Page 56 of Odin
“Oh. No. What’s wrong? Are you going to throw up again?” Tarynn yelps. She grabs my elbow while Lark thrusts a small trashcan into my hands.
“No. I’m sorry. I- I’m so happy that all of you are here with me.” Breathing is a must. In and out, nice and slow. “You’ve accepted me so readily and that’s made everything else easier to bear.”
Tarynn eases the trashcan away from me and sets it down on the floor beside the foot of the bed. She plops down right beside me and rubs small circles on my back. “But it’s not easy.”
“It’s not. I called my mom twelve days ago, when we set the date. I needed to tell her something. I didn’t want to because things aren’t good between us, but I felt it was the right thing to do. I told her everything. Where I was, that she was going to be a grandmother, that I was getting married and who itwas to. She lost it.” Oh my god, I didn’t realize I was going to say any of that.
Of course, I told Odin that I was going to call her, and he was right in the other room when I did. He held me in the aftermath, letting me bawl in his arms.
“That’s um… wow. Incredibly hypocritical.” Lark mutters.
A murmur of agreement ripples through the room.
“She said some terrible things.” Ella snatches up a few tissues from a box on the dresser and presses them into my hand. I clutch them tightly, my sweaty palms balling them up beyond use. “That I was ungrateful, that I was brainless for acting like a child and taking my revenge this way. She accused me of getting pregnant on purpose just to spite Preston, but it was just going to backfire because Preston doesn’t care.”
The wadded up tissues become a nice little stress ball that I clench my fingers around. “He barely knows his father and it doesn’t matter what he thinks about him. She said if I was going to carry on like this, she might as well come out and tell me that the affair with Preston wasn’t a one-time thing. and it wasn’t over. Maybe she’d marry him and we’d be one unhappy, fucked up family.”
“Oh my god!” Ella kneels down in front of me, still holding those makeup brushes.
At this rate, it’s going to be one in the morning before I end up making it out there to get married. At least the JP is Preacher. He used to be a legit pastor back before joining the club, and I guess he’s still ordained to do weddings.
“Damn,” Willa curses. She mutters a few other scathing words under her breath. “Literally the epitome of who needs enemies when you have friends like that, but it’s worse because she’s your mom.”
“It’s the worst because I’ve always taken care of her.” I’m doubling down on blurting things out. I know that these women are safe. This room is safe. The clubhouse is safe. “It was me working after my dad died. It was me forcing her into the lawyers’ offices and explaining everything about the company to her. It was me who tried to reach out to other family, and while they were sympathetic, they didn’t offer much help. I’ve never felt so alone, for years and years.”
“People get angry when women have standards, when they stick up for themselves, and when they use their brain,” Ella says. “A lot of people just take the disrespect, and take it and take it, or they believe that they’re the problem. They live with being gaslit like that for years. I’m so sorry that your own mom is trying to twist this around and make you believe that you’re not worth being treated like an absolute queen.”
“Maybe part of me understands. She’s been like a zombie since my dad died. She’s been so bitter. Not about losing what we had, but about him being taken. I don’t think she’ll ever go back to the mother she was, although even back then, it was mostly me and my dad. She was never that maternal, but I knew she loved me back then. She was never mean and horrible, and she never would have done something like sleep with my fiancé to hurt me, even if she believed she was keeping our family together with her sacrifice or something. I don’t even know. She never said that and I’m not even sure she implied it. I’m trying to find a reason where this is none.”
“That’s right. Sometimes people are just awful. There’s no reason and no justifying it because it shouldn’t be justified.” Hayley has been pretty quiet this whole time, but when she speaks, it’s with absolute conviction.
“It makes it a thousand times better that you’re marrying a good man. There is real affection between you. Anyone can see that. I know you might not have put a ring on it so soon if you weren’t pregnant, but that doesn’t mean that what you feel is fake,” Lark points out.
It makes me feel ten thousand times better than she sees the spark between us. The rest of the women nod in affirmation.
“I know you’ll take care of Odin and he’ll be there for you. I think that’s the best definition of a soulmate—romantic or otherwise. A real soulmate isn’t just stumbled onto. Your heart might recognize another person in a crowd full of strangers, and you’re not even sure why, but I believe that soulmates grow with time and fuck anyone who says otherwise,” Bronte says.
“Bronte never swears,” Ginny points out. “So you know that she doubly means it when she does.”
“It’s so painful losing contact with your parents,” Tarynn whispers roughly. “I know that firsthand. We can’t replace anyone, and we’re not here to try, but we arehere. In every way.” I take her hand in the one I’m not clinging to a nasty, lumpy ball with.
“Thank you,” I tell her, but raise my head and nod at the rest of the women, extending my gratitude silently to all of them.
The kindness and the swell of belonging triggers another stinging round of tears. This time, I can’t blink them back and I have to scrape the tissue wad over my cheeks and hold it against the corners of my eyes.
“Jeez. I’m sorry.”
“Hey. Cry all you want.” Tarynn leaps up. “We’ll get you a cold cloth and we’ll fix you right up. Not just with makeup, but with hugs and good company, and all our best wishes.”
“I’m not going to say fuck ‘em because it’s your mom and Odin’s son, but in my opinion, they’re acting like spoiled imbeciles, and that’s on them. Boundaries are important, and sometimes people do need to be cut out of our lives, even if it’s only temporary.” After I get the cold cloth and wipe my face, Ella immediately mists some primer onto my face. “This will provide a good base for everything to stick to.”
“It would be better to have their blessing, but I was prepared not to.” The admission stings. It sucks preparing yourself for the worst and being proven correct in doing so. “I’m too much of a realist to think that they’d ever be able to understand. It’s too soon. Maybe it will always be too soon.”
“Where you started is not where you’re at today,” Ella says as she applies some foundation to a sponge and applies it to my face, dabbing gently. “Some of us grow up young, and some of us age more in a day than in years because we have to. I can’t promise it will all be okay and that it will all work out, but you have us. Whenever you need us.”
“Most of us have lived pretty crazy pasts, so you can tell us pretty much anything and we won’t be shocked,” Lark says. She gathers up the contour, concealer, and blush, passingthem all to Ella. “That’s just a by the way I’m going to insert in there.”
“I just don’t want anyone to feel that this isn’t… that I’m trying to take advantage of anyone. I don’t expect the world to understand, but to me, I would never take this step if I didn’t feel like there wasn’t room for more in the future. Not just more as in raising a child together, but more as in kindness, respect, compassion, understanding, communication, and eventually, love.”
