Page 54 of Only One Bed: Anthology Vol. 1
"I was about to wake you up," he said. I eyed the chicken.
"How long is chicken good in a cooler?" I asked. Cheese started off rotten, it could probably live in a cooler for days without giving me food poisoning. Chicken I wasn’t so sure about.
"I dunno, I went into town. We drank all the beers so I was going anyway. I grabbed a salad, too."
"You're an angel," I said before I could stop myself. I hadn't thought about salad at all, and it sounded like the most delicious thing in the world. The last day hadn't been super full of fruits and veggies.
"That hike tired you out, huh?" Ryan asked. He was focused on the chicken, probably making a deliberate effort to ignore the rather weird thing I’d just said.
"No. I mean, it was a long walk, but real life intruded on my weekend."
"Exhausting."
"Yeah. Is that why people love camping so much? You can just peace out on all your problems for a minute?" I asked.
Ryan laughed. "It's definitely one reason." He adjusted the skewers. "I'm glad we ran into each other," he said, not looking up.
I could tell it wasn't an easy thing to say. I watched him for a minute, wanting to tell him the truth but a bit embarrassed by it. Besides, if I started being too truthful with this cute – okay fine, hot – dude, I might start opening up in other, even more ridiculous ways.
"Me too. I'd be lost without someone to help," I admitted. Ryan looked up at me, a tiny smile that I could mistake for smugness playing about his lips. Oh, boy. I hadn't noticed how pretty his dark eyes were. The silence turned awkward for a hot second, until his phone went off, playing a merry little tune.
"Chicken's ready!" His usual cheerfulness seemed a little forced, but things went back to their natural, comfortable state as I helped him dish out dinner, open beers, and feed Basil. Ryan told me some stories about his previous camping trips while we ate, clearly trying to make me laugh, and I found the good dark chocolate bars I'd put at the bottom of my backpack.
"Salted caramel or coconut almond?" I asked.
"I hate coconut," Ryan said. I flipped him the caramel one, and when I sat back down, I couldn't help but notice that he'd moved his camp chair to my side of the crackling fire.
My stomach did a hopeful little flip; he wanted to be closer to me, and I couldn’t remember the last time someone had really wanted to get close. I’d gotten into a pattern of work-eat-sleep that hadn’t left many chances for closeness. My instinct was to immediately talk myself out of hoping, especially since I was definitely too careful to let some stranger worm his way into my pants, let alone my heart.
Ryan had probably moved because it was easier to talk when you could actually see each other instead of squinting through darkness and flame. Camp felt much cozier this way, too. The fire danced, casting its warm, inconstant light in a glowing ring. Ryan’s arm brushed my knee as he reached down to pet Basil, who sat across my feet with a loud doggy sigh, finally tired out.
"Choco-cheers," I said, trying to keep things light, and Ryan laughed. He tapped a corner of his chocolate against mine. "That was good dinner. Thanks."
"Thanks for being good company," Ryan said. "I usually spend these weekends alone."
"That's not very nice to Basil," I said. God, I hoped he didn't get all mushy on me. I was a sucker for mush.
"It's his first camping trip, remember? It gets lonely sometimes."
"I thought outdoorsy types liked being alone," I said. "Maybe that's why I've never been an outdoorsy type." I felt my shoulders stiffen as I realized I’d said too much and put a couple squares of chocolate into my mouth to shut myself up. I could barely taste it, really only aware of the texture of coconut and crunchy almonds.
"Sometimes it's nice to be alone. But I think this weekend I really needed the company." Oh jeez. He was being really open and sweet. "It's too bad there's not much of the weekend left."
"Yeah." I toyed with the ends of my braids, wishing I could say that my weekend was indefinite at this point. It might make me feel better to tell someone I'd gotten fired. It might make him happy to suggest we take another day. But I couldn't make myself admit it. I folded the wrapper back around my chocolate bar, no longer interested in it.
"Mat?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I kiss you?" Ryan asked.
I didn't answer. Instead, I leaned over and kissed him. It only took a moment for his hand to move to my jaw, his fingers brushing the exposed side of my neck. His lips tasted bittersweet and salty from chocolate, and the scent of him filled my head, sweat and something soapy, citrusy. I was dizzy, floating, clutching him to anchor myself as my whole body grew warm.
Excitement gave way to anxiety as I realized that getting close to him was a mistake. I was a mess and he was a complete stranger and I shouldn't have spent the money on this trip and all I wanted was to be at home under a blanket. I pulled away.
"What's wrong?" Ryan asked. I escaped to the tent before he could see me cry. "Mat?" He called after me. I thought I heard him sigh when I didn't answer. Part of me wanted him to come after me, care enough to check on me, but the rest just wanted to be alone. I was half-disappointed, half-relieved, when he spoke again. "Well. Let's get you in the truck before it starts raining, buddy," he said to Basil.
I bit my lip, guilt overwhelming all my other emotions, and dug my phone out of my pocket. It was a ninety percent chance of rain. Shit. I didn't want to let Ryan sleep in the rain or in his truck, but getting in close to him again was definitely dangerous. That kiss had messed me up. If we shared the tent, I'd end up naked before I knew what had happened.
