Page 123 of Beneath the Stands (Sugarlake 2)

Lee faces me fully now, her head cocking. “What was? Dyin’ a disappointment?”

“Just being one in general, I guess. Life was different for you growing up, Lee. Pops was different with you.”

She scoffs. “Don’t gimme that, Eli. I had the same childhood you did. We grew up in the same dang house.”

Irritation cuts at old wounds. Lee never looks at things from my point of view. She never wants to. “I’m not surprised you think that.”

“Was there a point to your morbid story?”

My defenses bristle, scaling along my skin like armor, bitterness that instead of asking why it was different, she brushes me off. Again. Like she always has. But I let it go because it isn’t what’s important, and despite her not realizing the ways she’s wronged me over the years, I do realize the ways I’ve wronged her. And I’d like to try and rectify that.

“Anyway, we get to Paw’s grave and after a few minutes, I ask Ma how he passed. I knew MeeMee had cancer, but for the life of me, I couldn’t remember how he died.”

“Huh,” Lee murmurs. “I can’t remember either.”

I glance at the headstones across the way—where both my grandparents rest—the memory playing like a movie while the words slide off my tongue.

“Ma, how did Paw die?”

Ma’s hand smooths over my hair, pushing it off my forehead. Her touch sends a blanket of comfort cascading through me and I smile as she looks down at me.

“He died of a broken heart, baby.”

My face scrunches. “A broken heart? I ain’t know you could die from that.”

“Well, now ya do.” She winks before her lips tug down in the corners. “Sometimes, when you lose the other half of your soul, you lose the will to live with it.”

My brows draw in, trying to make sense of her words. I didn’t know your soul was something you could lose. I wonder what it feels like. “That’s sad.”

The hand that was on my head trails down my arm, squeezing my fingers. “No, baby. Not sad. Your paw was one of the lucky ones. Instead of havin’ to exist with half his heart, the Lord took mercy on his soul and let him live in Heaven.”

“With MeeMee.”

She grins. “That’s right, sugar. With MeeMee.”

I think about that for a moment, confusion twisting up my insides. “But what if he wasn’t done?”

Her head tilts, eyes squinting against the sun. “What’dya mean, baby?”

“With livin’.”

Ma squats down beside me, her hands framing my face. “Now you listen close. Just because he’s dead, doesn’t mean he’s gone.”

“Then how come we can’t see him?”

“Because he’s an angel now, baby. Him and MeeMee. They shine too bright for our eyes to see.”

“Oh.”

“But you can feel them,” she says.

“You can?”

Ma nods, pressing her hand to the center of my chest. “They’re right here. Always.”

“How d’ya know?” I whisper.

“Because that’s where we keep all the people we love.” She taps her fingers against me. “In our hearts, so we can feel them with every beat.”

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