Page 44 of Love on the Brain
“Likewise.” Jane placed her hand in his, and he didn’t let go right away. Ryan glanced up and was surprised to find their eyes locked on each other.
Well, how about that? Ryan smiled. He imagined his and Sunny’s future double dates with Casey and Jane, instead of whichever of their church group friends was available.
Familiar voices overrode the daydream. Ryan glanced over his shoulder at the house next door. The window to Casey’s old bedroom was a few inches open.
“It’s not a date, Noah.”
“But why not? How am I gonna get a new daddy if you don’t go on dates?”
There was a pause. “Why on earth do you think you need a new daddy? Your dad was amazing.”
“I know. But he’s not here. Jamie got a new mom. He picked Molly and got his Christmas wish! He said you have to go on dates to get married, and younevergo on dates, Mommy.”
“That’s because I was already married, Noah. I don’t need to get married again. I loved your dad very much.”
“Yes, you do! Because Daddy died. And I want another daddy.”
“Honey, you can’t just replace a daddy like he’s a broken toy.”
“I know. But Iwanta new dad. Please? To do dad things with. And Uncle Ryan isperfect.”
Ryan’s heart ached at the anguish in Noah’s words.
“That’s enough, please. Uncle Ryan lives in Texas. We hardly see him. Let’s finish getting you ready so you can have a super-fun night.”
“Okaaaaay.”
But what if you didn’t live in Texas?The voice in his head asked.
He pushed the thought away. It was irrelevant. Tonight wouldn’t be a date; Jane had been clear about that.
But … should he treat it like one? Test the waters? He knew she struggled with the pull between them because he did, too. It was palpable, and Ryan didn’t believe it was temporary or coincidental or stress-activated.
God had put them in each other’s hearts and was working inside them for a purpose.
And they should trust Him to reveal it when the time was right.
* * *
“Oh woooooow.”
Ryan lifted his brows at Jane, his lips twitching. “Good?”
“So good. Are we sure they didn’t steal the recipe?” Jane set her fork on the plate as she savored the last of the bourbon- and Guinness-flavored steak tips.
Ryan laughed. “MaybeIshould steal the recipe. I haven’t seen you enjoy yourself this much since … I don’t even know.” He sobered, quietly wishing he could take his words back. She’d been grieving for so long. He shouldn’t have pointed that out.
“I know.” She met his gaze. “I’m tired of being sad, Ryan.”
“Hey.” He inched closer to her on the corner booth’s crescent-shaped bench seat and looped an arm around her shoulders. “It’s okay to be sad. Everyone grieves differently.”
She leaned into him and dropped her head. “I miss him, but I’m used to him not being here now. And that makes me sadder, because I feel like I’ve moved into another phase, and then I feel guilty for being there. I’m angry that he’s missing Noah grow up, and I’m angry that Noah doesn’t have him to grow up with. And then I get sad again. It’s a constant cycle.”
Ryan squeezed her shoulder. “What does your dad say?”
She shrugged. “Not much. He prays for us every day and reminds me to trust God.” She lifted her chin to meet his gaze. “But I’m afraid. I don’t know how to simultaneously honor Casey and move forward.”
Ryan exhaled slowly as he chose his next words. “I think the way to honor Caseyisto move forward. I knew him my whole life, Jane. And I can tell you with one hundred percent certainty that you being sad would make him sad.”
