Page 81 of Carry Me Home
“What word?” Maya asked, intrigued.
“Nubbins!” Janie yelled.
I spanked her again—softly.
Maya’s mouth popped open. “What happens if I say it? I don’t want to get spanked.” But there was a look on her face. She might not want to get spanked, but she wanted in on the fun somehow.
“My mom told me kids don’t get spankings. Only adults. So I can’t spank you, Maya,” I said gravely. Janie wheezed. “But if you say that word, I’m going to have to throw you over my shoulder like your mom and spin you until you’re dizzy.”
Maya’s gaze shifted sideways. “Nubbins,” she said slyly.
“Now you’ve done it!” I roared. With Janie still over one shoulder, I scooped Maya over my other.
“Hold my hand, ladybug,” Janie stage whispered. “One…two…three…”
“Nubbins!” they both shouted.
I spun them around and around as they shrieked with laughter.
It was the most beautiful sound in the whole world.
I hada mug of tea waiting for Janie when she returned from putting Maya to bed. She padded into the kitchen in thick wool socks and those tiny ass shorts, her hair mussed from snuggling with Maya and her eyes suspiciously wide and bright.
“That took longer than I expected. Your tea might need warming up. Did Maya want extra books to make up for the weekend?”
Janie smiled as she dropped into the chair across from me. “She did talk me into an extra book, but I actually fell asleep for a couple minutes. She was super snuggly and the bed was warm. So now I’m wide awake.”
“Up for a game of strip poker?” I suggested. “You win a hand, you might finally find out why I call you Ace.”
She snorted. “I only win when you let me. And I only have one secret left.” She circled the rim of her mug with her index finger, contemplating me. “I could just tell you.”
“About Maya’s dad?” My pulse quickened. I wanted to know. “Do you want to tell me?”
She rolled her lips, forehead furrowed. “You know what? I do. I’m tired of carrying it around with me. The weight of it is so fucking heavy, sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe through it.”
“So tell me. If I can take some of that weight from you, I’ll do it. Like you did for me.” I brushed my thumb over her knuckles.
“Okay.” She bobbed her head like she was psyching herself up. “Okay.”
I waited.
She took a deep sip of tea.
I waited some more and tried not to get antsy about it.
“Okay,” she said again. “I was twenty-one. Fresh out of college. I had a low level job at Senator Rupert Warren’s office in Denver. He’s a state senator. Not national,” she explained but it wasn’t necessary. I knew who he was. He was a powerful name in the ranching community. “Anyway, mostly I answered phone calls from constituents. I attended every meeting and took notes. I was the youngest and the greenest, so even with a Georgetown degree, I had to prove myself and move up the ranks like anyone else, and I was determined to do that. Rupert took me under his wing, probably because the name Belmont carries a lot of weight.”
My neck prickled with foreboding. There were plenty of good men in the world. Men who would see a smart, talented young woman with a fancy degree and mentor her because it was the right thing to do. But I had a feeling that Senator Warren was not one of those men, because if he were, Janie’s lips wouldn’t tighten every time she said his name.
“I thought he was…” Her gaze went sideways as she searched for the word. “Exceptional. I thought he was exceptional. He was so smart and he knew how to get things done that other people said were impossible. Good things, things I was proud to be a part of. I was in awe of him, honestly.”
She took a sip of tea and licked her lips. “Not just in awe of him. I was in love with him. And I thought he was in love with me, too. I know I was dumb.” She held up her hands. “You don’t have to say it.”
“I wasn’t going to.” It was hard to speak over the rage.
“Well, I’ll say it. I was really fucking dumb, Jack.” Her laugh was all hard edges and self-loathing. It made me want to tear something apart with my bare hands. Preferably a certain state senator. “He was twenty years older than me and married.Married.” She laughed again. “I knew that. Everyone knew that. But he told me that they were separated. His wife was in England teaching a summer program at Cambridge. He said it was a cover. It was harder to fake a happy marriage when they had to be in the same room together, so they put an ocean between them. Constituents like their politicians married, so they planned to quietly divorce when it wasn’t an election year. That was what he said. And I was stupid enough to believe him.”
Fuck that. “No.” The word sliced out of me. I wanted to be gentle, but fucking hell. I was pissed. “You weren’t stupid. You’re a good person, and you expect other people to be good, too. That’s not something to be embarrassed about. He’s the one who should be embarrassed.”
