Page 46 of Exposed to You

“Of course.” I closed my eyes briefly. This was my fault. I’d let this happen. By giving him ultimate control over me, I’d let him believe I was his property.

“I wanted to take care of you. To make sure you’re safe.”

“That’s not the way to do it.” I leaned back against the cement wall, putting my hands behind me. “This past week has been amazing and you’re very important to me.”

His eyes began to move back and forth as he anticipated what I was going to say next.

“But I have to look out for me right now. I finally got a job, Dallon. I’m figuring out what I want to do and I can’t let anything come between that.” I took a deep breath. “Even you.”

“What are you saying?”

The sudden fear in his eyes threw me, and I looked down at my feet. I couldn’t believe I was actually saying these words.

“I’m protecting my job. You embarrassed me today, Dallon, and I don’t want to lose it.”

“Bullshit,” he said, stepping rapidly toward me so that he was only a foot away, looking down at me with wild eyes. “You aren’t afraid of that. You’re afraid because I freaked out after seeing Ruri and said a bunch of stupid shit.”

My chin shook a little. “Things you might have meant.”

“I screwed up, Amy. I felt guilty about Ruri and blamed myself for the things she did next.”

“You’re in love with her.”

“No, I’m not.”

“But you care about her.”

“Yes, because she was an important person in my life, and I’m human.”

I bit the inside of my cheek and looked down.

He slammed a palm against the wall above my head, leaned over me. “But you’re the one I yearn for, Amy. I’m never happier than when I’m with you. You have me completely—mind, body and soul.”

My heart ached; I wanted so desperately to believe him. |You made me feel ashamed, Dallon. Of the things I’ve done.”

“Don’t. Don’t ever feel ashamed about who you are.” He took my face in both hands, his eyes searching mine. “Everything you’ve revealed about yourself makes me love you even more.”

Love. There it was again, but could I believe him?

“You think you have to be someone you’re not. You don’t have to pretend with me, Amy.”

“I’m not pretending,” I responded, but my voice shook.

“Then say you forgive me. Because I am sorry, Amy—I’m so sorry I made you doubt how I feel about you.”

When I pulled my face away, he let me, but the hurt was evident in his eyes. Then he scowled. “Why didn’t you tell me the truth about Michael?”

My breath caught in my throat. “What are you talking about?”

“You didn’t tell me you have a restraining order against him. What did he do, Amy? And why did you keep it from me? I’m assuming it was more than cheating on you.”

I glared and tried to step around him, but he placed his other hand on the wall, caging me in.

“You said me confiding in you is important. Shouldn’t it go both ways?”

“Let me go, Dallon.”

His jaw tightened. “Answer my question.”

“I didn’t tell you because I don’t really want to talk about him. Not with anybody and definitely not with my new boyfriend. How did you even find that out?”

“I have a friend that’s a cop.”

“Bullshit,” I said, turning it around on him. “You did more sleuthing than that.”

A muscle in his cheek twitched, betraying him, but he didn’t respond. I had a sick feeling in my stomach, like we’d been playing a game the whole time and he was the only one who’d known the rules.

“How long have you known?”

His eyes bore into mine, and for a moment, I wasn’t sure if he’d answer. “I looked into you the weekend you turned down my job,” he said eventually.

“Interesting.” I shook my head angrily. “You want to know the reason I have a restraining order on Michael? Because he was a stalker, Dallon. That’s the official story, anyway. Partner rape is harder to prove.”

Dallon’s face contorted. He staggered backward, swaying slightly on the spot as if unsure what to do next. His eyes looking me up and down as his jaw clenched and unclenched. “Christ, Amy. Why didn’t you tell me?”

I closed my eyes to shut him out. “I’m moving out. I’ll stay with Sam until I find a place. I have money now.”

“You don’t mean that.” His voice was a pained whisper.

“I can’t give you what you need.”

“Yes, you can.” He reached out and caressed my cheek, and I shivered at his touch. The electricity between us was palpable even now.

“You already have. What’s more, you wanted it too. Maybe we’re both messed up, but we belong together.”

I swallowed hard. It had only been a week, but I was in love with him—I couldn’t deny it any longer. And now I knew I had to end it. Again I was teetering on the edge of the precipice, but this time if I gave in, it would be the end of me.

“Admit it. Admit that like me, you were the happiest you’ve ever been this weekend. Please.”

I felt my resolve breaking, the desire to admit that yes, the weekend had been amazing and it had made me realize just how in love with him—and how vulnerable—I really was.

I would have to hit him where it hurt.

“I don’t need another stalker boyfriend.”

His hand stilled and then dropped away.

“Is that how you see me?” I could hear the anguish in his voice. He was quiet for a moment before adding more quietly, “Of course you do. I’ve never tried to hide my true self from you.”

And I was rejecting him for it. The knowledge pierced my heart. Behind my lids, my eyes filled with tears, but whether they were due to sadness or anger, I wasn’t sure, as suddenly the memories of everything I’d done and the subsequent way he’d treated me came rushing forth.

“I gave myself to you, and you lost respect for me. I don’t mean anything to you except a warm body to fuck.”

His sharp intake of breath made me shut my eyes tighter. My breathing was rapid, terrified by how he’d react.

“That’s what you really think?”

Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, “And I don’t want to end up like Ruri, a girl you control and use until you’re done with her.”

He was deadly silent now, and I knew I’d wounded him. I’d hit my mark. I hadn’t meant to be so cruel and I regretted my words instantly—but there was no taking them back. Moments passed before he spoke again. I didn’t dare open my eyes for fear of giving in; seeing him in pain would kill me.

“So that’s it then.” His tone was bitter.

I bit my lip and nodded. The electric feeling left, as if a light switch had been turned off. A few seconds later I heard his footsteps going down the stairwell, and I opened my eyes to find I was alone.

I’d left Dallon King, and he’d left me.

I slid down the wall and cried.

***

Sam found me, claiming that my sobs had carried down the hall. I was seconds away from curling up in the fetal position on the cool cement when the door to the stairwell opened, and she rushed in.

The pain was indescribable. Like I’d lost part of myself. Like I’d bared my heart and soul, only to lose them both.

Back in her apartment, Luke wrapped me in a blanket and Sam made a pot of herbal tea to calm my nerves. I sat staring forward, not focusing on anything in particular, while the realization of what I’d done sunk in.

Sam’s face appeared as a blur in front of me as she passed me a steaming mug of tea. “It will get better,” she promised.

This is grief, I thought. This is what it feels like to actually love someone and lose them.

I had my freedom now, and I’d never felt more alone. As I moved through my job the next day, I felt empty, like I’d been emptied out. I smiled and managed to carry on conversations, but

he was always at the back of my mind.

I wondered what he was doing. I wondered how he was doing. I wondered if thoughts of us were tormenting him the way they were tormenting me.

I’d deleted his voicemails without listening to them, but now I regretted it, desperate to hear his voice again. I checked my phone every five minutes. Whereas before I could go days without using my phone, now I was tethered to it, addicted.

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