“You are disgusting,” Abby says.
Pam tsks. “Lord, if you can hear me, please send this pain in the ass of ours a man so he can stop this shit already. Amen.”
Krystal and Abby sayamenin tandem, and I laugh. Zayne only flips us off.
“Actually…” I say carefully. “Yes. Not that seeing them once or twice can be considered dating, but?—”
“You are literallystayingin their house,” Krystal says. “With thethreeof them.”
“I have not even been there a full day yet, guys, let’s not jump the gun. All I did was unload my stuff into their garage. That’s it. Plus, I still have my stuff from my brother’s that I have to take over there, and it’s not like it’s a permanent situation. I’m just…staying there until I figure out my next move.”
“Mhmmm,” Pam says. “That’s what they all say, and then nine months later you’re on an episode of Maury.”
“Mom, Maury isn’t even a thing anymore.”
Pam waves Abby off with a dismissal. “Jerry Springer, same thing.”
“Jerry, Jerry!” Zayne taunts in the background, and Abby smacks him again as the door opens.
I glance at the clock knowing it’s finally time to leave, though I can’t say I want to. Working at Pam’s is like a second home, and I’d be lying if I said I don’t miss it sometimes. But I also know I can’t loiter around here. I do need to get over to Freddie’s and at least talk to him—about staying with him and his brothers. Aboutus.
Tommy too.
I don’t want things to be weird, and while I know we aren’t technically dating—I know that things aren’t as black-and-white as they used to be where the Sterling brothers are concerned.
But I also know I’m not ready to deal with my ex’s three hot brothers just yet, so I head to the park, thinking some fresh air will help.
I didn’t exactly give Abby all the details, but after what happened last night—with Rush…
I still can’t believe we had sex. On Brett’s bed. The very same one where Brett and I slept, where I found him cheating on me.
Part of me feels vindicated at the thought. Vengeful fuck, indeed.
But the other part of me…feels like my soul’s been exposed in a whole new way.
The first time Rush and I kissed, we were drinking. And though I’dseenhis dick before from his response to my sext, it was another to see it in person. Which is so much better, by the way. The camera shot really didn’t do it justice.
But if I’m being honest, it was more than the sex.
It was the confession.
I hadn’t told anyone about what Brett did in detail. About how he lied to me. But telling Rush just felt…
It felt like a confession that needed to be told, and something told me Rush would keep that secret. Forme.Because it’s what Ideserve.
His words dance around in my head as I think about the depth of them. He didn’t speak like a play. It wasn’t about getting in my pants, at all.
No, Russell Sterling believed those words. Believed that I deserved more than Brett, or even him. But even though he felt so undeserving ofme, he promised me he would fight to be the man I deserved.
Brett never said anything like that, nor did he ever say anything with that intensity.
I could have stopped what was happening, and Rush gave me the chance to, but…something changed between us yesterday. Between his haircut and packing my luggage, his offer to help, talking…
I realized that the Rush everyone knows—the charismatic, vivid party boy—is not the Rush I’m starting to uncover. Like Freddie, there are layers I didn’t know existed. Tommy too.
These men, these three men who are so different, yet so perfect, and who bring out all these parts of me, have me feeling some sort of way I can’t even begin to describe.
Is it love? I don’t know.