Page 57 of Odin
“We’re with men that the rest of the world had pretty much written off.” Tarynn hovers behind Ella. I have to keep my face still, but I can still look at her when she’s standing there. “Some of them gave up all hope of ever having a partner romantically. Love was the last thing on their minds, and it was a hard and long road for some of us, but we’re all here. We’ve fallen in love and grown in that love in every different way possible. We’ve got you. We see you. We support you as women loving on women. That’s what we mean by sisterhood. No jealousy. No cattiness. No competing with each other. No judgment. That’s the kind of place the club is, and that’s the kind of family we want to be. Are we perfect? Fuck no. Do we fall short sometimes? Yes. But we do our best.”
“We do our best to be besties.” Willa’s light voice and her lovely laugh cut through the room, dispelling any lingering gloominess I have about my mom’s response.
I have to let it go. Sure, it might bother me, but I can’t let it ruin this day or any of the others that follow.
“I’m not going to cry again, I promise.” Especially not now that Ella is doing such an incredible job with my makeup.
“Take all the time you need.” Lark passes more product, eyeliner and mascara this time. “It’s a biker clubhouse on a Friday evening. What’s a schedule?”
“I don’t want to make Odin wait. He might think I’ve got cold feet.”
“The guys have him, don’t worry. He knows you’re in here with us and it’s not like you’ve booked a time slot at the courthouse. So, yeah. No hurry. No rush. No pressure.”
It’s comforting that the men do have Odin, and all these women have all of us. They each played a special role in making today happen. Lark and Ella looked after the catering, getting the meat and arranging for extra grills to be brought to the clubhouse. Tarynn did my hair, Willa made a gift of a gorgeous set of antique wedding rings. She brought a huge tray of jewelry over to the apartment one evening and let us pick the ones we wanted. Odin kept trying to get her to accept money for them, but she refused every time. Lynette helped us out with all the legal documents, and she’s already promised to get me on the club’s benefits, ASAP.
If it wasn’t for these women, this day wouldn’t have happened as quickly as it did. They’ve gone out of their way to make it special, and to make me feel as though I’ve been here for years, a part of this found family.
I take a deep, shuddering breath and dab at the corners of my eyes. “I’ve got this. I’m okay.”
“Yes, you do,” Tarynn encourages, and again, a round of agreement echoes through the room.
“And you will be, no matter what. We promise.”
Each woman nods. Ella takes a break and every single one of my newfound sisters piles on the bed with me and surround me with hugs, whispering words of encouragement and love, andjust…this.
This is what I waited my whole life for without ever knowing it. I couldn’t know it. I couldn’t even dream of this before I had it. I do now, and I find myself closing my eyes and thinking about my dad. About the parts of us that will always be connected. I don’t know what’s out there or how it all works, but I do know that you can’t affect one particle without changing the other. It’s because I’m so changed that I know he’s changed too. I believe in that, even though it blows my mind.
When I open my eyes, I feel more centered. I feel… ready. I really do have this.
“When you’re done with my makeup, I’m really excited to get out there and get married to one of the best souls I have ever known. It’s fast, but it’ll last, and I stand by that.”
Ella kneels on the floor again, ready to finish making me look like the queen these women have me believing that I am. “We like to use the term ride or die. You might not be ready for that, but one day, hopefully you will be.”
I realize how fitting that term is. I hope that’s what Odin and I will be for each other.
Chapter 19
Odin
Ever have one of those moments of sheer disbelief where you wonder how you got here and how on earth you got to be so damn lucky and blessed?
I’m having one of those moments now, face to face with the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, holding tightly to her hands after we just slipped Willa’s gifted antique rings onto each other’s fingers. That wide gold band sits just above my heartline. I just made very real vows that I intend to keep to the best of my ability. This all started as a contracted idea, but it feels a hell of a lot more like the start of a forever moment.
At one time, I was so close to sinking into a life of crime and violence. That path of daily destruction was the only thing I knew. Life was something to be endured, more of a cage than a treasure. I’d known the same patterns of pain and neglect since I was a child and I had no idea how to break free of them.
So, it’s even harder to believe that I’m standing here right now, my hand in another’s, her grasping so tightly to me, as though she wants to hold on forever. Willow was the last person I ever expected, and I sure as fuck didn’t see my life going the way of a wedding and fatherhood, but I’m so grateful to whatever is out there, even if it’s just the force of our own choices, or some freaky physics like she explained to me.
Preacher finishes whatever he’s been saying that I tuned straight out of after slipping that ring onto Willow’s finger.It was impossible to pay attention when I was lost to everything except her, but Preacher’s words and the throaty cheers from all the men and women gathered around us, bring me right back.
I know the final words of wedding vows. Even though I don’t hear him say it, since I’m still spaced out and my ears are ringing. I don’t see him mouth the words because I’m looking straight forward, seeing only a woman more exquisite than any dream could have prepared me for. I still know that we were just pronounced husband and wife and were instructed to kiss. That’s what all the cheers are about. People want to see us seal the deal.
Except… I’m frozen.
My muscles are locked up, not in a painful way. It’s the nerves paralyzing me, I guess, or the shock. In a good way.
I don’t feel the wetness on my cheek until Willow raises her hand, gold ring flashing in the fluorescent lighting overhead, and brushes a tear away. She curls her fingers around it, holding it like it’s a treasure. I could drown in her eyes. They’re so soft. So blue. Like the sky in the morning. I want to sink into her. Get lost in her.
Mywife.
