Page 48 of Love on the Brain
Ever?
Jane looked to Ryan to explain.
His emerald gaze was tense and stormy. Taking her hand, he gently tugged her into the room. His thick arms encircled her, and Jane hugged him back tightly, squeezing her arms around his waist and breathing him in.
She closed her eyes, and she was twenty again, and he was holding her with the same rush of care and protection as when she learned her mother had died. It felt the same, but it was different now.
Theywere different now.
“Is everything okay?” Jane ran her palms up his back to pull him closer to her.
His forehead fell to her shoulder. “Yeah. More than okay. I just needed you.”
“I’m here.”
“I know.”
She clung to him. A part of her was glad she was leaving this afternoon. It would be too tempting to go back to his house and forget about her life and her problems. Start new here, where Ryan and his team were close in case any complications sprang up in the next month. Live out a new fantasy that had pushed its way to the forefront of her brain.
She replayed the highlights of the evening before: the candlelit dinner, the easy flow of their conversation, the light teasing and effortless laughter as they revisited memories, how perfect it felt to be in his embrace, feeding each other, the kissing. She wanted more of it.
She wanted all of it.
But mostly, she wanted to feel alive again.
And no one made her feel more alive than Ryan.
In a month, if they still felt this connection, they’d know it was real and maybe have a better idea what to do about it.
Ryan’s phone vibrated against her hip. With a sigh, he stepped back and reached for it. “Five minutes until I need to get behind the drums.” He took hold of her hand and laced his fingers through hers, his thumb grazing the underside of the cool gold bands of the rings on her fourth finger.
She should take them off.
No, not yet.The guilty-sad cycle started up. Jane tried to push it from her mind as Ryan led her down the hallways to the main sanctuary.
“I’ll find you after the service.” He kissed her forehead at the side door nearest the stage and slipped inside.
Jane squared her shoulders and followed the crowd entering the main door and hurried to her seat with Noah, Connie, and Dale.
Despite hardly hearing a word of the service, Jane felt lighter. Unable to tear her eyes from the handsome man on the drums, she let the Spirit work within her, and by the last note of the closing song, she felt the elusive peace she’d been searching for.
* * *
Back in Crane’sCove the next morning, while her father and Noah were polishing the pews in preparation for the annual Holy Week events, Jane snuck out of the church to the small cemetery at the back of the property. Centuries-old headstones mingled with modern ones, and it was those she was heading for.
Jane was glad to be home and get back to her routines and schedules and wedding planning with Shelby and Molly. She sat on the cold, hard ground between the two granite markers and closed her eyes. Yesterday afternoon’s parting had been awkward at best. Unready for Casey’s parents to see that she and Ryan had developed deeper feelings for each other, Jane made her goodbye to him at the airport quick and polite. He’d ridden along with them, sitting in the back seat with her on the other side of Noah’s car seat.
After hugging Noah, Ryan had drawn her into a hug. “Call me tonight?” he asked, his voice so low it was barely audible.
“Yes,” she whispered back. She stepped out of the hug and raised her voice to normal. “Thanks for this week, Ryan. For everything.” She dared a glance at Connie. How could she be beaming when her deceased son’s wife had obvious feelings for his best friend?
This morning, after watching Casey’s good morning video, she’d dug out her Vision Binder. She and Molly each started one when they attended a church camp the summer between middle and high school. Over the next eight years, they’d added to it, creating a collection of goals and dreams.
Most of it seemed like a fantasy now. The aspirations and wishes of a couple of idealistic, silly girls who hadn’t yet been crushed by reality.
Life had taken Jane’s mother too soon, and ripped away Molly’s ability to create life, which led to her first husband divorcing her. Casey had fallen ill not once, but twice the second time claiming his life. The dream of living next door to Molly and raising happy families together just hadn’t been God’s plan for them.
They’d both questioned their faith, but over time had come to understand and trust God’s hand and His timing. Molly’s dream of motherhood had been fulfilled as a stepmother to Jamie, whose own mother had died. Jane thought Molly was the perfect mother for the little boy, understanding the special needs of a child with Down syndrome and knowing instinctively when to encourage him and when to pull back.
