This guilt and blame are all on his side.
He goes to pull away, but I grab his wrist, and I won’t let go. A sick, panicky weight settles over me. I hate his attempt at distance.
“Don’t touch me. How can you bear to touch me? I’m not fucking worthy.”
Righteous strength surges through me. I stand and drag him to sit where I was on the couch, then I crawl over him and wrap my arms and legs around him as best I can.
He trembles.
God, my heart is breaking, but I’m determined to have his eyes and cup his face until I get them. “It’s not your fault, Rhett.”
“I’m a fuck-up.”
His eyes glisten. There is so much hurt burning in their depths.
“It’s not your fault.”
“A fucking loser.”
“It’s not your fault. Don’t say that.”
He hasn’t put the barrier up in his mind, and I’m whisked back through time.
A dark, dingy room with a glowing light coming from racks of computer screens, takeout boxes, and cans littering the floor….
Back…
Waking in a sterile room, beeping monitors, a younger, harried version of Lucian, wearing military fatigues stands beside the bed where Rhett lies.
Back…
Darkness, beeping, distant voices….
Back…
More darkness.
Back…
A dark, gritty, litter strewn, alleyway, the sound of sirens, gunshots, and screams. Dangerous. Desolate. I don’t know the place, but it has an edge-of-chaos vibe.
Forward…
People screaming, running between semi-derelict buildings. Automatic weapons fire both near and distant. A noxious cloud looms on the skyline. Choking.
Forward…
People huddled in corners of empty rooms, rocking, shaking, sweating.
A viral awakening, done on mass?
“Where was that place?” I ask quietly.
“Lyus.”
A shudder. I heard about Lyus and what the government did there only later. The Uncorrupted had taken advantage of the distraction to capture the ship taking me from Chimera to Tolis.
Ten years ago, both our lives were irrevocably changed.