Page 94 of The Last Inch Of Ice
He lies there for a second, breathing hard, his entire body shaking from exertion and the delayed realization of how monumentally stupid what he just did was.
He gets to his feet on legs that feel like water. His tuxedo is ruined, covered in brick dust and streaked with grime.
The living area is empty. He hears a soft sound from the adjacent bedroom, something between a sob and a gasp for air, and follows it.
Kai is sitting on the edge of the bed, backlit by the glow of the city through the windows. His white dress shirt is unbuttoned halfway down his chest, the bow tie hanging loose around his neck.
His hair is a mess, not artfully tousled but actually disheveled, like he’s been pulling at it. His face is tear-stained, cheeks still damp, eyes swollen.
Nazar’s brain short-circuits completely.
He just stands in the doorway, staring at Kai Callahan, realizing he’s climbed the fucking building to see him andcompletely forgotten what he was going to say.
He’s never seen Kai cry. Has imagined it, in his darkest moments—imagined breaking through that armor, making Kai feel something real. But those fantasies were about anger or passion or desperate want. Not this. Never this hollow devastation.
“Hey.” His voice comes out as a rough croak. “You okay?”
The sheer, monumental stupidity of the question makes him want to sink through the floor into the room below. Of course he’s not okay. His brother is dead.
Kai doesn’t answer. Just stares at the far wall like Nazar isn’t there. Like nothing is there.
His jaw is clenched so tight Nazar can see the muscle jumping, and fresh tears are tracking slowly down his face. He’s not even trying to wipe them away anymore.
Nazar’s body responds in a way that makes him hate himself. He gets hard—a full, aching erection at the sight of Kai’s cry. The realization makes him feel sick, perverted.
But it’s not just lust. Or it is, but it’s tangled up with something fiercer. Something protective and possessive that makes him want to physically shield Kai from the world.
He wants to absorb the pain somehow. Take it into himself so Kai doesn’t have to feel it.
He crosses the room and crouches in front of Kai, bringing them eye level. His mind is completely blank. Every impulse he has feels wrong. Touching seems presumptuous, speaking seems inadequate, leaving is impossible.
“You want a Red Bull?” The words come out before he can stop them. “Or like, water? Food? I could order room service—”
Kai’s head snaps up.
He looks at Nazar, really looks at him for the first time, and his eyes are filled with something that makes Nazar’s blood run cold. Not sadness. A chilling, self-destructive emptiness.
“You want to fuck me?” Kai’s voice is flat, dead. “I can stretch myself out first if you want. Make it easier. Or don’t bother—whatever works for you.” He lets out a laugh that sounds broken.
Nazar’s hands shoot out on instinct, his palms landing on Kai’s knees, grip tight enough to ground them both. “Stop it.” His own voice surprises him. Calm, steady, when everything inside him is screaming. “Don’t. I forbid you to talk about yourself like that.”
Of course, he wants to fuck him. Always wants to fuck him. But the thought of doing it now—of taking advantage of this shattered vulnerability—makes him feel physically ill.
Kai shoves his hands away with surprising strength. “I hope you’re satisfied with the performance.” The venom is back in his voice, that familiar cutting edge. “Front row seat to the Callahan family tragedy. Tweet about it later.”
He stands abruptly and stalks toward the hallway, his movements too controlled, like he’s forcing his body to cooperate through sheer will.
Nazar is after him in a second, following him into a bathroom. Nazar flicks on the light—harsh overhead fluorescents that make everything look clinical.
“Don’t!” Kai lunges for the switch, plunging them back into darkness. “Don’t turn on the light. And get out.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” Nazar’s voice is steady, certain. He’s never been more certain of anything.
Kai turns on the shower instead. Hot steam billows out immediately. There’s a small recessed light inside the stall, just enough to see by.
“I’m not undressing in front of you,” Kai says, his back still to Nazar. “So you need to leave.”
“A fucking army couldn’t drag me out of here right now.”
