Page 38 of Up All Night
I swallow and figure that it's best to rip it off like a Band-Aid."I just tested negative."
He shakes his head."Dammit, Lark.Why didn't you wait for me."
"Because I, well, I just can't stand to see that disappointed look on your face."
With a sigh, he pulls me close."Babe, we're in this together.I don't know why you feel like you can't tell me.Look, I want to come with you to see the gynecologist tomorrow, okay?I know that you said no, but I want you to reconsider."
"Why do you want to come?She's going to talk about all the girl parts, and I know how that makes you squirm."
"If I want to have a baby, I'm going to have to learn all about that.I should have a long time ago."He says soberly, brushing off the bad day.And since he's being a real trooper about it, I figure that maybe he's ready to come with me and face the music.
"Okay.If you really want to."
"Yeah?"It's the first smile I've seen on his face today.
"Yeah.But remember that if there isn't anything conclusive from my tests, that you'll have to do that dreaded sperm test and maybe more."
"I come from a long line of healthy, virile men, Lark.I'm sure that there is some explanation for it."
His arrogance is infuriating."Hey, remember?I'm a fucking twin, okay.If anyone comes from a fertile clan, it's me."
He realizes his folly.He places his hands on my shoulders."Lark, for all we know, neither of us is to blame here.It could just be stress.I've heard of that, too."
"Yeah, and we all know who gets stressed when it comes to baby making in this relationship."I don't remove the clip from my tone.
He ignores my jibe."Is it because we're not married?Is that what's bothering you?"
He's fucking ridiculous.We never spoke of marriage until he popped the question six months ago.We'd only been together for a year, and the minute that he gave me that ring, I feel like it came with a price.We started trying to have a baby that night.I dreamed of having kids when I was little, and when my aunt had her baby and I was twelve, but since we started trying, it's like he's sucked every bit of me wanting to be a mom out of me.And now I'm more worried about disappointing Steve than I am about failing not being a mom yet.I want to take a break from it.I want to get back to the way that we were before we got engaged.When we had our careers in common.When it was naughty and hot that I had been sleeping with my sexy boss.When we stayed up all night fucking and talking about selling properties.
Now all we talk about is babies.He actually had the audacity to take away some of my clients, so that I could rest more, because he figured I should do that, since I'm trying to get pregnant.If it means scaling back on my job, I'm no longer interested, but I love him to death, and I don't want to lose him over this."No, it's nothing like that.It's not like I can flip a switch, Steve.Jesus Christ."I laugh mirthlessly."And what makes you think that it's me?We just went over this."
He lifts a hand."Fine.We shouldn't even be talking about this.It's late and I've had a bad day.I'm going to bed.I'll see you in the morning."
Back in the day, we'd fuck if we made a sale or not.Now he saves his sperm for special occasions.Like when I'm ovulating."Goodnight."
After I toss back a couple of glasses of wine, I join him in bed.I try to climb on top of him, but he grunts and turns onto his side.I end up masturbating to a video of this hot guy doing hand stands on Facebook before going to sleep.Steve is ready before me the next morning.He grabs himself a coffee and heads for the door."We should go."
"I'll be right out.Just let me grab a coffee."
Another chiding look.Fuck, I'm not pregnant, for goodness sake.We get stuck in traffic, so he's stressed to the max when we arrive, five minutes late.The doctor sees us ten minutes later, after he's had a chance to cool off."Lark."Dr.Grant says in greeting."Steve."
He nods hello as I sit on the tissue paper covered bed, in anticipation of some news that will either please my fiancé, like he's won a fucking bet, or humiliate him.
"The results are normal."She starts with."Your hormone levels are fine, your ovaries are in perfect health, so is your uterus.Everything is in working order."
My inner goddess just did a fist pump.
Steve clears his throat.His eyes are on the polished linoleum floor."Um, is it possible that it's just because she's under stress?"
Dr.Grant looks at me and speaks matter-of-factly."Are you under stress?"I feel like she wants to add, 'because your fiancé here looks like I couldn't drive a stake up his ass without brute force'.
I frown and shake my head."No.Not at all."
Steve chuckles mirthlessly."That's ridiculous.You guzzled a bottle of wine last night before bed."
"I had two glasses.And I haven't had a drop since I failed my last pregnancy test."
The doctor interjects."Perhaps a fertility specialist is in order here.And maybe some couple's counselling?Fertility issues can be very daunting on some people."
