Page 51 of Emma
Her throat.
Her entire body.
That day in the office when Freya had looked up at her and said,“It makes us sisters.”That had been the most powerful moment of Emma’s life. The pure certainty in Freya’s voice. Theway Emma had felt something click into place inside her, as though her heart had finally remembered what it was missing.
Now it all felt like a lie or a cruel joke.
“I’m not enough,” Emma whispered. “Not for her. Not for anyone.”
She didn’t hear Vanessa enter the room, but she felt her presence when the cushion beside her dipped. Her wife didn’t speak, just pulled Emma against her and held her. In that moment, it was all Emma needed. The one woman who would always have her back. The only woman to ever really love her.
Emma buried her face in Vanessa’s hoodie as she said, “I can’t stop thinking about her.”
“I know.”
“I keep wondering what must be going through her mind. Does she think I don’t want her in my life? Does she wonder if I wanted to give her away when she was smaller, too? Does she wish someone would just show up and stay?”
“Oh, Emma.” Vanessa held Emma tighter as her own voice broke. “We’ll work through this. You know we will. We’re best when we’re a team…and tomorrow is a new day. Who knows where it’ll lead.”
Emma lifted her head. “Do you think she’ll forget me?”
Vanessa cupped Emma’s face. “No. She won’t.”
“But what if Carmen never tells her what I said? What if she paints me as something I’m not?”
Vanessa didn’t answer, but Emma knew why.
Because she couldn’t promise otherwise.
“I want to send her something,” Emma whispered. “Even if she never sees it. I want her to know I was here. That Iwantedher. That I didn’t walk away because I didn’t care. I walked away because I had no choice.”
“Then write it down,” Vanessa said gently. “Everything you’d say to her if you could. All of it.”
Emma let out another sob, nodding as she melted into Vanessa’s arms again. She cried for the moments and the memories she’d lost, she cried for the sister she’d only just found but would never truly know, and for the future she’d allowed herself to imagine…and now had to let go.
But if that one day came in the future, the day when Freya was old enough to make her own decisions, Emma would be waiting.
She wouldalwayswait for a chance to be the person Freya deserved in her life.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Just focus.
Emma sat at the dining table, working her way through mock exams her Year 9 students had taken earlier today. She hadn’t been present in that class, so thankfully she hadn’t needed toactuallyteach, but she was determined to finish her marking before Vanessa got home from detention duties in the next twenty minutes.
She glared at her untouched cup of coffee. The steam had faded some time ago now, the cold cup sitting beside her mobile phone looking as useless as Emma had felt since yesterday. Everything just seemed like a waste of time. Her job…because what was the point in leading the kids of the future if she couldn’t see her own flesh and blood? Her marriage…because what could she possibly offer to Vanessa if she felt so low? Her life…because it meant nothing if Freya was walking around in the world without a connection to Emma.
Everything was pointless now.
Her phone started to vibrate on the table, buzzing against the wood incessantly. Emma reached for it, but she didn’t recognise the number calling her.
“Hello?”
“Hi, is this Emma Bradley?”
“I…it’s Emma Hughes, but yes. Speaking.”
“Hi Emma, my name is Nia Spencer. I’m the social worker currently assigned to Freya Fields. Ellie Hamilton passed along your number with your permission.”
