Page 47 of Society's Most Disreputable Gentleman

He gave her a look that did not disguise his desire. ‘I may not advertise it by profligate living, but I have passion enough, I assure you. Or are you referring to what is commonly called “falling in love”?’

He shook his head. ‘I’m afraid I discount the emotion. Since those friends who claim to have succumbed to it generally regret the experience, it seems to me a madness best avoided. No, a successful marriage, I believe, should be founded on respect, mutual interests, and a pure and lasting affection.’

A madness best avoided. Reflecting upon the chaos into which her feelings for Greville Anders so often tossed her, perhaps he was right.

‘True, we’ve not known each other long, so perhaps you have reason for believing you don’t yet know me well enough,’ he continued. ‘I admit to being impatient. A lady as lovely and unique as you, my dear, attracts a great deal of notice, and I couldn’t bear to have the prize I value so highly claimed by someone else.’

Is that all she was to him…a prize to be claimed, another valuable possession to embellish his home?

When she remained silent, unable to dredge out the proper words about being honoured and gratified, he continued, a bit anxiously, ‘I hope you don’t think badly of me for recognising what I want and pursuing it boldly. If you feel I’m being too precipitous, I’m willing to wait. I’ll not press you for an answer immediately. Talk with your father first, if you want, and when you’re ready, I’ll call on him.’

He gave her a wry smile. ‘Perhaps you’re offended that I’m addressing you without first obtaining his permission. Understandably, I think, I didn’t wish to make the journey to Ashton Grove unless I was certain of obtaining your consent. I’ll not entreat you further, but simply hope we will soon come to an understanding that will make me the happiest man in England.’

Taking her numb hands, he kissed them, then looked ardently into her eyes.

Did he want to claim her lips? While she stood irresolute, torn between curiosity and a desire to flee, he bent and kissed her.

A soft, gentle brush of the mouth, made with no demands. A shiver went through her, whether of unease or satisfaction she couldn’t tell.

Then his hands clutched her shoulders and he kissed her again, his tongue tasting her lips briefly before releasing her. ‘I’ll show you much more passion than that, once you give me the right,’ he said, his voice rough. ‘Now I’d better get you back before Lady Parnell sends Kindle after us.’

He offered her his arm, resuming his discussion of the impediments the tangled finances of Royal Dukes were creating in the matter of their marriages. Her thoughts scattered, she barely heard him.

Somehow she made it through the rest of the afternoon, chatting with other guests until calling hours concluded. The moment she could, ignoring Lady Parnell’s enquiring look, she fled to her room.

Too restless to sit, she stood at the window, gazing out at London streets and rooftops, feeling a pang of longing for the green fields and windswept Devon coastline whose intensity would have astonished her only a few months previous.

What was she to do, now that she’d received the declaration she’d dreaded?

Accept him, and the landscape outside her window would be her new home. She would achieve everything Mama and Grandmama had dreamed of for her: guarantee herself a life of affluence and ease, obtain an important position in society and become an active participant in helping her husband shape their nation.

He would be a husband who esteemed and admired her, who wanted her standing beside him, wanted to show her off as one more beautiful ornament in his home. One who, though he desired her, didn’t believe in nor wish to experience the mad, illogical abandon of the senses that came with falling in love.

Except, she was very much afraid she had already experienced it.

She touched her lips. Trowbridge’s kiss had been…pleasant. It didn’t sear and burn and make her want to wrap herself around him, pull his hands to her breasts and have him bury himself deep within her.

In fact, when he’d kissed her again, she’d almost backed away, as if what he sought belonged to another.

Was she an idiot? She wasn’t even sure if the man who’d created such havoc in her heart and mind spared her a thought. He’d saved only a few moments out of his visit to London to spend with her, and then spoke almost nothing of himself, as if he didn’t think she needed to know much about his future.

Had their interlude at Ashton Grove been for him merely a pleasant flirtation to pass the time, and the episode in the Neville Tour just a virile man happy to oblige a maiden who’d shown herself more wanton than she should be?

