Page 19 of Carry Me Home
I wrenched my gaze away with an aggravated huff. My gaze landed on the river and I blinked, suddenly disoriented as a memory surfaced.
This was my sanctuary, the place I ran to when I needed to cry or scream or just get my bad out. I had been coming here for so long that I had almost forgotten that it was also the place I had met Jack for the first time. Right there, where the wide, straight river curved in a deep bend like it had a sudden changeof heart. I had stood right there with my arms stretched like wings, and?—
“Speaking of salamanders, Mother, I’m going to look by those rocks,” Maya said.
I shook off the memory and smiled at my daughter.Speaking ofwas her new favorite phrase, but she hadn’t quite gotten the hang of it yet.Speaking of, she’d say, and then fill in the blank with whatever she wanted to talk about.
“Go ahead,” I said. “Stay where I can see you.” Maya had a habit of wandering off toward whatever interested her. Fortunately, she wasn’t very quick about it.
I pretended I couldn’t feel the weight of Jack’s stare on me as I watched her amble to the rocks. My skin prickled. When I couldn’t take it another second, I looked back at him. His eyes were sharp, all traces of laughter gone.
“Mother?” He tipped his chin. “Something you forget to tell me, Janie?”
“Yes. You’re a father,” I deadpanned. “Congratulations, daddy.”
The shocked, stricken look on his face made me burst into laughter. “Did the marines not teach you math? Maya is almost eight, Jack. I’m pretty sure I’d remember if we’d had sex eight years ago.” Sex with Jack wasn’t something a woman was likely to forget. I felt sorry for every man who came after him, not that there would be one anytime soon. “You’re off the hook.Thistime,” I teased.
“Not a marine.” He smirked. “Anyway, if you’re going to smack me in the face with my worst fear, maybe you can forgive me for forgetting how reality works for a minute.”
My head tilted. “Knocking up a one-night stand is your biggest fear?” Jack had been in the special forces. He had been shot, stabbed, and nearly killed, but being a dad was what scared him? It shouldn’t have even made his top ten. Oh, lord,he was a commitment-phobe. Of course he was. The hotter the man, the bigger the douche. And Jack was really fucking hot.
“Not knocking up a one-night stand. Having a child I wasn’t there for. That’s my worst fear.” He shook his head, tsking softly like he was disappointed in me. My stomach dropped. “Come on, Ace. You’re friends with my sister. You know my dad walked out on us and didn’t even bother to show up for her wedding.”
“Shit,” I mumbled. He was right. Ihadknown that. Now I was the one who was a douche. “Of course you have daddy issues.”
“Essie has daddy issues,” he corrected. “I have something to prove.”
“Oh.” I looked away. Maya’s red curls bobbed as she squatted by a boulder. My heart squeezed. Every child should have a dad like that, a dad hell bent on showing up for her. I swallowed the thickness in my throat and stole Maya’s line. “Speaking of rivers, please excuse me while I go jump in one.”
I spun away, not to go jump in the river even though that was what I deserved, but to hunt salamanders with Maya, but I didn’t make it a single step before Jack wrapped his large hand around my ankle like a shackle.
“Hey!” I protested. Good lord, the man was quick as a snake and even more lethal. At least rattlers gave a warning before they struck.
“It took you seven months to find me. You think I’m letting you walk away now?” With a low laugh, he tugged me off balance. I tumbled backwards, yelping like a deranged poodle—and fell straight into Jack’s waiting arms.
And that was thethirdtime Jack had made me breathless. I sucked in air and glared at him like my stomach wasn’t swooshing with butterflies. My hands curled around his biceps. There was no give when I flexed my fingers. Solid boulders.“You know, I’m getting really tired of you knocking the wind out of me,” I groused.
He considered me with serious blue eyes. A girl could ruin her life over eyes like that, over the way they made her feel so seen.
I was so damn good at ruining my life.
But now there was so much more at stake. There was Maya. And I’d be damned before I let one of my bad decisions hurt her again.
“Is that why you didn’t call me?” he asked. There was no defensiveness in his voice. No censure, either. It was just a question and, coming from him, it didn’t have a right or wrong answer.
“No,” I said honestly. “I didn’t call you because it was a one-night stand, and because you ran away to Wyoming for a solid month without saying goodbye, and because you know what?Youdidn’t call me, either, and…what are you doing?” I asked, because he had shifted our bodies as I talked, bending one of his legs so I was cradled sideways in his lap facing Maya’s direction, his other leg as my backrest.
“Making sure you have what you need. A view of Maya and solid lumbar support.”
“Solid lumbar support?” I echoed incredulously. I sounded offended. Like his consideration of my needs was a personal affront. It wasn’t how I actually felt about it, but since the way I felt was marshmallow goo, offended was what I was going with. Safer that way. “I could just sit on the ground, you know,” I pointed out.
He shrugged. “No need to get your jeans dirty.”
“I’m out here specifically to hunt salamanders with a seven-year-old,” I said. “Getting dirty is part of the whole mom gig.” I moved to slide off him, but he held me still. I twisted my neck to glare at him.
His eyes glinted back at me with silent laughter. He raised an eyebrow. “You’ve sat on my dick, Janie. I think you can handle sitting on my lap for a couple minutes.”
I bugged my eyes out and gasped theatrically, slapping my hand across my heart. “You can’t say things like that to me. I’m amother.” But I couldn’t keep a straight face and let out a loud cackle.
