Page 78 of Pierced Pages
Whether it made sense to Gerri was irrelevant. It made sense to Danielle.
But she told her friend everything, anyway.
She told her about the wedding and how Morgan had looked so beautiful walking up to the altar. She told her about the reception, about sitting for dinner with Morgan, aboutdancingwith Morgan. She told her about the kiss at the end of the night. About how she truly felt like a princess leaving the ball before her car turned into a pumpkin.
Then, when she got to Melanie and Kim’s, it really did turn into a pumpkin.
It turned out to be not as big a deal as she’d thought at first, and she owed Melanie and Kim huge apologies for snapping at them like she did. But it didn’t change the fact that it was a reminder of why that night had to be the last one they spent together.
Gerri’s nose wrinkled. “Again, I don’t get it.”
“Why is this so hard to understand? I’m just not ready for a relationship. Not when Lila could need me, and everyone is tiptoeing around and keeping things from me because it might interfere with whatever plans I have. I need everyone to understand that Lila is my first priority.”
“No one is saying that she isn’t,” Gerri said. “And if it really had been a bigger deal, they would have called you. Right away. If it was me, I would do the same.”
“But I should get to decide what’s a big deal or not,” she said. “I should have been there. My kid broke a freaking bone, for crying out loud. It’s not the end of the world, I know, but I should have been there.”
Gerri lowered her tone and nearly whispered, “But you can’t always be there.”
“I know that,” Danielle said, her voice slightly choked. “I do. I just… I’m not ready.”
Gerri leaned over the desk and held Danielle’s hands in her own. “Are you not ready because you’re afraid Lila might need you, or are you afraid that she doesn’t?”
It was a ridiculous question, and Danielle considered not giving it the respect of an answer. Of course, she knew Lila didn’t need her constantly. Of course, she wasn’t one of those mothers who needed their child to need them all the time.
Right?
“Crap.”
Gerri nodded. “Crap.”
“I think you might be right.” She didn’t want to admit it, but there was some truth in there. “It’s been just Lila and me for so long, you know?”
“But it isn’t just you two, Danielle. That’s what we’ve been trying to tell you. Trying to make you see. You have us. Me and Melanie and Kim. We have your back. And we sure as heck have Lila’s, too.”
“I know. I do. And I appreciate everything you do for us,” she said. “I’m just having a hard time with her growing up, I guess.”
“That’s natural, I think.”
“I guess I’m not sure who I am apart from her.”
As she said the words, she knew them to be the truest thing she’d said in a long time. Maybe ever.
“You’re finding that out,” Gerri said. “You’ve got the book club now.”
“Yeah, I do.”
That was one thing she’d been looking forward to all month, ever since the first meeting. And she had an arrangement now with Rylee’s mom. Lila would spend the day there once a month for book club meetings, and Rylee would spend the day with them the following week. It worked out pretty well since Rylee’s mom was in the same position as Danielle. Maybe even more so, since she’d been a stay-at-home mom for most of Rylee’s life. Rylee’s mom would get a day to visit the art museum, or go shopping with a friend, or just sit at the park by herself. It was a win-win situation for both of them.
“See, you’ve already taken the first step.”
“It still doesn’t feel like enough,” Danielle said. “I like books, but who else am I?”
Danielle wasn’t sure what the answer was to that, but she was accepting that she’d like to find that out.
Maybe with a certain woman who may or may not be done with her after yesterday.
Maybe it was too late.
