Page 50 of Emma
“Are you?” Carmen visibly swallowed. “Because from where I’m sitting, you’re inserting yourself into my family’s life, and I don’t like it.”
Just as Emma had thought, this wasn’t going to go her way. She wanted to get to her knees and beg Carmen to give her a chance, but what right did she have? Her own mother had fucked that chance for her the day Freya was born. “Then…I guess that’s it.” Emma’s bottom lip trembled, but she wouldn’t give this stranger the satisfaction of seeing her upset. She took it between her teeth and nodded slowly. “I’m sorry you feel threatened by the fact that I exist, but I’ll speak to the head as soon as possible and once again offer the idea of leaving my position at the school.”
“You’ll do no such thing.” Vanessa rose to her feet and moved towards the living room door. “I think it’s time for you to leave, Carmen.”
“Excuse me?”
“You’re claiming Emma is inserting herself into your family and sneaking around behind your back, yet you somehow managed to obtain our address and show up here, likely without the social worker knowing that.”
Carmen’s face paled. While Emma didn’t want it to be this way, she was impressed by Vanessa’s support. God, her wife was incredible.
“She’s not trying to replace anyone. She’s trying to navigate something incredibly difficult to deal with. While I understand you’re also doing the same, I won’t have you coming into our home and throwing around entirely baseless accusations.” Vanessa strode out into the hallway and opened the front door. “If you want to speak with Emma again, you’ll do it through official channels. My wife has enough to deal with without you showing up here unannouncedanduninvited.”
Carmen gripped the strap of her handbag tight and stood up. She squared her shoulders, aware that she’d won the battle, and cleared her throat. “I guess I’ll see you at the meeting then.”
Emma shook her head lightly. “I’ll tell them the meeting won’t be necessary. It’s quite clear that you’re not on board with this, and I don’t want it to affect Freya in any way at all. If she senses that you don’t want me around, it’s only going to make things difficult for her.” Emma got to her feet and shoved her hands in the middle pocket of her hoodie. “But would you do something for me?”
Carmen frowned. “What?”
“Would you please tell her I’m sorry.” Emma had so many apologies to make when it came to Freya, but it seemed she wouldn’t get that chance. “For not being there and for not helping her when she needed it. But mostly for being just another disappointment in her life.”
Carmen turned away from Emma and left the house without another word.
She stood frozen in place, her heart hammering in her chest, tears brimming in her eyes. When the lock on the door clicked and the silence settled over her, Emma felt her knees giving out. Whatever had been holding her up, whatever hope she’d clung onto…it had just been obliterated.
Vanessa stepped into the living room with tears in her eyes, rushing to Emma before she fell to the floor. She held her up,guided her to the couch, and carefully lowered Emma into a seat. “Baby, I’m sorry.”
“I just…” Tears streamed down Emma’s face. “I just wanted to be her sister.”
“No matter what,” Vanessa whispered against Emma’s temple, one hand cradling her cheek. “You’llalwaysbe her sister.”
“But it’s not enough, is it? Unless I’m there and present, she’ll forget I exist.” Emma scoffed as she squeezed her eyes shut. “But I was always invisible to my family, so I don’t know why I care. I don’t know why I even bothered to try and reason with Carmen. They see me…they know I’m here…but I’m never good enough. I don’t know how to change that.”
“You’re perfect the way you are, Emma. You’ll always be perfect.”
“I’m useless…and I always will be.”
The house wasdark except for the faint glow from the lamp in the corner of the living room. Emma sat curled up on the couch, her knees drawn to her chest, wrapped in one of Vanessa’s oversized jumpers. The sleeves swallowed her hands, which was just as well since she was tired of seeing them shaking in her lap. Her phone was beside her, silenced and face down. She hadn’t touched it since Carmen had walked out the door some two hours ago.
The air still felt thick with Carmen’s presence, almost as though she’d left something behind. Because she had. She’d left behind a heaviness and a rejection that Emma hadn’t prepared for, not really. Not in the way it had hit her from the momentCarmen had left, or how it felt as she sat alone with her thoughts and the ache in her chest.
She rose to her feet and stared out of the window onto the dark street, but the view blurred through her tears. Her reflection stared back at her faintly in the glass, her eyes swollen and her mouth trembling, a grief she couldn’t seem to contain visible on her face.
Why wasn’t it enough?
All she’d done was tell the truth. All she wanted was a chance to know her sister. She hadn’t asked to be let in without question. She hadn’t claimed any rights. She hadn’t tried to take Freya away or make things messy. But none of that mattered. Carmen hadn’t looked at her like a sister trying to reach out. She’d looked at her like a threat.
Emma wiped at her face, the sting in her eyes nothing compared to the pain in her gut. “I should have known,” she whispered into the silence. “I should have known it would end like this.” She’d offered her heart, and she’d offered to be someone to Freya, but Carmen had taken one look at Emma and decided that it wasn’t going to happen.
Tell her I’m sorry.
That was the last thing she’d said, and even that felt pathetic now. Would Carmen pass it on? Would Freya even care? Or would she feel abandoned all over again?
Emma returned to her seat and pressed her forehead to her knees, squeezing her eyes shut against the tears still slipping out.
Everythinghurt.
Her chest.
