Page 59 of Outside the Lines
“Eventually?” Simon ground the word out. “I don’t know what the hell I did for you to treat me like shit.”
Man, that was a punch to the gut. “You didn’t—you didn’t do anything.” I’d been dumb enough to fall in love.
“Then what the hell, Ian?” His voice pitched up, both in volume and tone, and he waved his hands in frustration.
I looked away. I couldn’t take the pain in his eyes, the crack in his voice. Mistake, that, because what I found was my dragon, the one I’d given him. He’d painted it, the entire sculpture, the darkest shade of black I’d ever seen. Not one spot of white bisque remained. If I thought his words had hurt— This was far beyond that blow. I took one step and then another, until I was leaning over the table, my heart in my throat and my lungs too tight to breathe.
There’d been so much detail there, now covered over. The dragon that leapt toward the sky wasn’t the one I’d painstakingly created. Something else sat there now, ugly and twisted and false.
“Our relationship.” Simon’s words were cold and low.
Simon didn’t think himself an artist. Oh, he was. Only a fellow artist could have rammed the blade in and twisted it so neatly.
“That’s unfair,” I said.
“No, it’s not, and you know it.”
I couldn’t argue, because in the end, Simon was right. I hadn’t wanted to face this. Tried to avoid it. I’d run. I’d been caught. “Look.” I stared at my hands. “It’s not you—”
“Don’t you dare, Ian. No platitudes. I’m thirty-five years old. The ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ routine got old in high school.” He’d come closer. I pushed myself off the table. God damn him. I wastrying. I didn’t want to hurt him more or make this harder than it already was.
“You want the truth?”
“Ialwayswant the truth.” He met my stare. “Always.”
“I can’t do this.” I gestured between him and me. “I tried, but I can’t be this side fling you have.”
He stepped back, his expression shifting to confusion.
“I mean, you’ve got the perfect life, Si. A beautiful wife who understands you. A great community. An adorable snotty cat. I don’t fit into that picture. It was like a dream being with you. This wonderful, incredible time we had. But it’s not real, you know?” My heart hammered against my ribs and I couldn’t keep the tears from slipping past. “I’m not a part of your life. I can’t be a part of it. But I want to be and— I didn’t know what else to do.”
The anger had drained away from Simon like blood, leaving him pale and watching me. He scrubbed his face. “Wait. What are you trying to tell me?”
Everything tumbled in my head. I glanced at the dragon, its glory covered, and tried to find the words. “I know we just met, and everything moved so damn fast, and you’re fucking amazing . . . and . . .” I swallowed and met his wide-eyed gaze. Simon had his hand over his mouth. “I fell in love. Which is stupid to do in a week.”
Simon didn’t move, so I kept going.
“Thing is, I want tobewith you. Not be a fuck buddy or a friend with benefits or whatever the hell we were. But that’s impossible because youhavea life already. So I . . . ran. Which was dumb. And cowardly. And I’m sorry. But I couldn’t take the thought of you dumping me when our time ended, so . . .” I wiped my eyes. There. That was all I had. The tears were gone and I felt hollow.
“Oh.” Simon breathed out the word. “Damn it, Ian.” No heat. He backed up and leaned against his washing machine, and took a deep breath. “I wish you’d told me some of this. I should have asked too, which is my fault.”
“Would it have made a difference?”
When he met my gaze this time, some of the Simon I’d known from two weeks ago gazed back, not the furious man, but the hurt and yet understanding one. “Yes.” Another huff of painful laughter. “Did you think I was lying when I said I loved you?”
“Yes . . . and no.” Man, the pain on Simon’s face. “I mean, I’m sure you meant what you said, but it’s not like you love me like you love—” I glanced up to where I’d last seen Lydia in the kitchen.
Simon closed his eyes and twisted his lips. “Oh, for fuck’s sake,” he mumbled. When he opened them again, he sighed. “Do you know how long it took me to realize I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Lydia?”
I shook my head.
“Three days. We were married a month later, and everyone said it would never last because it happened so fast.”
I didn’t know the point of this. “But it did. You guys are perfect together.”
He let out a laugh. “Oh, we’re not. No one is, Ian. We love each other to pieces but we alsotalkto each other. We’ve always been poly, so we knew all the pitfalls of relationships since we’d been through them. Youhave tocommunicate if you have any hope of surviving. That’s true of every relationship, but up the number of people, and it’sessential.”
Still didn’t get where this was going. “I don’t understand.”
