Page 49 of Love on the Brain
Page after page of magazine clippings and computer printouts detailed the future she wanted to create. Designer scrapbook paper and stickers depicted a younger Jane’s dream life had brought forth a new kind of heartache. She understood Shelby’s cynicism now, and her refusal to believe in fairytales. But life had surprised her sister with an unexpected turn of events last summer, and over time, Damon’s sunny, cheerful charm had softened many of Shelby’s rough edges.
Anything was possible, and Jane yearned for another chance at happiness. But Noah’s health had to come first.
She found peace in the private graveyard and always felt better after pouring out her heart to her mother and husband. “Hey, Mom. Hey, Casey.” Jane swiped at her eyes. “Mom, I wish you were here. You’d know what I should do. Casey, I … I’ll just come out and say it. I’ve developed feelings for Ryan … beyond friendship.”
Her gaze wandered to the stone on the other side of her mother’s, where her maternal grandparents were buried.
Jane gasped as a thought struck her. “Casey! If Ryan and I get together, where will my final resting place be? Here with you or with Ryan?” A sudden sob burst forth, shaking her to the core. “I don’t want you to be alone! If Ryan and I are buried here … I can see it now. ‘Here lies Jane, with her two husbands.’” A fresh burst of sobs shook her, and she pulled her knees up to her chin.
“Jane?” Shelby sat next to her and drew her into a hug. “Remember, this is just for our empty shells. In Heaven, everything will be restored.”
“Everything?” Did that include marriages? It couldn’t; the vows clearly stated till death do thee part. But… “How much of that did you hear?” Jane asked in between hiccups.
“Enough to know you have feelings for Ryan and they’re eating you up inside. If God brought you together and opened your hearts, why are you pushing back?”
“I believe He did, but I feel like I’ll have to choose between them for eternity.”
“Hmm.” Shelby rested her head against Jane’s. “This may sound a little harsh, but you’re not the first woman to be widowed and find love again. Please, go for it. Get yourself that doting husband, houseful of kids, and white picket fence you and Molly always wanted. She’s on her way to it, and she had to go through a lot to get there, including forgiving Jack. But you don’t have to forgive Ryan for anything. He knows you inside and out. And he could rival Damon for Mr. September if his hospital did a calendar of hottest doctors, just sayin’.” She waggled her eyebrows.
Jane laughed at Shelby’s last comment. “Who’d have ever thought the two of us would end up with college ballers?”
“Definitelynotme.” Shelby smirked. “Especially not one from the South. Do you know what Damon said to me today in his overly thick drawl—you know he does that on purpose when he wants an eye roll from me, and I happily acquiesce, of course.”
“What?” Jane asked.
Shelby leaned back and cleared her throat. “‘Honey bee,’ he said in his deep voice, ‘Honey bee, do you know you’re prettier than a grove of healthy peaches after two years of canker?’”
Jane snorted. “What?!”
“That’s what I said! Apparently, canker is a tree disease. Afungus.”She shook her head.
Jane laughed. “Never a dull moment with that one, eh?”
“Nope,” Shelby said. “So you wanna hear my theory and advice?”
“Yes, I think so.”
“Good, ’cause I was gonna give it anyway. Remember, this isonlya cemetery. The Casey you knew and loved isn’t here. Sure, his bones are. But they’re just bones. Soulless. Sad. They can be removed.”
Jane gasped. “Mm-moved?” she mumbled like a car motor.
“Yeah, you know. Dug up like Mom’s ancestors to clear land for the Europeans. Anyway, Casey isn’t here to tell you what or what not to do, but he was a big brother to me since I was a teenager, and he always told me to follow my heart, like he followed his to Crane’s Cove. How many times did he tell me not to ignore my heart’s calling and that it was the only calling I should listen to, because it was God speaking to me and through me? Follow your heart, Jane. And please, join the grief group at church. They won’t bite.”
Jane sat for a moment, ruminating on her sister’s words. Caseyhadsaid all those things, to Shelby, to his students, to his athletes, to Noah, even when he was too little to understand. Her therapist had suggested the grief group years ago. “It’s probably too late. It’s been over two years since Casey died.”
“It’s never too late, Jane. You know I go. Some of the ladies lost their husbands or children decades ago. They’ve been so helpful to me, and Damon’s been going to the men’s group, too. He said Dad’s been really insightful in helping him process that last case in Atlanta. Come with me tomorrow? Just once? The older ladies are nurturing and supportive and say all the right things and even check in on you. If you hate it, I won’t make you go back.”
Jane shook her head. “I need to get with Molly and Rachel and help plan out your wedding week. I’ve been the worst matron of honor.”
Shelby squeezed her shoulder. “No, you don’t. They’ve got it handled. You need to take care of Noah and get him well, and take care ofyouso you don’t fall apart. I don’t know how you’re holding yourself together.”
“But I’ve dreamed of this since we were little. This is what big sisters do. You can’t write me out of your wedding planning.”
“Well, I did, so deal with it. Besides, Molly is having too much fun with her Cricut machine. She’s even personalizing our champagne toast glasses with ‘bride’ and ‘groom’ and shot glasses with Daisy Mae’s logo on them. Meemaw ordered four dozen of those, plus T-shirts to sell in the restaurant. Do you really want to deprive her of the opportunity to put vinyl on our tanks, totes, makeup bags, across the back of our underwear—”
“Underwear! What?”
“Kidding.” Shelby’s mouth twitched at the corner. “Mostly. Just making sure you were listening.” She grinned. Molly even made a makeup bag for JC that says ‘Bestie’ and has plans to fill it with snacks.”
