Page 5 of Imperfections Forbidden
“I saw the baby and heard the heartbeat.”
I don’t turn around.“Why do you think I need to hear this?”
“I don’t want there to be any secrets between us.I need you to know everything so there are no misunderstandings.We took a paternity test.If this baby is mine, you need to know what’s happening from the beginning.I want you to be as much a part of my life as my child.”
“You’re saying it like you already know this is your baby.”
He takes one of my hands from around my waist and runs his thumb across the back of it.“I’m saying I want you in my life the way it was last night.The way it was waking up with you in my arms this morning.I’m willing to do whatever it takes.We can do this together, Cat.”
I shake my head and bite down on my lip hard.“You want me to be right there in the trenches with you when the grenades come raining down on the battlefield when my family finds out Kate’s pregnant with your baby and you and I have decided to bring our love to the frontline.”
“If that’s the way you want to think of it.”
I get up and turn away, then whip back around with my hand on my hips and blink my eyes at him.
“Listen, I’m no warrior princess.”
“Cat, what we feel for each other is worth fighting for.You can’t deny it after last night.”
“It’s a lot to deal with—and then to put it all out there for people to see?To be judged by family and friends, people we don’t even know?”
“How about this—we don’t have to tell anyone until you’re ready.It will be between us, for now, but not forever.When the time is right, we will let everyone know.I’ll be right there by your side, where I will always be.”
I put one hand over my forehead and close my eyes.“I’ll think about it.I need to go take a shower.”I turn to leave, but he wraps his hand around my upper arm.I don’t look directly at him.
“Cat?”
I turn back to him with a sad smile.“I’m fine, I’m fine… I need to take a shower.”He lets me go, but it’s clear he knows that nothing is fine.My perfect morning is officially ruined.I want to cry.
I close my eyes and holdmy face up to the steaming shower of water coming down on me.I want it to wash over me, cleaning away the doubt and fears I have.He wants us to be a couple, for me to be a part of his life with this baby, if it’s his.He already sounds like he’s claiming this child as his own.
I realize now, more than anything, I don’t want this child to be his.I don’t want to see him and Kate bonding over their baby.He might think it’s not going to happen, but it is.How could it not?They are going to be connected by this child forever.The thought of him touching her makes me sick!
I run my hands back through my hair, jumping when I feel something hard brush against my back.
Nick
Isit on the bed,run my hand through my hair, and listen to the shower run.That was harder than I thought—to see her face when what I was saying without directly saying it registered.She didn’t even want to look at me.
I open the door to the bathroom and see her through the shower door with her back to me.She doesn’t hear me come in.She looks so small, like she’s a teenager again.Like the first time I realized she wasn’t a little girl anymore.I love the feel of her skin underneath my hands.The way it feels against my tongue, soft and warm.I hate I’m the one hurting her.I want to hold her in my arms and tell her I can make it all go away, but I can’t.
I strip my clothes off and climb into the shower behind her.She jumps when her back presses up against me.I put my hands around her to let her know I have her.She’s safe with me.
I feel her body relax against me.Her skin feels good against mine.I want her, and my body wants her.I can’t help it.My body instantly reacts when I’m near her, but I didn’t come in here for that.Standing against me, her head comes to my chest.I tower over her, watching the water run down the soft curves of her body.I wish she were the one carrying my child.
“Can I hold you?I just want to hold you,” I say softly against the water beating down on us.
We stand like this for a long time.We don’t need words when we’re in each other’s arms.The sound of my phone breaks through the calm and the soothing sound of the running water.
Fuck.“Babe, I have to get that.I’m waiting for an important call from a client.”I let out a deep breath.Cat turns around in my arms and looks up at me, her breasts brush my chest; the feel of her body against mine has been driving me crazy.I don’t know how much longer I could have lasted.I grind my teeth as I look down at her beautiful face, glistening wet.
“Go ahead, I’m fine.I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Can I give you a kiss?”
She reaches up on her tiptoes, and I meet her halfway.
“I said I would takethe case.I’m not going to go back on my word.I’m not my father.I always repay my debts.After this we’re finished.”
