Page 73 of Sweet Caroline
My small, shrunken fucking life.
Shit.
Movement snaps me back into the room when everyone around me stands and begins stacking their chairs. I rarely hang around for the social chat part of AA meetings, but, after barely hearing more than a couple sentences of what Tiffany said, I feel like I should make the effort. I’m filling a paper cup at the water cooler in the corner when Russell appears at my side.
“Miles, how ya holdin’ up?”
I nod. “Good, fine, yeah. I’m good.”
Russell gives me a long look. “You sure?”
“Yeah!” I say through a chuckle. “Why?”
“You just seemed… somewhere else during the meeting today.”
“Shit, sorry.” Guilt swirls in my stomach for being a crappy listener. “Guess I’m kinda distracted.”
“Anything you wanna talk about?”
I hesitate. Any explanation about Caroline and our situation would probably sound ridiculous but, before I make up some white lie about being busy with work, Trevor’s passage about honesty snags in my memory. Guess I wasn’t totally out to lunch after all. “Uh, actually… I met someone.”
God, that line is such a cliché.
“Oh?”
It’s such a simple response. No judgment, no pressure, but it reminds me of my therapist’s way of letting the silence hang so I’ll be compelled to fill it. It always fucking works.
“She’s…” I trail off, blowing a breath through my lips.
How do I describe Caroline?How do I describe this feeling? I barely understand it myself.
“That good, huh?” Russell smirks.
Dropping my gaze to my feet, I work my jaw. “Doesn’t matter, I guess.” I stuff my free hand in my hoodie pocket and fidget with the seam inside. “I’m not ready to date yet.”
Russell frowns in thought. “Remind me, you’re, what, nine months sober?”
“Ten now.”
He contemplates me for a moment and crosses his arms over his chest. “Y’know, the advice from AA about dating that first year… It’s more of a guideline than a hard rule.”
“It’s a hard rule for me.” I take a sip of water and swallow, letting a cool sensation spread through my chest. “Has to be.”
“Oh?” He lifts his eyebrows.
Again with theoh?Damn Russell and his trickery. Is he secretly a therapist?
“Didn’t work out for me last time when I rushed it.”
He nods slowly. “Well, if it’s something real, it’ll be worth waiting for. Or worth going for when the time is right, anyway. When it’s healthy. You don’t wanna risk all the progress you’ve made on something—or someone—who isn’t worth it.”
“Exactly.”
He’s quiet for a moment. “So, I guess, the question is: is this girl a distraction? Or is she your future?”
“Oof,” I say with a half smile, trying to hide the way his words hit me in the solar plexus. “Heavy shit for a Saturday afternoon, Russ.”
He laughs and claps me on the back, like he didn’t just take all my swirling thoughts about Caroline and sum them up in one pithy question. “What can I say? I’m dropping truth bombs here. You take it easy, alright?”
