Page 59 of Sweet Caroline
“Mmm,” I hum against her lips, breaking away before going right back for more. “You sure you don’t wanna start right now?”
Her laughter warms my cheek as she snakes her arms around my neck. “Are you serious? For real?”
“About fucking in an abandoned fire lookout?” My gaze falls to her mouth. “I dunno, sounds kinda hot to me.”
“No!” she says, gently swatting my arm.
“Aw, c’mon. Thought you wanted to try stuff. Plus, you can’tbeat this view.” My eyes are on her lips and I’m not even pretending to look outside.
“I meant this thing in general. Thissexthing.” I’d bet a million bucks her cheeks are flushed pink, but it’s too dark to tell under this shitty utility light. “You seriously wanna help me explore what I like?”
“Why not?” There are easily a thousand reasons why not, but I couldn’t name one right now if I tried. Not with Caroline in my arms, awkward and flustered.
“Wouldn’t it be crossing a line for you?” she asks. “You said you couldn’t date for real. And I’m not suggestingthat, but”—her expression pinches with concern—“wouldn’t it get blurry?”
I shake my head. “This wouldn’t be a relationship. Think of it more like a… friends-with-benefits kinda deal. Just until the election, while we’re already pretending to date. You need to have some amazing sex, and I’d get to have that amazing sex with you. It’s a win-win, right? And I’d get to be, like, your sex sensei.”
“My sex sensei?” She looks skeptical. “What, like a dirty Mr. Miyagi?”
“Hell yeah!” I chuckle, then put on an air of calm. “Now, young Grasshopper, where did we land on the ol’ exhibitionism thing?”
“I’m ignoring that.”
Worth a shot.
She cranes her neck to peer out the window once again. “So why did you bring me here, anyway?” When she turns back, she runs the pad of her thumb over my bottom lip, looking like she’s still thinking about kissing me. “Other than to proposition me, obviously.”
I smirk at the dig and nip at her thumb, though my amusement fades—along with any thoughts about getting under that dress of hers—as I think about how to answer. “Uh, my dad and I used to hike up here when we had something difficult to talk about. I think he found it easier to have awkwardconversations when we didn’t have to make direct eye contact, y’know? We could just stare out at the town instead of having to face each other straight on.”
There’s a sadness in the way she smiles. “Well, a hike and a heart-to-heart sounds a heck of a lot better than tense silences and lectures.”
I frown. “Yeah, your dad seems…”
“Overbearing?”
I tilt my head, choosing not to finish my sentence. Calling her father atwatwaffleprobably wouldn’t go over well.
“I guess now we know whyI’min therapy, huh?” she deadpans, then turns more serious. “My mom and I are closer. She gets a bit intimidated by Dad, though. I think she tries to keep the peace a lot…” Caroline trails off, then seems to snap out of it, forcing a change of subject. “Are you close with your parents?”
I hesitate a beat, then pull away. It still hurts, even though more than a decade has passed since the crash that took their lives. But I know I need to tell her. “I was.”
“Not anymore?” she asks. “What happened?”
I hate this part, so I bite the bullet and blurt it out. “They died. I was seventeen.”
My words hit her square in the chest, and her features crumple. “Miles…”
“It’s okay.” I look at my feet. “You don’t have to?—”
She crushes me in a hug, cutting me off.
Slowly, I wrap my arms around her shoulders and rest my chin on top of her head, grateful she isn’t asking for details. I try to fight off the wince as the familiar script floats to the surface unbidden.
It was my fault. They’d still be here if it wasn’t for me.
But I keep my mouth shut, swallowing past the lump in my throat. Caroline doesn’t need to hear about my trauma—doesn’tneed to know how I tried to drown the pain in liquor, never managing to numb myself enough not to feel it.
What’s within your control right now?That’s what Lydia always says.
