Page 9 of Emma
Emma leaned in and kissed Vanessa slowly. “It feels like this. Being here together…still going strong.”
“Do you…” Vanessa paused and shook her head. “Do you still think I’m beautiful?”
Emma looked back at her with tears in her eyes. She didn’t once dip her gaze to what Vanessa had lost, no…the look she was giving Vanessa was one of admiration. For her strength anddetermination throughout all of this, even when some days she couldn’t function. “I never stopped. Not for a single moment.”
Vanessa touched her forehead to Emma’s and closed her eyes. Just the whisper of breath against her lips was enough to ground Vanessa. These moments always would. She held onto Emma’s open hoodie and inhaled a deep breath. “I’m so in love with you, Emma.”
“I know, babe.” Emma placed a palm on Vanessa’s chest. “I’m so in love with you, too.”
“I still find it hard to believe you stayed at times. When everything fell apart, you held strong and carried me.” Vanessa sniffled but smiled. “I’ll never forget that. No matter what, I’ll never forget just how amazing you were during my recovery.”
“Sometimes we have to go through the shit to come out of it and have this at the end.” Emma lifted a hand and brushed a tear from Vanessa’s cheek with her knuckles. “I could stay here with you forever.”
“Then we should come back. Every year. To celebrate what we have.” Vanessa’s voice broke just a little. “To celebrate us.”
Emma’s bright smile made Vanessa’s heart flutter. “Maybe we could buy our own cottage. Perhaps even open a gorgeous cafe that sells good coffee and delicious pastries.”
“And amazing scones.”
Emma nodded slowly. “Now you’re talking.”
“But the truth is,” Vanessa spoke low as she gazed into Emma’s eyes. No woman in this world could ever make her feel the things Emma made her feel. “I don’t care where we are or what we’re doing. So long as I wake up beside you every morning and we climb into bed with one another and discuss our day every night, then I’m the happiest woman in the world.”
“We don’t need much, do we?”
Vanessa kissed the tip of her wife’s nose and smiled. “Our love will always be overflowing. How could we ever need anything more?”
“I was determined not to get emotional while we’re here.” Emma sniffled and shook her head lightly. “You’ve just set me up for complete failure.”
“Don’t worry.” Vanessa nipped at Emma’s bottom lip as she leaned back in and whispered, “I’ll make it up to you later…naked.”
CHAPTER FOUR
Emma woke to an empty bed,her hand instinctively reaching for a body heat that was no longer present. The chill of the sheets beside her was somewhat worrying; Vanessa had clearly been up for some time now. She blinked as the early morning light filtered in through the thin curtains, her senses straining for any hint of a presence outside of the room. No rustle of movement, no soft clearing of a throat…just silence.
With a sigh, she pushed herself upright and leaned back, the headboard cool against her back. A yawn slipped out as she dragged her fingers through her hair. Vanessa wasalwaysthe one to sleep in lately. Ever since Emma had gotten into her early morning running routine, those roles had reversed. She was used to waking Vanessa with coffee these days, not the other way around. That fact that her wife was already up unsettled her in a way she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Something was off.
Maybe last night was too much for her…
Emma squeezed her eyes shut as that thought pressed down on her chest. This little getaway to the secluded lakeside cottage was supposed to be good for them. Maybe even healing and comforting without intending to be. The idea that she may have unknowingly stirred up pain made her heart hurt. It hadonly been a year since Vanessa’s mastectomy. The scars may have started to fade, but Emma knew better than to think the emotional wounds would heal at the same pace.
Sliding to the edge of the bed, Emma reached for the hoodie neatly folded on the nearby chair. It smelled faintly of Vanessa’s perfume—her wife had been wrapped around her for the duration of last night—so she tugged it over her head, anchoring herself the moment the weight of it covered her. If she needed to apologise, she would. Still, she hoped this wouldn’t cast a shadow over them or hinder any progress they’d made both togetherandapart. Vanessa had come so far with therapy, and Emma couldn’t bear the thought of being the reason for a step backward.
With her pulse quickening, Emma crept out of the bedroom, the old wooden floor beginning to warm beneath her feet. Partly because of the sun streaming through the windows out in the main room, but also just because that’s how Emma felt here. Warm and cared for. She scanned the space, but there was no sign of Vanessa.
But then, through the patio windows, Vanessa sat on the terrace furniture, her knees tucked to her chest, wrapped in Emma’s ultra-heavy hoodie that made her wife seem tiny. Relief washed over Emma, stealing her breath for a moment, so she paused. Just…watched. It was all she could afford herself in this moment. She would spend all of eternity watching the simple moments if she could.
She tapped gently on the window, a soft smile tugging at her lips when Vanessa turned. Emma mouthed ‘coffee?’ and grinned as her wife nodded. The smell of brewed coffee greeted her as she moved into the kitchen, and on her usual autopilot, she poured two cups, adding a dash of milk to Vanessa’s just the way she liked it. When she returned, she nudged the door open withher foot and stepped outside into the crisp air. “Mornin’, babe. You’re up early.”
“I wanted to experience this.” Vanessa took a cup from her with a small smile, scooting over on the rattan couch to make room. “Listen. There’s not a sound.”
Emma lowered herself beside Vanessa, soothed by the view as she relaxed into the moment. Vanessa was right. Other than birdsong in the distance, nothing else could be heard. Being here almost felt secretive. “When I woke up and came out here,” Emma said quietly. “You looked so cute sitting alone just enjoying the peace and quiet.”
“It gives me time to think. Time to feel, you know?”
Emma knew all too well. She’d spent countless mornings like this, sitting alone in their own garden while Vanessa recovered and came to terms with her new life…and body. Only as time went on—initially, at least—each silent morning seemed to stretch on longer and feel heavier with the fear of not being able to fix everything. “Whatever works for you, babe.”
“I…don’t miss them.” Vanessa’s gaze held firm on the lake as her fingers curled tighter around her cup of coffee. “I thought I would. I thought I’d never be able to come to terms with my decision, not deep down, but I don’t miss them at all.”