Even if it had meant more, he’d made it quite plain he had no interest in London or the affairs of state. She smiled, recalling how he’d tweaked Trowbridge as his father’s ‘assistant’ when he defended the valour of the common sailor.

Was she truly contemplating turning her back on the city, wealth and the position in the political world she’d dreamed of since childhood to run after a man who might not even want her?

And what of Papa? With his recovery still uncertain, he’d steeled himself to send her to London anyway, so she might fulfil her dream. Would he turn from her in disgust if she threw away every advantage her family and Lady Parnell had worked to give her to choose a man who wished only to be a simple country gentleman?

Her stubborn heart insisted what they’d shared had been more than flirtation, more than obliging lust. Insisted, before she made the irrevocable decision to choose esteem over love and satisfaction over passion, she must find out for certain how Greville Anders felt about her.

By now, her head was throbbing. In the midst of the turmoil, she knew only one thing for certain. Some time tonight, she would tell Lady Parnell that she wanted to go home.

After greeting her hostess in the parlour before their dinner guests arrived, Amanda fell silent, not sure how to tell Lady Parnell she wished to leave at the height of the Season without seeming ungrateful for all that lady had done for her.

‘You seem pensive, my dear.’

‘Lord Trowbridge told me he intends to make a formal offer,’ she blurted out.

‘Wonderful!’ Lady Parnell exclaimed. ‘I’m so happy for you! It’s what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it? Oh, your dear mama would be so pleased!’

‘Except…I’m not so sure it’s still what I want,’ she admitted. ‘Oh, I have enjoyed London, especially the political evenings here and at Lady Ravensfell’s and Lady Holland’s. They were stimulating, exciting and I loved every minute.’

‘That’s a foretaste of what your life would be, if you married Trowbridge. His character and understanding are excellent, and it’s clear he cares for you. My dear, you can hardly do better than an earl’s son. Why the hesitation?’

‘It’s just…my heart is not totally engaged. He seemed to say that love would come later, a deepening of mutual respect and affection. Can that be true?’

Lady Parnell frowned, clearly not pleased by Amanda’s unexpected indecision. ‘Not everyone experiences falling in love. My own marriage was arranged by my family, but I came to esteem my husband very much, and miss him still. Besides, quite frankly, “love” may be well and good, but there are much more important considerations in wedlock. Money. Property. Family connections.’

Amanda knew so little of the world. Would mutual respect and admiration last longer, be more likely to make her happy, than the extremes of passionate emotion Greville evoked in her?

‘Is there…someone else?’

Startled out of her musing, Amanda jerked her head up to find Lady Parnell’s thoughtful gaze resting on her.

‘The fact that you are not falling for the charms of Lucien Trowbridge makes me wonder if you left a beau in the country, someone who still holds a claim upon your heart.’

After a moment’s hesitation, Amanda confessed, ‘Yes, there is someone.’ Ah, how good it felt to finally admit that! ‘I hoped to meet a gentleman in London I could like just as well, but I haven’t.’ She gave a pained laugh. ‘To make it worse, I don’t even know if he really wants me. Or if Papa would approve the match if he did.’

Lady Parnell’s frown deepened. ‘Is he that ineligible?’

‘He’s a gentleman’s son, but cannot boast the wealth or title of Lord Trowbridge. Nor has he any aspirations to play a role in the political arena.’

Lady Parnell shook her head. ‘Be very careful, my dear. I’ve seen a handful of misses make the mistake of believing passion a sufficient substitute for a substantial income and a secure future. I assure you, it is not.’

She took a restless turn about the room, while Amanda stood silent, anguished at having displeased the lady whose approval meant so much to her.

Lady Parnell stopped and turned back to her. ‘Amanda, if you turn down Trowbridge, society will be astounded. The Ravensfells will not take a refusal of their son’s suit kindly, and their influence is substantial. There’s no guarantee you would ever receive so advantageous an offer again, or one that would gain you entrée into the political world you enjoy. Meaning no disrespect to your father, who is a most estimable gentleman, I none the less sometimes think your mama regretted settling for a simple country gentleman.’

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