Page 67 of Wanting More
For a few moments, Joel didn't say anything, above them, the sound of the water in the second bathroom came on, and they both stared at the ceiling.
Finally, Joel let out a gusty sigh. "No…I don't either. You're right." He nodded, staring down at his hands in his lap. "She's under my skin, man," he admitted, his voice barely a whisper. "Last night, in the back of my head, I kept telling myself it wasn't like that. But fuck, seeing her in here with you…I…I don't know," he groaned, flopping back onto the bed. "This kid is making me go crazy or something. I feel protective and shit all the time."
Yeah, more like jealousy, but Hayden couldn't say a damn thing because he knew he would have been the same way if he had caught them in Joel's bed instead. He settled on sticking to the facts and stood up, and looked back at him.
"But she's not a kid. Last night couldn't have been a more brutal reminder of that," he said, opening the door.
He heard Joel's grumbled reply as he turned to go into the bathroom. "Christ, I know."
Chapter twenty
Sapphirehadexpectedthereto be some awkward tension the next day, but she would never have expected their full-blown avoidance.
That morning she had been the first one to wake up. Sandwiched in between the two men that made the king-size bed feel like a full, Sapphire had scooted down the middle and quietly tiptoed out of the room, only dressed in her underwear. Vaguely she remembered being hot throughout the night and Joel, and maybe even Hayden, too, helping her take off her fleece pajamas. The thought warmed her even now.
Sleeping between them had been heaven. There was no other way to put it. The sublime heart-pounding feeling of being encased in their protection throughout the night had been something rare and precious. Never had she ever felt that before.
Back in Houston, her mother was more often gone than she was at home. Sleeping alone in an empty house was nothing new, and it was something she never got comfortable with. Waking up that morning, she realized there was something acutely different about sleeping through the night, knowing you were safe and sound. To know that from whatever her fears conjured from the creepy little sounds throughout the night that every house made that it would have to get past the two huge slabs of muscles sleeping on either side of her—felt right.
It was just too bad the same heavenly feeling of comfort didn't extend to them.
When they finally came down that afternoon, they looked worse for wear. There were unmistakable little shadows of exhaustion under their eyes. Did they not sleep well?! Her mind reeled as she tried to think of the reasons why they looked so tired. Maybe the bed had been too small? Maybe she had moved a lot during the night? Although she was positive, she didn't. All night she had been mindful of that, making sure not to stretch and hit them. So, what was it?
Maybe they just didn’t like sleeping with you.A voice in her head spoke. Self-doubt swirled in her mind, traveling down her spine until it wound around her heart.They just did it because they felt sorry for you. Clearly, you were begging for attention, just like your mom, and they pitied you. They would much rather have slept in the comfort of their own bed.
Embarrassed, Sapphire dropped her searching gaze from them as they crossed the café and walked through the door. She cringed as she thought of what they might be saying to each other right now, the looks of relief they no doubt shared when she left the room that morning.
Hours after their motorcycles blared down the road heading to the bar, Sapphire sat in one of the stuffed chairs in the dining area of the café. It was a few minutes till closing, and she didn't expect any more customers that day. The agonizing humiliation finally died down, replaced by familiar hard anger she hadn't had to feel in months. Like a shield, the walls of cold indifference settled around her, and Sapphire sat straight up in her seat.
She was not her mother. Last night—had been a moment of weakness, that was all. It would not happen again. For some reason, she had mistaken the looks in their eyes for something—more.
"Be honest with yourself," she grumbled, angrily pushing herself up from the seat. "You thought they wanted you." She thought there had been a heat of desire in their eyes. She was obviously sorely mistaken.
Sapphire had made a fool of herself, plain and simple. "It won't happen again," she vowed.
Walking over to the door, she considered just flipping the sign to close but hesitated. No, the nice man from the dry cleaners down the street might come by for a pair of teas for him and his wife like he did nearly every day. Instead, she went back behind the counter and started cleaning. Any and everything she furiously scrubbed until it sparkled as she focused her angry red thoughts.
"No more falling under their spells," she vowed to herself. "You're getting too attached, dammit."
After she graduated, she needed to leave just like she had planned. The brief shining dream of getting to stay on even after she graduated and attended university popped like a bubble under the summer sun. The back of her throat tightened with suppressed emotions. She had to focus on her future, not the dazzling sparks of a dream she knew could never be. A dream she never dared let herself fully dream.
By the time she was done sweeping and mopping the floor, it was time to close. Walking over to the door, she was beginning to flip the sign when she saw the figure hurrying down the street. Sapphire could see his worried expression as he got closer and opened the door.
The man's eyes lit up, washing away the disappointment when he saw her. "Ah, Miss Sapphire, have I come too late? Is there any way I could still get two teas?"
She smiled at him and nodded, holding the door open for him to enter. "No, you made it just in time," she lied. "Two chai teas coming up."
Ushah Khosa was a nice older man, probably in his late fifties, who ran the dry cleaners with his wife. With his dark almond skin and white hair, Sapphire always thought the shorter man looked so dashing, especially with his immaculate clothes. Joel had once said he hoped to dress just like the man when he got older, which had made both her and Hayden laugh out loud. The starched and creased khaki pants and the neat button-down shirt were not at all Joel's style and never would be.
Accepting the money, Sapphire placed both of the paper cups into a cardboard holder.
"Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Samira had told me an hour ago to make sure I get down here in time before you closed, but I had gotten busy with a few alteration orders, so…" He gave her a knowing little smile, and Sapphire couldn't help but laugh. "You know," he paused with his teas in hand. "If you guys started offering muffins or little desserts, I know my wife and I would love to have some with our afternoon teas. Just a thought, thanks again."
With the shop closed now, Sapphire stood at the window and watched the man as he made his way to the end of the street, letting his words play in her head. Maybe that was just what she needed, she thought. Maybe that could help her with her future plans. With the paycheck she got from the café, she had already saved almost three grand now. What if she sold small desserts on the side? The business already had all the needed permits, she knew. The little extra profit could really help. Sapphire texted Julie her idea. Excitement over the idea bubbled inside of her, helping to banish the thoughts of the guys completely.
They were just friends, that was all. Whatever she had thought she felt for them was just a fantasy. She had to focus on her future—on herself. Because herself was all, she ever had and ever will have to rely on.
"Are you sure everything is all right between you guys?" Finn asked as she passed her in the hall carrying two stacked cardboard boxes in her arms.
