Page 95 of The Last Inch Of Ice
With a sound of frustrated rage, Kai tears off his shirt. Buttons scattering, one pinging off the marble floor.
He stalks into the shower fully clothed otherwise, his dress pants and shoes still on, not even bothering to take off his watch.
Nazar follows him in without hesitation. Fully clothed. The rental tuxedo is already ruined anyway.
The scalding water hits him like a physical blow, soaking through the shirt instantly, making it a dead weight on his shoulders. Steam fills the space, making it hard to see, hard to breathe.
“What else do you want from me?” Kai’s voice is tired, weak. All the fight drained out. “Haven’t you seen enough?”
“Look at me.” Nazar frames Kai’s face with his bleeding hands, pressing their foreheads together. “Please.”
“I don’t want to.” Kai’s eyes are closed, his jaw clenched.
“Kai. Please. Look at me. I’m here.” The words feel inadequate but they’re all he has. “I’m right here.”
“I know.” There’s a ghost of broken laughter in Kai’s voice. “It’s impossible to get rid of you. Like a fucking curse.”
Damn right.
“Rykov—” Kai’s face contorts with fresh pain, his breath catching. “Just five minutes. Then you’ll leave quietly.”
“No.”
“Five minutes and you leave! Promise me.” The desperation in his voice is unbearable. “Promise you’ll leave in five minutes. I can’t—I can’t do this with you here. I can’t fall apart in front of you.”
The words are a knife between Nazar’s ribs. “Kai—”
“Promise me!” It comes out as a sob. “Please. Just promise.”
Every instinct Nazar has is screaming at him to refuse. To say no, to stay, to not make a promise he knows will destroy him to keep.
But Kai is looking at him with such raw desperation, and Nazar has already hurt him so many times.
“Okay. I promise.”
Fresh tears spill down Kai’s cheeks, mixing with the shower water. Nazar cups his face again, thumbs trying to wipe them away in a gesture that’s completely futile under the cascade.
“You can cry,” he says, his voice rough. “It’s just us. No one else will know.”
“Rykov—” Kai sobs, the sound torn from somewhere deep. “I can’t calm down. I can’t—I don’t know how to stop.”
“Baby, you don’t need to calm down right now. Just talk to me. Look at me. You can do anything you want and no one will ever know.”
He reaches out and pulls the glass door of the shower closed, as if the thin barrier could somehow protect them. Make this space sacred. Keep the rest of the world out.
“How could he do this to me?” The words tumble out of Kai in a rush. “How could he leave me? Without—I didn’t know anything was wrong. I thought everything was fine. He was fine. He always had everything under control.” His voice breaks. “Do you understand? Unlike me. I’m the mess. The problem child. He was supposed to be—he was the one who had it together.”
“Shhh. You’re not a mess.”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do now.” Kai’s voice drops to almost a whisper. “I don’t know how to—he was the only one who—”
“Kai.” Nazar peppers his face with light kisses. Trying to offer comfort the only way he knows how.
“He never said anything. Never told me he was struggling. I should have known. I should have—”
“These things happen sometimes.” The words are hopelessly inadequate. Nazar knows it even as he says them. “People hide things. Even from the people closest to them.”
“He was ten years older than me,” Kai says, like that explains something. “He was supposed to—I needed him. And now I’m completely alone.”
