Page 45 of Show Me How to Heal
“Yeah… I… I think it’s kinda stupid, but I really don’t like social media. I personally don’t use it at all.” Not anymore. And even before, it’d been kind of an annoying duty. Something that had been expected. I’d even had a professional help me out, and I hadn’t managed my public profile myself. Technically I still had a private one that was in no way or shape connected to my real name, but I hadn’t posted anything since the accident. I mean, what should I have posted on Instagram?Hi, I’m in the hospital again. This time the blankets are not striped, they’re just hospital-green?Yeah… that was a dead sure way to depress everyone.
“So I can save the time trying to find you online?” Zayne teased me, a smirk forming on his lips. “That’s a shame. I was hoping you had a ton of thirst traps.”
I tried to laugh it off, but my insides clenched. “You haven’t tried finding me, yet?” I carefully asked, trying not to show my anxiety. I’d been pretty sure he hadn’t searched for me online, but then again, Mason had known who I was from the beginning, and up until the last meeting, he hadn’t told me anything, and he hadn’t treated me like I was special.
Maybe it’d be better if Zayne knew.
My stomach revolted.
No. I didn’t want him to know. It was fucked up, but I preferred being Luke with him.JustLuke. Not Lukas Richter, ex-football-player. Soccer. Whatever.
“Actually, no.” He shrugged. “I already spend so much time on social media for work that I’m rarely using it for fun. And I know looking possible employees up is just a lawsuit waiting to happen.”
Snorting, I shook my head. “You offered me the job.”
“Yeah… Probably should have done a background check. But I trust you.” He smiled at me. “You’re a good guy.”
I was going to hell.
Zayne was going to hate me if he ever found out. He’d have to find out.
I briefly closed my eyes, trying to push the panic clawing at my insides down.
What had I done?
What was I doing?
“Hey.” Zayne cupped my cheeks. His hands were warm and soft, and the skin contact sent little shivers through my body. Upon opening my eyes, I found him looking me right in the eyes, his dark brown orbs full of compassion. “You really need to learn how to take a compliment.”
A nervous laughter bubbled out of me, relief flooding my system. He didn’t suspect anything.
“Anyways,” Zayne said, “Corey, Avery, and the others want to meet me at The Bar to celebrate. Do you want to come?”
I shook my head before I even thought about it. “Sorry,” I said, nodding toward my knee. “I’m beat. I’m gonna drive home and fall straight into bed.”
Another lie.
I would go home and call Moritz, let him shout at me for being a dumbass, and then I’d fall into bed.
“Oh.” Zayne’s bottom lip quivered for a second, disappointment weighing down his shoulders. “Okay. You didn’t overdo it today, did you?”
“No, I’m fine. Just not used to working anymore.” That wasn’t even a lie. I grabbed my crutches and got up from my stool, heading for the back in order to get my stuff before I let Zayne’s disappointment get to me, and I ended up going to The Bar after all.
Besides, I still had his present in my bag.
I heard Zayne’s footsteps following right behind me. Though the fall of his feet was soft, his steps still sounded loud in the quiet room — though he was a lot more quiet than me.
I walked over toward the lockers Zayne had installed, leaned the crutches against the wall next to them, and opened my locker, pulling my messenger bag and my jacket out.
My heart was still going too fast, my stomach tying itself into knots. The realization I’d have to come clean one day was crushing me. I didn’t want to. But I also didn’t want to lie to Zayne. I was pretty sure I was already half in love with him. How could I be in a relationship with someone while constantly lying?
I couldn’t.
Fuck.
I needed to get home. I needed to think about this. Hard.
And I needed my twin.
