Page 89 of A Me and You Thing
I think I just died a thousand deaths.
Bree goes on. “What am I supposed to do? The invitations have been sent. How do I retract them? Send a note that saysJust kidding?”
Invitations? I close my eyes from dizziness, because the blood just left my head. Does that mean...
“I’m legally married,” Sawyer tells her. “I’m no longer free to marry you.”
Yes, it means what I think it means.
“I know. I’m engaged to a married man. How do I explain that one?” Bree tries to laugh, but it emerges as a scoff.
Sawyer doesn’t laugh. Not at all.
As for me, I’m made of stone. I don’t think I could move if I wanted to.
“I’m sorry, Bree. No one could’ve possibly predicted this would happen. I think we’re all still reeling. I’ll always love you. Please know that.”
The anguish on Sawyer’s face kills me. He loves Bree, and their break-up is clearly hard on him. Why did no one bother to tell me about his new life? Why didn’t Sawyer bother to tell me? He’s had several opportunities.
Bree places one hand on his cheek with familiarity. “I know you love me, and I love you too. We fell in love, Sawyer. Those feelings don’t disappear overnight. They don’t turn off because she’s back. We have history between us now. I can’t be in love one day and not the next. It doesn’t work that way.”
She closes the space between them, attempting to kiss him. Sawyer moves his face to one side so her lips land on his cheek.
She lets out a heavy breath. “You can’t even kiss me anymore. I hate this so much. It’s like I mean nothing to you now.”
“Of course, you mean something to me. Don’t ever doubt it. I’ll never forget what we’ve shared. But the fact remains, I’m a married man.”
Sawyer sounds so torn. Doubts begin to creep into my heart, lodging there, refusing to budge.
“I’m not giving up on us. We have something amazing. You moved on and created a life withme. We thought she was gone forever. We can’t discard our feelings like they never existed. You love me, I know you do. You can’t just cancel our wedding and throw me away.”
Wedding. Bree and Sawyer were planning to marry. I was gone and he went on with his life.
With Bree.
I’m not supposed to be here. I’m not supposed to witness this. This is all wrong.
Sawyer looks uncomfortable. I’m pretty sure he’d like the ground to open up and eat him alive. Still, his voice remains firm. “I do love you, Bree. I always will. I’m so sorry, I know this is a difficult situation. I know how hard this is for you. I don’t want to hurt you, but I have to be honest. She’s my wife and losing her nearly killed me. I can’t lose her again. I just can’t. I love her.”
“I’ve always known how much you love Quinn. I love her too. I can’t tell you how happy I am that she’s back, that she’s alive. But it doesn’t change anything between us. Please tell me it doesn’t change anything between us. It can’t. She was gone for two years. Of course, you moved on and made a new life. Quinn would never expect you to change everything because she returned home unexpectedly. What if we were already married? What would you do then?”
“But we’re not,” Sawyer says simply. “I love her, Bree. You know that. Please try to understand. I can’t lose her again,” he repeats. “Iwon’tlose her again.”
“But you can lose me. You can throw away everything we have together. Our wedding is in one month. One month, Sawyer! All the plans we’ve made, all the things we’ve looked forward to together...”
My return has complicated their plans. It seems clear that Bree assumed Sawyer would choose her, which tells me a lot. The thought weighs on me heavily. I mean, their relationship advanced enough for them to choose marriage, so I shouldn’t be surprised that there are major feelings between them.
I want to feel betrayed. I want to scream and yell and raise a big fuss.
But...
No one has betrayed me. They thought I was dead and they made a life for themselves. What can I say to that?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Regardless, it doesn’t take away the pain of knowing Sawyer fell in love with someone else. Someone else who was my best friend. Ouch. My entire body aches in response to my mental anguish.
“I’m sorry, Bree. I’ve thought this through and I’m just trying to be honest with you.”
