Page 70 of Before Broken Vows
But maybe we don't need to be whole to be a family just yet. Maybe it's enough that we're all here, trying to put the pieces back together.
After Xander shows him all his dinosaurs, he looks around for me. Once he sees me, he looks up at Theo.
"You my real dad?"
Theo nods. "Yes, I am."
"And no more sick?"
"No. Now I get to spend a lot of time with you."
"And Mommy?"
The question forces me to stiffen up and I look at Theo as he looks at me, answering, "I sure hope so."
I can't stop it this time.
Warm tears roll down my face.
Xander's face turns to concern.
"Happy tears, baby," I say, smiling and wiping them away.
"Okay, Mommy," Xander says, and then looks at Theo. "I'm hungry."
"Oh, uh," Theo says and looks at me as if he was just asked the most serious question imaginable.
"Okay, let's go see what we've got," I say, and the three of us walk out into the kitchen together—as a family.
22
STASSI
The villa is quiet now.
Xander's room glows faintly with the soft blue of his dinosaur nightlight.
I close my eyes, my hair is damp and I feel the plush bathrobe against my skin. The shower washed away the remnants of a day spent chasing after a three-year-old, but nothing can wash away the images branded into my memory.
I haven't seen Theo move like he did today. Like a man who's waited his whole life to step into a role he didn't know he wanted.
I hadn't expected how much it would destroy me, watching the two of them together. The way Xander leaned into Theo's voice when he read to him. The way Theo crouched in the grass like a kid again while they played dinosaur kingdom in the garden, his expensive dress shirt, sleeves rolled up, covered in grass stains.
I press my fingertips to my mouth, as if I could hold in the emotions threatening to spill over. This isn't the Theo I knew four years ago. This is someone entirely new.
Or maybe not new at all. Maybe this person was always inside him, waiting for the right moment, the right person, to emerge.
Either way, the day is over, and Xander is asleep.
Now, it's just us.
I lean back against the headboard. The sheets feel cool against my bare legs where the robe has fallen open. I'm exhausted, but sleep seems impossible with my mind racing through today's memories.
Another pops into my mind, standing out crystal clear: Theo, scooping Xander up in his arms, lifting him high above his head while making the most ridiculous growling noise I've ever heard. Xander's laughter, pure and unrestrained. And Theo's face, God, his face. Like he'd found something precious he thought lost forever.
Before coming to shower, Marlena appeared with her warm smile. "He's a natural," she'd whispered to me. "Like he's been doing this forever."
It's hard to hear those things, however, because I'm still battling feeling terrible for robbing him of moments that will never come back. Even if it wasn't all my fault, when I see them together, it sure as hell feels that way.
