Page 56 of Carry Me Home
“What?” Essie looked truly appalled. “What do you mean? Why aren’t you fucking? You two would be so great together. We could be sisters-in-law.”
“Because he’s my manny, for fuck’s sake.” I repeated her words back to her, enunciating slowly and carefully while I exchanged bug-eyed looks with James.
“Pfft.” Essie waved a hand dismissively. “That rule only applies when there’s a power imbalance, or the guy is really old and gross. You and Jack are both young and hot. That makes it legal.”
“You’re giving me whiplash, babe. I need you to pick a side.” Noting a customer flagging me down, I pushed away from the bar. “I’ll be back.”
There was a low hum as they immediately started rehashing the whole thing behind my back. It didn’t bother me. I knew them all well enough to know that the gossip we shared with and about each other was never cruel or malicious. But I still wanted to hear what they were saying.
Essie gifted me with a magnanimous smile upon my return. “I’ve decided. You may fuck my brother.”
I rolled my eyes. “Gee, thanks.”
Essie pursed her red lips as she regarded me, her eyes narrowed to blue slits. “What, Jack isn’t good enough for you?”
“No.No. That’s not what I’m saying.” I laid a placating hand over hers. “Jack istoogood for me. He’s?—”
“He’s not,” Essie interrupted. “I promise you he’s not. He’s a jackass a solid sixty-three percent of the time. When he found out I married Brax, he flew all the way here from wherever the hell he was just to punch him in the stomach.”
I squeezed her hands in mine and leaned in so we were eyeball to eyeball. “Again, Essie. Whiplash.”
She blinked at me. “But I love both of you. I don’t know who to defend.”
I laughed and retreated to the fridge so I could get refills. With a beer in one hand and a bottle of white wine in the other, I pivoted back to my friends. “You don’t have to defend anyone.It’s not like we had a painful breakup. We had a very adult conversation and decided this was for the best.”
“Ugh, that’s so mature.” Chloe made a face. “I mean, I’m really proud of you.”
I snorted. “Yeah, I hate it.” The truth was out of my mouth before I could stop it.
“Oh, honey. Of course you hate it. He’s living with you and he looks likethat. It’s not fair.” Chloe winced. “Trust me, I know how it feels.”
“Okay, but seriously,” James said. “Why can’t you be together? So he’s the manny and people will talk. Who cares?”
“It’s not that.” Well, it wasn’tjustthat. People talking about us meant people talking about Maya, and that made my skin crawl with foreboding. But that wasn’t my only concern. “What happens if we got together and it didn’t work out? It’s not like there’s a dozen people lining up to be Maya’s babysitter. And Mayaloveshim.”
“Janie.” Essie leaned back, her expression serious. “Come on. You know Jack would never leave you in the lurch like that. If things didn’t work between the two of you, he’d still show up for Maya and do his job. That’s who he is.”
I wanted to agree with her, but I knew better than anyone that people weren’t always what they seemed. Hell, some people didn’t even knowthemselvesuntil they had been truly tested. I trusted Jack. I did. But I’d made that mistake before. I couldn’t risk it again. Not with Maya’s happiness on the line.
But no way could I say that to his protective twin sister, so instead I said, “That’s what I’m afraid of. Imagine having to face the source of your heartbreak every damn day. Watching him be all hot and sweet with your kid? No, thanks. Anyway, it’s fine. We’re friends.”
That didn’t satisfy Essie, but Hannah cut in to save me. “I can’t believe this is our last Friday night closing down the bar together. It’s the end of an era.”
I looked around. We were all busy, but my friends had made a point to stop by at least one or two Fridays a month to hang out. They never asked for free drinks and they always tipped because they weren’t assholes. We’d laugh and talk and they’d drink and be silly. Some of my best memories were right here at work, as crazy as that sounded.
“It’s good, though,” I said. “The hours are so much better, and the raise will make up for the lost tips.”
Essie tipped her wine to her lips. “Brax is thrilled you said yes. The last thing he wants to do after all his lawyer shit is more paperwork.”
“I don’t mind.” Was managing a dive bar a dream come true? No, of course not. But then, neither was bartending, and I’d been happy enough doing that for the last few years.
The truth was, I hadn’t spent a whole lot of time contemplating what I wanted to do when I grew up. The second I had a positive pregnancy test, boom. I was a grownup. My dad had wanted me to go into public policy, so I’d been on that track until it all turned upside down, but when it imploded, I hadn’t really felt like I’d lost all that much. That dream hadn’t been mine to begin with.
Bartending had been a placeholder. I was doing it until myrealcareer started, whatever that would be. Accepting the management position made me feel like I was locked into someone else’s plan all over again.
That was silly, right? Brax wasn’t going to chain me to the bar against my will. It was just…inertia was such a powerful force. It kept you moving along a path even when that path wasn’t right for you. Dread had curdled in my belly when I saidyes because I couldn’t shake the feeling that yes now meant yes forever. I’d never figure out what I truly wanted from my life.
But I knew what Ididn’twant. I didn’t want to miss all those moments with Maya because I was too tired to pay attention. I didn’t want to miss putting her to bed with a snuggle and a book. And I sure as fuck didn’t want my parents to have veto power over every dime I spent.
