Page 19 of All This Love
The next day, I rounded the corner after coming out of the bathroom at work, and I saw Ivan and some woman being directed to pedicure chairs. My blood began to boil immediately. He had some nerve. Ivan walked around Golden Waters like my child didn’t even exist, but he was out with a woman on a pedicure date. I needed my job, and that was the only reason I didn’t walk over to him and act an ass. He already wasn’t helping me out financially. I’d be doing myself a disservice if I lost my job behind him.
That didn’t stop me from being pissed. Until he looked at me. When Ivan’s gaze landed on my face, the color drained from his, and he looked as if he’d seen a ghost. It dawned on me that he may have been wondering if I knew his little secret, and that made me giggle. The anger literally melted off me as I placed my fist in front of my mouth and laughed lowly to myself. Of course, I wasn’t going to tell him that Onyx told me what was up, but I’d for sure play mind games with his ignorant ass and let him sweat.
I took real offense to the way Ivan did my baby. I didn’t want her growing up with a dead-beat father, but I also had to take responsibility for the part I played in having a child by a man that I barely knew. I didn’t have a client scheduled, so I sat at my station and waited for a walk-in. My phone vibrated in my pocket. Since I didn’t have a client, I pulled the device out and unlocked it. The notification I’d received was a flyer from Angel’s daycare. In three weeks, they were having a daddy and me breakfast day. I zeroed in on the date because I knew more than likely if anyone showed up for her, it would be my father.
My blood which had just simmered down began to boil again as the realization that the man that actually helped to create her was sitting a few feet away from me, and I couldn’t even ask him to attend the breakfast with his daughter because he was a sorry sack of shit. Standing up, I went outside to cool off and call my father. He had officially retired from his job as a welder, but he worked for himself driving dump trucks, so he made his own schedule.
“How you doing today Baby Girl?” he answered the phone in a tone that made me smile. There were truly men that seemed to excel at fatherhood without even trying. Then there were men like Ivan that were a complete waste of space.
“I’m doing okay, daddy. How about you?”
“As good as good can be.”
“I’m glad to hear that. Angel’s daycare is having a breakfast on the fifteenth, and it’s for kids and their fathers. Would you be able to make it?”
“The fifteenth of next month? I have a colonoscopy scheduled for that morning. They told me I’ll be there around three hours or so, and then I can’t drive myself home because they’re going to sedate me. I can call and see if I can reschedule it.”
My heart sank. He was ready to do what he had to do to show up for my child when her own father wouldn’t. That was a good thing, but it still made me sad. “No. I remember ma saying how hard it was to get you an appointment that wasn’t months out. Go to your appointment. Thank you for being willing to change it.”
“You don’t have to thank me for that.”
I talked to my father for a few more minutes before we ended the call. The temperature outside was perfect. There was just enough breeze blowing for it not to be uncomfortably hot out. It was a perfect fall day. I decided to stand outside in the fresh airfor a bit, so I wouldn’t have to be in the same space as Ivan’s trifling ass. If I was a different kind of person, I’d wait for him and his latest conquest to come out, and I’d ask her if she knew he was on the DL. Aside from watching him panic, it would be a waste of time. Most women were so stupid when it came to men and wore big enough blinders that I’d just come off like a bitter baby mama while he denied the claims.
I didn’t have the energy or the desire to go back and forth about who someone was sleeping with. There were too many diseases floating around whether a person was straight or gay. Sleeping around was dangerous, period. But I felt a woman had the right to know if a man went both ways. Ten minutes later, I decided to go back inside the shop. Gaze straight ahead I pretended that Ivan wasn’t even in the room. I prayed that my daughter wouldn’t grow up with daddy issues but as far as I was concerned, I was done with Ivan, and he couldn’t have anything else to do with my child.
ten
onyx
“Your food good?”I asked looking over at Tatum. There was a solemn expression on her face. Whenever I said something to her, she tried to smile and pretend like everything was okay, but I could tell that it wasn’t.
“Yes. It’s delicious actually.” She peeled a shrimp with her gloved hand.
“Okay, so what’s good? I know I still might be in the doghouse, but you’ve been acting like we’re at least cool. Talk to me.”
It had been a week since our date at the Italian restaurant. It was my first time seeing her, but we spoke on the phone every day.
Tatum sipped her strawberry lemonade. “I’m just trying to figure out how to deal with a situation. In two weeks, they’re having a breakfast at Angel’s daycare where dads can come eat with their kids. Normally, my father would go, but he has a doctor’s appointment that day. I just don’t want her to be asking where her father is and be sad that he’s not there. She doesn’t even really be thinking about Ivan for real, but I know when she sees all the other fathers, she’ll want hers there.”
“That’s understandable.” Shaking my head, I picked up my glass of strawberry lemonade. “That fuck nigga should be there.”
“Yeah, well I’m not even asking him. How about the same day I found out about the breakfast, he came in the shop with some woman. They had the nerve to be getting pedicures, and he paid for them. The man didn’t speak to me. He didn’t ask me how she was doing. He didn’t even offer me $10.”
Kissing my teeth, I once again shook my head. “In a second, I’m going to start regretting the fact that I gave him a pass. Sucka ass nigga.” I growled.
“I couldn’t care less if he falls off of a cliff. I just don’t want her to grow up with issues and questions. Taking care of her alone financially isn’t easy, but if I really need help, thank God I have my parents. He’s a poor excuse for a man though. I swear.”
Tatum hadn’t even had sex with me again, and I wasn’t pressed for it. Sure, I wanted it, but I could wait. I felt like we were moving in the right direction and still, I hesitated to say what was on my mind.
“You look like you want to say something.” She bit the boiled egg she picked out of her seafood bag.
“I don’t want to overstep. I just got my foot back in the door. I don’t even think both are all the way in.”
Tatum chuckled. “You’re going to say I should put him on child support? Make him sign over his rights? I’ve heard it all.”
“No. I was going to say that I don’t have any intentions on going anywhere and when you’re ready, if you’re ever ready, I want to meet her. I want her to hang out with us and watch me open car doors and doors for both of you. Show her how a man treats a woman that he cares about. I’d never try to be her father. I just want to show her a positive male figure. And I understand how serious meeting your child is. I wouldn’t even suggest it if I wasn’t confident that I’m not going to do anything to mess this up.”
Tatum smirked. “That’s real confident. I’m not sure what to say about that one. You’ve been doing good so far, but it hasn’t even been that long.”
