before him, looking up anxiously into his eyes. ‘I’m sorry I’ve turned out to be such a disappointment. You…you won’t cast me off, will you?’

He leaned forwards to envelop her in a hug. ‘How could you even ask such a thing? Surely you know your happiness is always, ever what counts most with me.’ He chuckled. ‘How could you imagine I would be disappointed for you to eschew London in favour of the country, when I’m sure to spend more time with my eventual grandchildren if I don’t have to visit the city to see them?’

Sobering, he continued, ‘Greville Anders is a good man of sound principles. He may not be titled, or as rich as Trowbridge, but he’s a gentleman, with connections to some of the highest families in the land. If you want him and he asks for your hand, I’ll not deny him permission.’

An enormous feeling of relief flooding her, she squeezed her father’s hand. ‘Thank you, Papa.’

‘So, how do we proceed now? Do you wish me to speak with Mr Anders when he returns?’

---