Page 24 of Waste Some Time
Then their lips met. Sydney was soft and warm against Katie’s mouth. The kiss was tender at first, then it became more intense as Katie put her other hand against Sydney’s face to keep them together while they explored each other’s mouths. Heat rose in Katie’s body and she wanted nothing more than to sit her down on the couch and show her more of being with a woman.
To Katie’s disappointment, Sydney pulled back a bit to look into Katie’s eyes.
“What about that no accountants line item?”
Katie smiled, desperately wanting to enjoy another delicious kiss. “Can you just let me be wrong?”
“Probably not.”
Sydney smiled playfully again and leaned forward once more. Everything felt right in Katie’s world.
Then, suddenly, Sydney pulled back again. Her eyes were filled with regret and confusion.
“This is a problem.”
Katie whispered, “I won’t tell Stephen anything. I know it’s important for you to talk to him first.”
“No. I mean, thank you. But not that.”
Now Katie was confused. She had her own jumbled feelings and misgivings about all of this, but she’d thought Syd’s dilemma had been straightforwardly linked to needing to tell Stephen she was bisexual before he found out elsewhere.
And, of course, not putting her chips all in a single basket with the first woman she was with. But Sydney had been the one to say this was okay, even if it didn’t go any further than this day.
“What’s going on?” Katie was thoroughly confused now. “I thought you were okay with this. I didn’t want to pressure you into something you don’t want to do.”
Sydney shook her head. “You didn’t. That’s kind of the problem. I want to do this. I want to do this again and again. With you. But I don’t know if it’s the right thing for either of us. I want to explore other people, and you shouldn’t have to wait around for someone who isn’t ready for something more serious.”
Katie had never heard another person so clearly state the same sentiment she was feeling, as if the words could have come out of her own mouth. “I get that. But I can make up my own mind about who I want to be with. Forever or temporarily.”
She was ready to throw away her list, along with everything she thought she wanted for this woman.
Maybe Sydney was right.
Maybe this was a terrible idea after all.
“You were supposed to be someone I made out with at a party and never saw again.” Sydney said. “This city really is like the biggest small town sometimes, isn’t it?”
Katie agreed with that last assessment, but her brain was still stuck on the first half of what Sydney had said. The part that wasn’t something that could have come out of her mouth.
“So you aren’t looking for a relationship at all? Because of the divorce? Too soon?”
Sydney shook her head. “No. I’ve emotionally dealt with the divorce already. Not that there won’t be some bumps or sore spots that pop up along the way, but I’ve dealt with what I need to for now.”
Katie slid sideways on the couch, increasing the space between them.
“I’m sorry. You’re right. I still only want a long-term relationship. I figured you weren’t looking for the same when we met, and once I found out you lived out of state, well, I put you out of my mind. Because I’m not interested in anything long-distance.”
Sydney looked surprised by that. “You can do that? Like, you know what you want, and if something doesn’t fit that exactly, you can just… move on?”
“Kind of. Like I said, I can be impulsive, so I set parameters for myself and try to stay inside them.” Katie had never really considered that was weird. Rachel and Stephen gave her a hard time about her rules, of course, but she figured that was them poking at her. “Isn’t that how things are supposed to work?”
She was beginning to wonder if she was the rigid one and if this gorgeous accountant was the more relaxed one between the two of them.
“I guess?” Sydney shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t know how anything works anymore. My whole idea of who I am has flipped over the last few years. And I really don’t know what I want now.”
And that was exactly why Katie didn’t date women who were newly out or still figuring themselves out. She could invest a lot of time in a woman only for them to figure out they wanted something or someone who wasn’t her, and Katie would have wasted a bunch of time on that relationship and possibly missed out on the right person.
But she wasn’t unsympathetic. She just couldn’t be a part of whatever this journey was for Sydney. At least not on the romantic side.
