Page 39 of Up All Night
Steve lifts a hand."Look, we don't have fertility issues.Maybe Lark just needs to take a break."
I agree.Best thing he's said in ages."Yeah, a break.Let's take a break from baby making for a while."
"No."His face goes blank, matching his tone."I think maybe you need to take a break from work."
I'm aghast."Are you saying that you're going to fire me because I can't give you a baby?"
"You're being hysterical.I just mean take fewer clients.Don't take high stakes ones, either.They stress you out."
My hand goes to my chest."You just sat in here and heard her say that all my systems are clear, Steve.This isn't a me problem, it's a you problem."I turn to Dr.Grant."Isn't that right?Should he go and get his sperm tested?"
"Once I transfer your file to a clinic, they will order that, yes.Since your body is in perfect working order."
Another fist pump from my inner goddess.
I look at Steve.I think there's actually steam coming out of his ears.
"I can recommend you to a fertility clinic, Steve."Dr.Grant offers."They're highly spoken of and have a very good success rate."
Steve rises."Forget it.This is over."
When he spoke those words, what he meant was that not only was this appointment over, but so were our baby making plans, our relationship, and my fucking job.
I pull up to Liv's house and she's sitting on the porch, like she expected my visit, even though I didn't call her and I know that she never uses her phone to locate me."Hi."She says, her tone is trite.
"I'm sorry about earlier."I start with.
"I'm sorry, too.You look nice."She smiles and pats the Muskoka chair next to her.
"Thanks."I sigh as she hands me a glass of sweet tea from the tray on the small table between us."You know, you're right."
"What am I right about?"
"I am healing.Slowly."
"Yes.You are."
After a beat, and a few sips of my sister's delicious homemade tea, I speak again."What happens if I really can't have kids and he wants them?"
She sighs."First of all, you can.Second of all, you'll deal with it.What you and Steve had wasn't true love.If he did love you, then he wouldn't have treated you like a pin cushion, like a machine."
"What if they're all like that?"
"They won't be."
"What if he doesn't want kids and I do?"
"Then you need to talk to him about that.Tell him the truth.That's the only real difference here.You weren't honest with Steve.You should have told him that you'd lost your will to procreate because of him."
"But he would have dumped me and fired me.'
"And he did, anyway."
"I know."I laugh mirthlessly."Why do I always have to fall for the guy that I'm not supposed to fall for, Liv?Steve was my boss and Stone is Lucy's client."
"Nobody has control over who they fall in love with."
"I know."
