Page 22 of Love on the Brain
Jane’s heart cracked for him. “Casey told me a few times he didn’t think you were happy. But you always assured him you were fine. That you didn’t seem to want anyone else.”
Ryan’s head fell into his hands. “I couldn’t tell him the truth. It was too shameful.”
“What do you mean?” She shifted and pulled at his fingers. “What was shameful?”
“My feelings. You, Jane. I wanted YOU. Still do. More than anything. Not romantically, back then. I just wanted to be around you, all the time, because you made me feel good. About myself, about life. You’re easy to be with. I can be myself. I still feel that way. Our friendship has been the brightest light in my life. So to hear that you once felt something more than friendship for me … Wow.” He smiled up at the ceiling, shaking his head ever so slightly as if it was the most unbelievable thing. “It gives me hope that one day I can earn more than that again.”
“Me?” she squeaked. How was that even possible? “You want more than friendship with me?”
He bent over and tipped up her chin, forcing their gazes to connect. His thumb grazed her skin, his touch burning it, the pulse of his thumb throbbing. “It’s never been so clear to me. It makes sense. Such perfect sense.” He spoke breathlessly. “Is there a chance? That I could earn your love?”
“Oh, Ryan.” Jane’s eyes stung with tears. She let them spill over as she feathered his hair off his face. “You silly man. You don’t earn love. It’s a gift that’s given purely from the heart with no strings attached. My heart has loved you for twelve years. I’ve no doubt that love can transform and grow into more than friendship, if one chooses for it to.”
Jane absorbed the words as she spoke them, feeling their meaning with her heart and down into her core. But the dreamlike foggy state of her mind was having a hard time believing the possibility of friends-to-more with Ryan was real.
“Really?” Ryan’s tone was almost pleading, full of need.
There would be no going back to being just friends if they crossed that line.
And what about Casey?
Casey’s gone.The voice within her echoed in her head loud and clear.
Casey would want you both to be happy. And he would for sure want the best man he knew to step into the role of Noah’s dad, if Jane were looking to fill the role, wouldn’t he?
“Really,” Jane said firmly. “I trust you completely. You’ve always taken good care of my soul. I could see myself gladly and wholly giving my heart to you, Ryan, if that’s what’s meant for us.”
* * *
If it wasthe whiskey talking. Ryan knew he’d forever regret bringing out that bottle. But if it wasn’t—if Janedidthink she could someday love him as more than a friend, he wanted to celebrate. Jump for joy. Yell from the rooftops. Kiss her senseless.
Would it be so bad to kiss her? How did this work? He’d never dated anyone but Sunny, and they hadn’t kissed until they’d been sort-of dating for years.
But he’d been a kid back then. Jane was not a kid. She was a grown woman, a mother and a widow who loved his best friend until he died.
Who still loved him.
WhatwouldCasey think of this? Of them together? So many thoughts…
Jane was looking up at him, waiting for a reply to her declaration.Gladly and wholly, she’d said … but how could she wholly give him her heart if she still had love for Casey? Ryan didn’t have any love left for Sunny. A nostalgic fondness, maybe. They’d been a couple for more than a decade. But he’d be lying if he said he’d loved her the way he should have, the way he’d read about, the way that was portrayed in movies, the way his parents loved each other.
A love that made you tingle with joy when you saw your person. A love that made your heart ache when you were without the person who held it. A love that you couldn’t explain, that justwas.
He didn’t have words for Jane. None that made sense, anyway.
Still stunned by both of their admissions, he lowered his face and gently pressed his lips to hers. The soft skin of her Cupid’s-bow-shaped mouth was the most pleasurable sensation he’d ever felt. He pulled away quickly, realizing he’d forgotten to ask her for permission.
“I’m sorry, I should have asked. I—”
Jane pressed a finger to his lips. “Never apologize for letting your heart lead your actions.” She shifted in his arms, and he realized she was trying to stand.
His arms loosened around her and fell to his sides. Above him, she smiled and extended her hand. “Stand up and kiss me properly.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he drawled with a smile. He pulled her hand to his lips and placed a light kiss on her knuckles, then pushed up from the floor. He towered over her, being a full foot taller. For a moment, he just stood there, taking in her familiar features through this new lens ofshe could be mine.
Ryan didn’t want to do anything wrong. He’d take Jane’s lead, match her pace. Be what she needed,whoshe needed. When and where she needed.
Where she … he almost groaned out loud.Maine.But he knew in that instant he’d move there in a heartbeat, just like Casey had.
