Page 124 of Beneath the Stands (Sugarlake 2)

She stands up, wiping a stray tear from the side of her face.

My chest pulls tight. I don’t like it when Ma cries. It makes me want to do something to take away the sadness, but I don’t know how.

“Hey, Ma. I’m gonna win the game on Friday. Just for you.” I grin big and wide, expecting to see her frown disappear just like Pops’s would—to see her eyes spark with expectation and distract her from her tears.

But she just smiles softly, interlocking our fingers as we walk back to the car.

“I’m sure you will, baby. But I’m proud of you either way.”

“Paw died of a broken heart?” Lee asks.

I nod, my heart squeezing so tight I can barely get the words out. “So the story goes.”

She looks down, picking at the blades of grass. “You think that’s why Daddy is the way he is? ‘Cause he’s livin’ with half his heart and God didn’t show him mercy?”

My elbows rest on my knees, emotion rising into my throat and burning behind my nose. “I don’t pretend to know the first thing about God, sis. But yeah.” I blow out a breath. “I think when Ma ended up here in this grave, Pops stayed behind with her.” I pause, looking over at her. “I’m sorry I never listened.”

She sucks in a breath.

“I don’t know that it woulda made a difference if I had, but…”

“Do you remember Lily?” she asks, suddenly.

My forehead creases, the abrupt shift in our conversation throwing me off-kilter. “Of course I do. Chase’s sister, and your other sidekick.”

“Yeah, the one you didn’t go and fall in love with behind my back.” She smirks.

“Lee, I—”

“It’s okay, Eli.” She waves me off. “My issue is with Becca lyin’ to me, not with y’all two together. I mean… I think you’re an absolute jerk for doin’ Sarah dirty but that’s between you, her, and the Almighty.”

“But I’m not—”

“Lily overdosed, did you know that?”

The words die on my lips, because no, I didn’t know that. It’s just another reminder of how much I missed while I was trying like hell to stay away.

“No,” I whisper.

Lee nods

. “Yep. She was lost for a long time… probably longer than any of us realized. And by the time anyone did, it was too late.” She shakes her head. “But I knew, Eli. I knew and I…” She closes her eyes and shakes her head. “I didn’t speak up. I didn’t try to help when there was still somethin’ tangible to grab on to. And I can’t help but feel like I did the same thing with Daddy.”

A sob breaks free and both her hands come up to cover her mouth, her knees curling into her stomach as she rocks back and forth.

I’m frozen. I have absolutely zero clue how to make this better, and just like when I was ten years old and watching Ma cry, I don’t know how to take away Lee’s sadness. I only know that I want to.

Pulling her into my arms, I cradle her as she cries against my chest, her tears soaking through my shirt and seeping into my skin.

I hold her for who knows how long, absorbing her pain from the years I was gone, yearning for the right thing to say. But I don’t have a clue what it is.

So instead of filling the air with worthless words, I sit at the foot of Ma’s grave and rock my grieving sister, wishing I could bring back Lily and cure Pops myself, just to take away her pain.

53

Becca

It’s been a week since Eli fucked me then flipped me upside down when he said it couldn’t be more.

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