Page 55 of A Me and You Thing
Bree remains quiet. I know I just made a mistake. This is awkward. I’m pretty sure talking about your dead wife all the time is probably taboo when you start seeing someone new.
I let out my breath very slowly. “Sorry.”
Bree jumps to her feet and paces the living room like a caged tiger. I know I’ve upset her. “You’re allowed to talk about her, you know.”
I remain on the couch. “It feels wrong when we’re...”
She whirls around to face me, her eyes a little wild. “When we’re what, Sawyer? What exactly are we?”
She has a point. “We’re... uh...”
“Movie buddies? Dinner companions? Caregivers of twin girls? Jogging partners? Roommates? All of the above and nothing more?”
I stare at the TV screen, unsure I’m ready for this conversation. “What do you want us to be, Bree?”
“I want it all,” she whispers.
“All?” I know what she means, but I pose it as a question anyway.
“Yes. I only have half of what I really want.”
“Half?”
“Yeah, I’m already living with you and I’m already a mother to your children. I sit here night after night cuddling with you on the couch. And don’t get me wrong, I love it. The thing is, I have all of the trappings of a perfect life and none of the benefits. I’ve slipped into Quinn’s shoes, but they don’t quite fit. I’m living in her home that she decorated with all of her belongings still in place. Pictures of her are everywhere, a constant reminder that I don’t belong here. I feel like an imposter, like someone who has snuck into someone else’s life and made it her own.”
Whoa. I had no idea she felt this way. Now that it’s been said though, I get it. I wonder how I didn’t see it before. I’ve been so self-obsessed, it never occurred to me how hard this must be for her.
Her voice turns low and adamant. “Am I wasting my time, Sawyer? I’m not Quinn, and I never will be. If you’re waiting for me to become her, that won’t happen.”
No, it won’t. They’re two very different people. It suddenly occurs to me that that’s okay. Her auburn hair is loose tonight, falling in waves down her back and shoulders. Her big blue eyes are slightly glassy, revealing just how vulnerable she is.
She’s beautiful. Stunning, actually. She’s right. We’ve spent plenty of time in the friend zone. I’m comfortable with her. We’ve made a life together without even realizing it. As I look upon her, feelings I don’t expect rush over me all at once. They take me by surprise, and are stronger than I anticipated. Even the crushing guilt at the thought of finding someone new has dimmed.
I could fall in love with her if I let myself. It would be so easy to slip into a relationship. She’s ready and willing. The transition would be smooth and polished, with hardly a hiccup in our lives.
Would I be settling? If I had a choice, I’d choose Quinn. Of course I would. But that choice has been taken from me. There’s no settling in this situation. Only choices to be made and happiness to be had.
She flips her long hair over one shoulder. “Look, I’m not giving you an ultimatum. I could never leave Josie and Jordyn. They won’t lose me no matter what happens between us, okay?”
I hadn’t thought that far ahead. It’s good to know that if this doesn’t work out, my girls won’t lose the person they think of as their mother. We’re two mature adults. We can do this. However, I do think she underestimates how awkward this could become.
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to pressure you when you’re clearly not ready to love someone new. I just can’t do this cuddling thing night after night anymore. It’s really messing with my head.” Bree approaches to hand me the remote. “I think I’ll say goodnight.”
As she moves to leave, I catch her hand in mine. It’s now or never. I don’t want to live my life alone.
She looks down at our clasped hands, and then back up at me. Our eyes lock.
“Wait.” Am I doing this? Yes. Yes, I am. Quinn is gone. Bree is here. And I need her. Since she’s been living in my home, she has helped to assuage the overwhelming feelings of grief. I realize that now. Without her... well, I don’t want to think about that.
I pull her back down to the couch and she comes willingly. “I know this has been a long time coming, but I think I’m ready. The loneliness, the sadness—it all would’ve eaten me alive if you hadn’t been here.”
Her lips part with surprise.
“Thanks for being patient with me. It took me awhile to see what was right in front of my eyes all along. But, I see you, Bree.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, I do. Ever since that kiss in the kitchen, things have been brewing between us.”
